Incompatible
by spacecake23
Summary: Amanda is an adopted native. When her parents convince her to get in touch with her heritage she agrees, not realizing what kind of world she's really stepping into. Battling a complicated imprint, a lifestyle of constant danger, and dealing with her social changes, Amanda flees after learning of her pregnancy, wanting to protect her baby from the unnatural. I own nothing! (sadly)
1. Chapter 1: Blood Ties

My first story so lets see how this goes. I do not own any of the twilight characters or the story itself, however any character I do add into it is mine. This is purely fan based and I hope you enjoy. :)

**Blood Ties**

The drive had been long, boring, excruciating and pretty much anything else negative to describe an uneventful road trip with your parents. See, road trips weren't bad, especially if that's what the whole point was. To tour the states and sight see along the way and buy cheap souvenirs from the places that you've been, to show people that seriously don't care was fun. Going on a road trip to get in touch with heritage you didn't know nor cared to know was entirely different.

I'm adopted, my birth parents are from this small Indian reserve with about three hundred inhabitants in it. They had given me away and I was placed for adoption and was quickly adopted by two people from Virginia. While it was obvious I was not their biological child I never asked and when I got older I didn't care.

Now that I was here in this damp, green, and cold place I hated it even more. Did it occur to anyone that maybe my birth parents were trying to save me? "I just think it would be good for you to get in touch with who you are." Mom had said, her blue eyes glimmering hopefully. But I was in touch with who I was, and I liked it just fine. Standing outside our new house I stuffed my hands in my pocket.

"So, when does our stuff get here?" I needed my things, not just my stereo or all my sketchbooks with random doodles, but my sheets, and my pillows, and that stupid light that didn't always turn on even though I had just put a fresh bulb in. Those were the things I wanted, things from home. "It should arrive by tomorrow, no later than two in the afternoon." Just as Dad finished his sentence an old looking truck pulled into the driveway, crunching the ground underneath. A man with raven hair and eyes peered out from the passenger side, a black cowboy hat tipped forward concealing his features. A larger more muscular boy sat in the drivers seat. He had a friendly puppy look about him. He smiled happily and waved, Mom and Dad waved just as enthusiastically.

The boy tugged on a wheelchair and settled it down on the ground before helping the older man into it.

"Good morning, I'm Billy Black, and this is my son Jacob." Jacob was a handsome boy, his abs visible through his shirt. His hair was spikey and made him look adorable. I'd pinch his cheeks if that weren't a total invasion of privacy and downright creepy.

"Hello and good morning!" My mom piped happily, always the social butterfly she was. "I'm Diana Fischer and this is my husband Phil and our daughter Amanda." Billy nodded and grinned the same toothy grin his son had. "It's a small town and word got out quick that you were coming." Billy said, looking at me with interest. "Since I live not too far off I volunteered to show you all around and make you feel welcomed." He shuffled through some papers in a folder and plucked them out. "Also, I have the records of Amanda's birth...relatives." Billy trailed off not sure if calling my birth parents by that title would offend, it didn't. It had been my parents idea to track down the people anyway.

"Oh how wonderful!" Mom clasped her hands together. "Do they still live on the reservation?" Jacob had inched his way over to me, "There's a beach not far that we can walk to, want to go?" I nodded and grabbed my backpack, "Yeah sure." I needed to get away from this conversation. I was glad that Jacob had recognized my discomfort.

We walked for about five minutes and headed down a tiny dirt path and were suddenly on the beach. The water splashed along the sides as the wind nipped at my ears and nose. We talked mostly about our interests and school and unimportant things like TV shows and celebrities. I liked Jacob, he was very easy to talk to and get along with. I felt if had I never been adopted I probably would have fit right in. "I know it's probably different than what you're used to, but it's really nice here" Jacob said suddenly, "and the people are friendly."

I blushed a little, not because he was reassuring me but because this was his home and he wanted it to be recognized for what it was. It was...cute. "It's more of why I'm here that bothers me." I explained how one day Mom and Dad got the idea that I should learn about my heritage and about where I came from and who my birth parents were. But in truth I was content not ever knowing. Mom and Dad were my parents no matter what and their heritage was mine too. I loved them and never wondered why my real parents had not wanted me because Diana and Phil did. I was raised in Virginia and that's all I knew and wanted.

"And so that's why I'm here, to find people that didn't want me and to learn what I am." Jacob stared at me for a long while before he finally said, " I saw your file. I wasn't trying to or anything, it was just out there in the open. You have a brother named Sam Uley. I know him, you can meet him if you want." It stunned me at first, it never occurred to me that I may or may not have any siblings. Mom was sterile so that's why they adopted. Now that the information was laid out to me I had to admit that I was a little curious. But I was filled with doubt and Jacob quickly answered my lingering question. "He's older by a few years."

"He doesn't know yet, because he'd want to meet you. Family is everything here you know? And I didn't know if you'd want that." I was happy that he thought of this, I definitely wasn't ready to meet anyone, especially not my blood brother. "Do we have the same parents?" Jacob nodded, "Same mother and same father. Your father...or Joshua Uley isn't involved at all. Just Sam's mom or...your...Allison." I wanted to laugh at how tongue tied he was on addressing the subject at matter but I didn't, he was putting in a great deal of effort. "Allison had to have been pregnant with you around the time Joshua left. Nobody knew either that you ever existed, not even Sam and he was old enough to understand his mom's stomach was a balloon. Only select people know who your mother is. And even now we're just finding out because your mom and dad called with your documents asking about it. So the elders are trying to keep it hushed. Giving away a blood relative to non-relatives is kind of a no-no." This was understandable, natives were very close nit and tried to keep close ties to their blood kin. But I didn't like the prospect of drama being started up. "Your dad said earlier that people had known about us coming but nobody knows the back story?" Jacob kicked at some rocks his face thoughtful. "It's really complicated. Everyone knows you're here, that couldn't be secret. The fact that you're related to people here is also no secret, this has to be possible for you to even live here. And people are wondering who you are and who gave you away. It's the big talk around here, and not too many people are happy about it. Everyone wants to know who you're related to." Jacob paused and we stopped walking, he studied my face before saying sternly, "And I don't have to guess hard who your parents are or that Sam is your brother. You share a lot of resemblance...except you're more feminine and prettier than Sam is." That last part felt so intimate that I forgot all my troubling thoughts and blushed. I guffawed stupidly and tried to hide my embarrassment poorly. Jacob laughed with me and we left the dark topic alone.

That night we ate on the floor, Mom eyeing me cautiously. Billy must have filled her in on the Native ways and judging by the look on her face must have realized that it wasn't as simple as "Hi I'm your daughter." It was an insult to give your children away to non-natives. And there was no avoiding drama. "I'm sorry Amanda, I didn't realize it would be so complicated." She sighed, wringing the hem of her shirt. I felt bad too, not for me but for her. She had wanted this to be a nice experience for me and it came back on her. Dad patted her shoulder affectionately. Despite the fact I wanted to avoid conflict and maybe my birth relative altogether I wanted to try for Mom and not make her feel like giving up everything so that I could get in touch with my kin had been a waste of time. So I had to try, for her and Dad. "It's okay mom, it'll sort itself out. Legally I'm still yours." She hugged me in a tight rib crushing grip that left me sore. Dad snorted something about womanly emotions being out of control, earning a smack to the face with a cheesy tortilla.

The next day was a pain, all of our furniture had arrived and we went through the hassle of sorting boxes and moving them to their respective area and making sure nothing was broken and if they were, recording it so that the moving company reimbursed us. Nothing of mine was broken but Mom's china set that had been passed through her family for generations had been a robust set of two hundred items and had been dwindled to about less than half. She stood outside screaming like a banshee and was waving her arms wildly and cussing. She was causing such a scene that people had come to stop and stare. The worst part was she gave the poor mover the finger and told him to kiss her pale white ass. Dad was no doubt hiding in the other room trying to avoid his angry wife.

"Your mom can rant." Behind me Jacob had appeared with two cups of some steamy delicious looking drink. "Hot chocolate, do you want some?" Boy did I, it was freaking cold out here. We sat down in the lawn chairs watching mom tell the much bigger guy to fuck off and casually sipped our cocoa. "This is awesome. Did you make this?" I mumbled, slurping the chocolatey goodness. He was beaming, "Yeah." I grinned at him then, hot bod, super cute, easy to talk to, and makes amazing cocoa? He just might be my dream guy. "Seriously?!" He snorted at me looking amused that I had entertained myself with the idea. "Heck no, I bought it at the cafe." Okay, so maybe he didn't make the hot chocolate, but at least he had a sense of humor.

Slapping his arm playfully I was content on watching Dad get chewed, "It was a really special set. Passed down from her family." I said her family because while it was a well known and accepted fact that Diana could not have kids, it was not entirely accepted that she didn't adopt a blonde haired blue eyed kid that would fit in with the family. I was accepted by some and than shunned by others. It depended on which of her relatives we talked about. In this case it was Diana's mom, Bethany. While Bethany was my grandmother she was one racist bitch. Apparently she'd thrown a huge fit about me being a dirty savage and not a perfect white kid. From what Dad said, mother and daughter had a huge brawl in the family home and police were on the scene for an hour trying to settle the dispute. About three years ago we had heard Bethany died, Mom did a jig in the yard and said 'PRAISE THE LORD!'.

"So, I was wondering, if you wanted to meet Sam at all? He's a really good guy. And you'd love his fiance Emily." Truth was I hadn't really thought about that at all. I had been so busy that I forgot. But I thought that if I wanted to make Mom happy then it was a place to start. "Yeah, I think I will." Jacob's face lit up and he was up and pulling me out of my chair before I even knew what was going on.

He practically tossed me into his truck and buckled me in carefully, then we were speeding out of the driveway and down the road.


	2. Chapter 2: My Kin

**My Kin**

The drive was about fifteen minutes when we arrived at a small red house. There were others surrounding it, all of them shirtless. One had the shirt on but that was probably because it was a she. As soon as I slid out of the cab we were surrounded. "Hey Jake whose this?" "Is she your girlfriend?" "She kinda reminds me of someone..." I blushed they were staring so intently I thought that maybe I looked more different than I thought. There were seven altogether not including myself or Jacob. "Guys give her some space, and where's Paul and Sam?"

One of the younger looking boys jabbed his thumb towards the red house. "Sam's with Emily and Paul is...hiking." I looked at him weirdly. Why did I get the feeling that 'Paul' was not actually hiking.

"Well whatever, this is Amanda. Sam's sister." Their faces did the exact same thing Jacob's did when I agreed to meeting Sam. "Wow she really does look like Sam! I'm Quil by the way." Their voices were hushed as they jabbered around me and something told me Sam was as unprepared to meet me as I was to meet him. Especially when the screen door flew back and a large man lumbered out to meet us. "Jacob who's this?" His voice was wary and his eyes were studying me. I knew from his dark hair, deep black eyes, and russet skin that this was my brother. We had the same rounded jawline and frown. Our eyes matched in shape and color and while my nose was slender and pointed his was similar in a manly way. Our mouths even mimicked each other with mine being shaped into a pouty form.

It was quiet and the two of us stood straight, shoulders squared as we sized each other up. "This is Amanda." Jacob said stepping away. "She's the girl who was supposed to be coming to meet her family." Sam sauntered off the patio and made his way over as a woman with a large scar on her pretty face came outside. "Sam?" She called worriedly.

"Why's she here?" Sam was not a welcoming guy at all and maybe not too bright since he couldn't see the resemblance. Instead he glanced around at the others wondering who was my brother or sister. "I'm your sister." I said finally, wanting to leave. It was quiet and I felt odd with the words coming out of my mouth. Sam must have felt similar because he stared at me with this twisted expression on his face. "Look I'm just going by what the file said. And my Mom want's me to get in touch with my...heritage." The huge guy glanced at Jacob, his eyes a deathly calm. "What file?" Man this felt like one of those special agent movies.

Jacob tossed the packet to the baffled Sam and we all waited as he glanced from the papers to me, going back and forth for about five minutes before he closed the folder and handed it to me. When I reached for the folder he held it firmly in his massive hand, his dark eyes taking me in for the first time. "I never knew." He breathed, "I don't know how you don't notice a pregnant woman but I want you to know that I didn't know. Or else I would have looked for you." Something about the way he said it made me believe he would have to. He was just downright serious about it. "It's okay, I was adopted by nice people." A smile broke out over his face and then I could see what Jacob had meant about a nice guy. He hugged me then -awkwardly- but hugged nonetheless. "This is Emily, my fiance." The pretty woman from the porch strode over, her beautiful smile illuminating her face. Like Sam she embraced me only it held much more affection, "Welcome to the family then." She beamed this pretty beam and the other girl who I was vaguely told was Leah huffed and stomped off. From then there was an uproar of activity, a few slaps on the back and a lot of happiness. I had underestimated how family orientated Natives were. All the while Sam was interested in only two things: Emily and me. We all talked and I told them about my life, my hopes for school -which ironically was not offered here- and about my parents.

"So...you ever had any boyfriends?" Quil, the goofy pervert wiggled his eyebrows and was sent flying across the room. Sam's muscles flexed and pulled onto his body as he jabbed his finger at the disgruntled Quil, "You watch it." He growled his eyes dangerously narrowed. "Sam, please go get some things for me." Emily slapped a piece of paper in his hand and was shoving him out the door when it flew open and Leah was hollering bloody murder and a boy who I hadn't met before came storming in after her. They screeched and I thought fists would start flying until Sam broke them up.

"It's nothing!" Snapped the boy. He was very attractive and shirtless -what a surprise-. Like the others he was lean and muscular with russet skin and black hair. Upon his shoulder was an identical tattoo that matched everyone else. I wondered if he was single. "And who the fuck is that!?" The boy barked rudely, eyeing me angrily. What the heck did I do?

"That" Sam said "Is my sister, and you better be nice." Emily took this opportunity to shove Sam out the door and I stood there dumbfounded. Jacob patted my shoulder and his hand lingered there for a second too long before people -Quil mostly- cracked jokes about an undying love that didn't exist. "I didn't know Sam had a kid sister." The one who I now knew as Paul grunted. "More like a nuisance."

"It's not really any of your business." I said calmly not caring if I offended the puffed up ass. I decided from the start that while he was unusually attractive he was a dick with the way he snapped and insulted everyone -except Emily-. "And if it was, I really don't see how a pea-brained turd like you could find a decent enough opinion for anyone to care about." He was in my face faster than I liked and had shoved me into a wall. "Watch your fucking mouth, just because your Sam's sister doesn't mean I have to like you." I looked up at him and for half a second when our eyes met his pupils dilated. His vicious expression became mixed with something along the lines of confusion, horror, and...tenderness.

I felt strange like something had passed through me while my mouth hung open. As I went to talk he had just raced out of the room, nearly taking the front door with him. What a strange guy. I thought mildly, not feeling good at all. "We won't be telling Sam about this." Emily warned, Quil covered his face and sniggered "Oh no, lets just watch everything unfold."

Sam had drove me home that night, he wanted to meet my parents who had been absolutely thrilled to meet him as well. They really liked Sam and had many questions that he answered in stride, being very pleasent. "You can tell them to leave you alone. I do when they're annoying." I smiled over at him shyly, and he grinned, "That's kinda disrespectful." Shrugging I snatched a cookie from the coffee table. "It gets the point across though." It was still awkward knowing we were related and when we tried to talk we did it at the same time and then apologized for interupting the other. So instead we sat in silence and let everyone else do the talking. "Does my mom know you're here?" Sam asked suddenly, I shook my head "No, you're the only one." "Then you should meet her, tomorrow."

This was a good and bad idea. Good because it got it out of the way and bad because I had just got done meeting everyone else and needed some peace before I started school. "I don't know about tomorrow..." Sam hunched his shoulders forward as he gazed down at me. Why was I so freakishly short? "There was a lot going on. Joshua had just left her and she had me by herself. Plus there's a possibility that Embry is our half brother. There were circumstances, I'm sure she didn't want to give you up. She's not like that at all." Embry? That sweet quiet guy? "No that's not it at all. I'm just exhausted. It was a long trip and it was a big thing to meet you. I didn't really want to to be honest and it's because I'm happy with what I have. I'm not mad at her or anything I just need space is all." Sam nodded slowly a little disappointed but he held my hand firmly "Well, I hope you do." He pecked me on the forehead before heading off to his truck and I was left with mixed emotions of my parents, his -our- parents, and Paul. What the fuck? Paul? Where the hell did he come from.

I bid my goodnight and headed upstairs to my room. It was bigger than the small closet space of a room back in Virginia. It had a nice big window that over looked the seaside. Mom had arranged and organized everything the way it had been and I was happy that she had a photographic memory. Sliding out of my jeans and shirt I fell into bed. Sleep had never felt so good.


	3. Chapter 3: Dreams & Strawberries

**Sweet Dreams and Strawberries**

** PAULS POV**

_My paws grazed the ground and I was staring at the white house which was picture perfect. Sam's truck had pulled out and I could see Amanda moving around in her room. She was untying her hair which fell past her shoulders in a thick black mass. She was pulling her shirt over her head and exposed her dark skin. She was beautiful and amazing. But why did she have to be related to Sam? Why did she have to be my imprint? The lights went out and I waited a few minutes longer before phasing back into myself, slipping into a pair of shorts I had brought with me. As I climbed up the side of the house and up to the window I could see her back. I smiled as I discovered that she hated wearing clothes to sleep as much as I did._

Pushing the window open I slunk inside, her breathing was steady and shallow. The room was still new and not yet covered in her smell but it was there and I felt relieved that it was just me and her, even if she wasn't aware of it. Below I could hear her parents talking quietly. I waited for them to be quiet before moving towards the girl in front of me. I slid into the bed with her, my stomach in my throat as I worried that she'd wake and hit me with something. I knew it wouldn't do much damage but this looked pretty bad. My first impression earlier had been a real piece of work and I wanted the next time we met to be perfect. I just couldn't wait till then and needed to be near her. I was going to have some explaining to do to Sam when he found out. But I wanted this moment to be special.

She was a heavy sleeper, not stirring at all as I got underneath the covers and put my hand on her hip, stroking the soft skin gently. She sighed, snuggling deeper into her comforter while pressing her back to me. Her skin was cool compared to me and I took full advantage of her deep sleep to wrap my arms around her, resting my head into her hair.

"Sweet dreams Amanda." I told myself that I'd give her a new name that suited her better, but for now it would do. I hadn't meant to fall asleep but I was feeling drowsy and decided that I'd let my eyes rest. I didn't want to leave yet anyway.

Amanda

When I woke up I felt so strange that it was hard to explain, as if I had been missing something but I knew nothing was lost. "Amanda, your friends are here!" Mom called up the stairs, her voice bright and sunny, unlike the weather. And why did she assume I was friends with those people? They were all lean and muscle while I was squishy and not at all athletic. We didn't even look like the same category of people. In fact if Sam and I hadn't looked so similar we could be polar opposites based off of how athletic we were. Now I didn't harbor myself indoors and it's not that I was bad at sports, I just didn't know because I hadn't ever tried.

When I got down stairs, Mom was practically force feeding Jacob, while Quil and Embry force fed themselves. I knew that look on Mom's face. She liked Jacob, like really liked him and was hoping I'd keep him around. Like that boy from Utah, Adam. She had obsessively pressed me about him. Are you dating? Does he like you? Do you like him? No, no, and no! "Grr morfngih!" Quil sputtered through a mouth full of food. I think it was supposed to be a 'good morning' but I didn't know. "Here you are sweetie." Mom kissed my forehead, setting a plate of eggs and bacon and waffles down. Freaking plate of awesome!

"So the boys tell me you're going to meet Allison." Mom mused over the stove, "I said I might and aren't you coming?" She looked over at me almost apologetically. "This is for you not us, and besides she might want her privacy when she meets you...which you should." Before I could badger her with questions she dodged out of the kitchen saying something incoherent and disappeared. Embry slid over to me and because I was short enough, he only needed to lean up out of his chair to sniff me. I backed up, eyeing him oddly, "Dude, did you just sniff me?" He plopped back in his chair, his nose wrinkled a little. "I like your shampoo. What do you use?" "I forget the brand, but it's strawberry scented." Sitting further away from Embry I glared at Jacob who was smirking stupidly into his food. "Would you like to sniff me to?" I snapped, becoming more upset as he snorted  
"No thanks I can smell you from here."

Instinctively I started smelling my shirt and hair "Do I stink?" Jacob and the others laughed and I wasn't sure what was funny but I didn't get it. "No, you smell _just _like strawberries." They were grinning ear to ear and I just didn't get it at all. In fact they were still grinning when we were leaving. "Where are we going?" "To Sams's, everyone is there including the strawberry." They were grinning again, and over one strawberry? "Okay seriously? What's with the strawberry shit? If you don't like it I'll just change my shampoo!" Jacob slid his arm around my shoulders, doing that weird wiggling eyebrow thing. "Don't worry your hair is fine."

By the time we reached Sam's the strawberry thing was getting way out of hand and I had declared that indeed I was changing my shampoo. "You guys seriously need to shut up about the strawberries." Quil was doubled over, "It's not strawberries it's _THE _strawberry." My lips were so strained I thought they could be white "Crackheads." I muttered, stomping off to where Emily waited who looked just as confused as I did.

"What's that about strawberries?" She asked "I don't even know! Embry smelled me this morning asked what I used for shampoo and since then they won't shut up about strawberries!" A dark look passed over the pretty girl's face and told me that they yap on about nothing. Still, I didn't feel it was reassuring.

"Emily where are my-" It was Paul, he stood in the door frame his nostrils flaring and his arms flexed. My face got hot when I remembered yesterday. He was glaring, freaking glaring at me. "Oh...I forgot you'd be here. Is this going to be a regular thing?" I wanted to slap him. "No, apparently Sam wanted to see me, once I start school I won't be around much." He shrugged and gave this lopsided smirk "Oh, that's good because I was beginning to think my days were going to be very cramped." Emily rolled her eyes and said "She's going to the same school as you." This information wiped his smug look right off his too-handsome-jackass-face. "What? Why? She-" Emily spoke slowly, "She's entirely blood related to Sam, by law she belongs to her parents and she's not old enough to leave the care of her parents, so the Elders allowed her family to live here." Paul was glaring as his tiny brain processed this,

"Where the hell was I when this happened?" Emily sighed now too fed up to really keep explaining, "You were chasing skirts Paul." Embry and Quil along with Jacob busted through the door, how three guys that large could cram through the frame should be a wonder of the world but alas it wasn't. "Look it's Paul, hey Paul do you like _strawberries_?" I threw my hands up, this was getting ridiculous. "What the fuck? Strawberries?" Paul eyed them like Emily eyed them, strangely. As quick as they'd come the trio bounced away laughing at their inside joke leaving me alone with Paul. Where Emily went I had no idea, I didn't even see her leave.

"Whatever just stay out of my way and we're all good." As he went to brush past me his shoulder knocked into mine, completely throwing off my balance. "What the hell is your problem!? I haven't done anything to you!" I spat reeling in on the considerably taller boy. He was glaring some more, somebody ought to teach him more face expressions. "You can't just come here expecting everyone to like you just because of who you are." He sneered giving me a disgusted look. "Did you think all would be perfect and you can just plop your fat ass in the middle of everything?" My hand jerked back and the next thing I knew my fist was getting acquainted with his face. Fist meet face, face meet my fist. He howled and wrenched my arm, twisting it behind my back and tugging painfully on it. His chest rumbled inside and his eyes were an odd hazel, almost yellow. Weren't they brown or black? And why did I even know that? Paul had me against the wall, his pelvis crushing into my stomach, while he breathed heavily.

" . ." His voice came out soft, not like I had expected at all. And his grip on my arm remained firm but not painfully while his other hand rested on my hip. "Get off me." I growled wiggling unsuccessfully, I decided to get ready to knee him. His mouth curved and he smirked at me "No." No? As in _No, I want to keep sexually harassing you? _His nose touched mine and he deepened his lean on me. What the hell was this guy's problem?

"I said get off of me." As I tried to break free he tugged on my arm making me wince in pain. "It's really unfortunate that you're Sam's sister." He muttered, burying his face into my hair and taking a deep breath. What was with the guys here? Was that just how they got to know people? It was like dogs or something. There was a pounding across the floor and somewhere in the background Emily shouted as large hands flew out across me, forcing Paul away and tumbling to the floor. He landed with a hard thud and his face flashed a deadly anger. Sam was blocking my view, his body shuddered and convulsed as he squeezed his fists. "Get outside!" He barked, pulling Paul up and practically throwing him out the door and down the stairs. I watched in mild horror as they started fighting in the yard. The rest of the group looking on warily. Glancing back at Emily I told her that I needed to go and took off through the back door.

"You're really quiet honey. Did you get into a fight with Sam?" Damn mom and her intense skills at reading people. "No, I just have a bad stomach ache." I lied. Well my stomach hurt from being in shock but she didn't need to know that. "Oh, well did you want to go lie down?" I nodded quietly, I wasn't too hungry after today. "I'll see you guys tomorrow." Getting up I ran upstairs and shut the door, thumping my head on it a few times before crawling in bed. There was a tap at the door and Dad popped his head in. "Can I come in?" I bobbed my head too tired to really have conversation. "I know this is different, and making new friends is hard but you won't regret it in the end." Dad said, sitting next to me on the bed. So he hadn't bought the stomach pain which Mom hadn't either. But at least they didn't know the whole truth and that's what I wanted. "I know. But I'm trying." I was not convincing at all but Dad was not Mom and thankfully wouldn't push it. "We're here if you need us. And we always will be." He kissed my forehead and switched the light off leaving me to my thoughts in the dark.


	4. Chapter 4: Things Not so Great

**Things not so Great**

It had been two weeks since the incident at Sam's and I had avoided them at all costs, except for Jacob who walked with me to school. He never asked me to go to Sam and talk to him but always avoided the topic if I didn't want to talk about it. Quil, Embry, Jared, and this awesome little guy named Seth tried to trick me a few times in going to the house, when I realized where I was going I made a beeline and flung myself out of the moving car. They nearly had a heart attack, but mom made me take classes on being kidnapped that covered on ways to escape so it was all good. Sort of, I scraped my knee pretty badly and Mom threw a huge fit, I told her I tripped but she didn't believe me and kept going on about my skin being scarred. "Who's going to marry you now?!" She cried, what a drama queen. I had thought while Dad lifted the newspaper, pretending to be preoccupied.

After that Sam had decided that that was enough and didn't plot anymore schemes. However if it wasn't Sam it was Paul, whom I couldn't evade so easily. It was nothing overly horrible. Childish things like spit balls, name calling, and tugging on my hair, and the occasional smacking my books out of my hands. He poked fun at me whenever he could and it got so bad that I started skipping classes, faking sick and having poor Jacob bring me my class work. I felt like Kagome in Inuyasha. And all the while I still hadn't gone to see Allison. I suspected she had called the house a few times. Calling but never saying anything and just hung up. I ditched my cell a while back since Sam kept calling and a few times Emily.

"Do you want to go out later?" I asked Jacob. It was Friday and I hadn't really been anywhere. He glanced at me his face guarded. "Where?" "I don't know I haven't been here that long." He looked unsure and took a while to answer, "If you don't want to it's okay." I said even though I couldn't help but feel a little rejected. I really liked Jacob, he was super sweet and we hung out a lot and studied together. We even shared most of our classes together, sadly Paul was in every single one of my classes making them excruciating to deal with. "No it's cool we can go somewhere. But you have to promise me something." I looked at him, "What?" He grinned his famous cheeky grin "You have to go by Sam's." That seemed fair, maybe. "Okay but you're buying lunch or whatever." He smiled wider and we continued our walk.

Mid-afternoon, around lunchtime we all sat around eating. Paul directly in front of me flicking peas onto my tray. At this point I just ignored him, I didn't eat lunch anyway. After I had announced this some time ago Paul had retorted "Good because you're fat." I wasn't fat, just more stocky than most girls. Still, I found myself checking the mirror more often. "So Jacob, have you thought of any good places to go to later?" Jake stiffened considerably and everyone else got quiet looking at us like we were going to run off and start sacrificing chickens. Paul twitched, "Yeah Jake have you thought of anything super special?"

Jacob swallowed his food and lifted his chin defiantly. "Yeah actually I was thinking lovers peak." Paul growled his eyes flashing. "Why? She's fat and disgusting." I stood up glaring angrily, I was so sick of being called fat when I wasn't, "I am not fat, and I'm not the one trying to fuck everything wearing a skirt!" He laughed his harsh laugh, "You're just made it's not you!" I had completely had it, my hands slid under my tray and I flung it into Paul's face. "You're such a jackass!" I tugged on Jacob, "Lets go." He followed me reluctantly and we exited the school. "I don't get what I ever did." I said after long moments of silence. "Paul's just an ass to anyone." Jacob tried his best to comfort me but it didn't work. "You know Jake, I don't know why I care but I do." We stopped to look at each other. "I just want to go back to Virginia. I hate it here."

JACOBS POV

Amanda looked down at her feet and I could hear Paul in the distance running after us. He imprinted on her and hadn't been able to mend his several mistakes and just took out his frustrations on her, making the whole thing worse. He accused me constantly of trying to have Amanda for my own but that wasn't it at all. She was Paul's and I respected that in full. But she was dying on the inside, imprinting can make both people suffer. I counted the seconds, timing how long it would take for Paul to get here with the others. 5...4...3...2... "I really hope this works." I grabbed Amanda by the waist and kissed her, made it passionate and meaningful. I wanted her to be happy because other than Bella and the others I cared about her being happy. She wouldn't be if Paul wouldn't step up his game. "Motherfucker!"

We were sent sailing, all three of us, pummeling down a steep hill. Amanda cried out and I kept her protected as we fell. When we reached the ground I was ready for Paul to jump me and we were flung to the ground once more. I could feel him getting ready to phase and ordered Embry to get Amanda away. "Come on!" Embry wrenched Amanda through the trees and had her bounding off. "I thought you were my friend!" Paul spat his body morphing and taking the shape of his familiar grey wolf. I followed in suit, circling, making sure I left no openings. _Didn't think that leech-lover rejecting you would make you stoop so low. _Paul thought viciously. I could feel his hate and his anger and his need to protect what was his. _What's low is you constantly harassing your mate. _I snapped, _Don't you know or care how much you hurt her? _Paul was snarling and bared his fangs at me, he wanted me dead. _She checks her mirror Paul. She weighs herself constantly, and it's all because of you! _He lunged then, snapping at my face, neck, and legs. His blind rage made it easy to dodge but he attacked ferociously not letting me get my ground.

_She likes flowers, and her favorite color is purple, she has an imaginary pet raccoon named Bob. _Paul nearly laughed at this, _She would murder for a bowl of spaghetti, and she thinks she's going to find Utopia and be it's overlord. _All I revealed was true about Amanda, she really did have an imaginary raccoon named Bob, and she did want to find Utopia and be it's ruler, and her favorite dish was spaghetti, all because I had taken time to just know those things -the raccoon thing was a total accident as well as Utopia- and still Paul believed I was out to steal her. _That's enough. _Sam appeared in the clearing his wolfish eyes narrowed meanly. _Go back to the house Jacob, and wait there. _Sam was stiff and menacing. He certainly hadn't liked all that he had heard nor had he known about his sister's plight until now. He had taken an immediate liking to her and felt his duty to watch over her, and he wasn't willing to hand the baton over to Paul. He did not like the imprint and made it clear openly.

AMANDA POV

I was sitting next to Leah. We didn't get along super duperly but it was comfortable to be near her because she only spoke if you spoke to her. "Forget it, Paul's an ass, he'll come around...they always do." What's to come around? Paul made it clear I was revolting to look at. "Well when he does I don't want to be there." Leah rolled her eyes, "You say that now." She muttered so low that I almost didn't hear her. "Leah can I ask you something?" she glanced through the corner of her eye, "What?" "Am I fat?" she doubled over, nearly falling out of her chair. "Why would you ask something like that? You're not even fat." "Paul says I am." "Oh...well fuck Paul." I smiled then and she actually smiled back.

We heard crashing and this huge gray wolf like bigger than a bear huge bounded down towards the house. "Holy freaking crap!" I jumped up trying to pull Leah inside who stood there fearlessly. "C'mon Leah! That thing is freaking huge!" I yelled, the wolf's breathing becoming louder as he got closer. "Stop!" Leah yanked her arm away, "It's just idiot Paul." Paul? As in Paul Lahote? The wolf slowed to a trot and suddenly took form into Paul, a naked Paul. Leah cursed and went inside, banging the door behind her. "Y-You are very naked!" I covered my face and turned trying to not look at him. "No shit, now get me some clothes." He drawled as I glared over at him "Get your own damn clothes!"

"You're my mate so get my fucking clothes!" He spat, "I don't even know what that means but no!" In three large steps Paul was in front of me, "Then give me yours." That wasn't even a fair trade. "Paul..." It was Sam coming out of the trees, "I'm giving you this one chance if you fuck it up I'll rearrange your face." Paul was seething as he grabbed my wrist and pulled me to a room that had been reserved as his. "I don't want to be in here while you're naked!" Paul shrugged "Get over it. We're going to be in bed together sooner or later mate." "First you're calling me fat and ugly and now you're saying we're going to have sex? I don't think so. I would like my first time to be with someone nice, like Jake." His whole back stiffened and that low rumble emitted in his chest. "By the way that wolf thing...what the fuck was that?"


	5. Chapter 5: Tickle Attack

**Tickle Torture and Brotherly Love**

You know that feeling you get when you're cramming too much food down your throat? That feeling of trying to swallow but your body is like 'What the hey man?! I can't take all that!' And you practically projectile vomit every where? That's how I felt as Paul explained, Sam reasoned, and Emily comforted. To know there were things such as vampires and werewolves (although they weren't really werewolves) and that Paul was my bonded mate for life. It was literally too much to take in. So being a food orientated person that I was I decided stuffing my face was the best option right now.

"This spaghetti is delicious Emily!" I say, loading my plate for thirds. Paul had -thank god- put some pants on and was glaring at me. Don't know what for but this spaghetti was bomb. "Maybe she's a wolf too." Embry eyed me suspiciously, "Kinda eats like one." I frowned. Sam had also told me that because of my bloodline or whatever it was possible I could change too, and if I did, my current social life would pretty much go down the drain.

"No more for you! You're going to explode!" Emily slapped my hand away from the pot and shooed me into Paul. "Perhaps you guys should talk-alone Sam." Sam grounded his teeth and was giving Paul all sorts of mean looks who looked pleased, probably because he was under Emily's protection. "Come on." He took my hand and we made our way out. We walked a good distance away from Sam's little red house and not once did Paul let my hand go. "If you're my mate, why were you such an ass?" Paul ducked his head under some branches not looking at me. "Because, you like Jacob." His answer was curt but straight forward. It was true that I had come to like Jacob, and some part of me held feelings for him. But it wasn't love, not like that anyways. I wasn't sure what I felt actually.

I loved him like he were my brother but we were close like friends. Still he had kissed me and that made things awkward, probably because I liked it and probably because I know he had only done it to tick Paul off. "Yes I like Jacob, but not the way you were thinking." I answered slowly, trying to make sense of my jumbled up thoughts. "That part's confusing to be honest with you." Paul twisted his fingers into mine, griping tightly. "Would you have dated him?" He appeared calm but the daggers coming out of his eyeballs begged to differ. "No. To hang out yes, but to date most likely not." Paul hummed seeming happy with my answer. "Mom will be disappointed though. She really likes Jacob." "Well tell her to go date him." And get my face ripped off and mounted on the wall? I think not. Mom served some time in the military as a drill sergeant and no matter how carefree she was now, she wouldn't take being back talked to lightly. "Yeah, I want to live another day so I'm going to have to pass."

We were really deep into the forest when Paul left my side. "I want to show you, without all the drama from before." I turned around as he started taking off his pants, it was too soon to see what was underneath...again. Paul started to shift and morph into his wolf form. And before me a large wolf stood, he was a dark silvery color with a white chin and under belly. Up close I realized he was bigger than a bear and more graceful looking. His gold eyes stared at me expectantly like I was supposed to burst into a wolf any moment. Paul's nose twitched and he made his way over, leaving giant prints behind him. "You're like a horse." His huge wolf face nudged into my stomach, lifting me briefly off of the floor. I was not an airborne girl, I greatly appreciated the firmness of the ground and gripped tightly onto Paul's ears. "This really isn't funny! And I'd appreciate if you put me down!" He waved me back and forth, his chest rumbling with what would be laughter. My fingers dug into soft fur and for the briefest of moments I felt a little peaceful. The past week of stress melted off me, and I felt happy letting my face rest on Paul's. He seemed to feel the same way and for the first time we were in sync with one another. I only wondered how long that would last.

It hadn't been long of course, we had gotten back to Sam's place and we were arguing over me going on the 'date' with Jacob. "I said you could go to! Quil and Embry are going!" Like that made it any better. We had made it clear that it wasn't a date, which is why Embry was bringing his imprint and Jacob was bringing this girl named Bella. "That's not the point!" Paul snapped his eyes glaring down at me. "Well what is the point!?" Everyone stood on the sidelines waiting for the inevitable to happen which was Paul yelling a stream of curses while storming out of the house and me storming off home, also yelling curses. How did I end up with the most temperamental ass in all of La Push? Go figures, must have did something in a previous life to deserve such a fate. I trudged towards the house and Mom was outside waiting for me, her arms folded awkwardly. "Uh hey mom, what's up?" Mom gave off a lopsided grin. "Well I wanted to talk to you about the birds and the bees." The birds and the bees? Aw, crap! "Well, no I don't think so and where did you get that idea?"

She squared her shoulders preparing for what I was still trying to figure out. "Well since you and Jacob are going steady, and kissing and all that I figured it would be a good talk to have." My jaw dropped, literally, and I wondered how the hell she even knew about a kiss that happened only two hours ago. "Jacob and I are not going steady." Mom blinked like she didn't believe me. "Really? Because your friend mentioned you were." Friend? Peaking around the corner I saw Paul waving from Dad's recliner looking pretty smug while stuffing his face with whatever food Mom shoved down it. _ .dead. I glared, _fuming while he waved some more and continued on like I wasn't there. "Either way honey, I got you these, I felt you should use them." She handed me a brown paper bag, smiled, and walked off. Stomping in the house I smacked Paul in the back of the head, "What the hell!?" I sneered, "Why on earth would you tell her Jacob and I are dating and..._active!_" Paul shrugged not seeming bothered at all by how upset I was. "Seemed fitting enough." Holy crap this guy! He has officially graduated from ass to douche bag, and as if on que Jacob was standing in the doorway. "Hey, I was wondering if we were still going to the movies?" "Oh see! I knew you two were dating!" Mom was clapping happily from the kitchen. Poor Jacob, looking pretty trapped. "We're what?" I smiled, taking his hand in mine. "We're dating, cause Paul said so." I loved Paul's black stare and gritted teeth. "Come on, we'll miss the movie Jakey." I slid his arm around my waste and grinned at Paul. "You're welcome to come Paul, just make sure you bring a friend okay?"

When we were out of view of the house as I started cackling. "Serves him right spreading rumors!" Jacob still looked uncomfortable and maybe annoyed. "Amanda, you can't tease Paul like that. He takes things more personally than everyone else." "He started it. Besides I'm not going to go. I have to finish up my assignments for biology and study for my math test." He raked his hand through his hair, "I forgot about that." "The biology stuff isn't due till the end of next week so we can work on it together if you want. But I do need to study." Jacob and I agreed and we would also drag Paul along. Since we all had that class anyway might as well work on it together. "Okay well let me know and I'll see you later." I waved Jacob off and headed into Sam's house. "You can't tease Paul." Sam said not looking away from his TV. "If he's not prepared for me to fight back then he's sorely mistaken." I shot heatedly. "He told my mom I was seeing Jacob and she handed me a brown bag of goodies." Emily laughed from somewhere in the kitchen, as Sam stiffened. "Like condoms?" "Condoms and pills." He was glowering and I knew Emily was standing there giving him the stink eye. "Paul is in the back." She smiled, waving me off but daring Sam to follow.

Time to face the Paul. I expected him to be sitting on the bed with his eye twitching while he foamed from the mouth. Instead he was laying down with his back turned. I had a pretty good idea that he went wolf after we left judging by his lack of shirt and a new pair of shorts. "I'm spending the night here, just so you know." I said tossing my bag in a forgotten corner. Math could wait. Silence. "You're acting like a kicked puppy. And you brought it all on yourself Paul." More silence. Sighing I flopped onto the bed with him, his body heat instantly warming my hands and arms.

"It was a joke anyway so don't get so mad. I told you I don't see it like that." "Could have fooled me." Paul grumbled turning over to look at me. His brown eyes were more relaxed and calm making me feel the same. He twisted a piece of hair around his finger, twirling it as he stared down at me. It was strange to see someone who was normally antsy being totally at peace with himself. "Why didn't you want to go to the movies with us? They're more your friends than mine." Paul frowned, "Because, I wanted to go to the movies with just you." I felt my face contort into the 'why-didn't-you-just-say-that-butthead?' face. He blushed, a blush dark enough to change the tint in his cheeks. "Are you blushing?" I laughed out loud pointing at the blotched skin. "Haha! you ARE blushing!" He was glaring at me now and covered my mouth "I am not blushing!" His voice came out in a growl but the playful look in his eyes told me he had something evil in mind. And oh how I wish I had just gotten out of bed, "Teach you to laugh at me!" He snarled grabbing my hips and began to pinch and tug at my overly sensitive skin and muscles. "No!" I cried trying to wiggle away from Paul who was howling (literally) as his fingers ran over my body pinching at my rib cage. I was going to pee on myself and I'm pretty sure I smacked my foot several times against the foot board which would probably bruise later.

"Stop having sex in there!" Sam screamed from the other side of the door, flinging it open as he stomped over and grabbed Paul off me, or tried to anyway since Paul didn't let go. "Drop her." Sam ordered shaking Paul vigorously. "No." "Stop shaking me I'm going to throw up!" I snapped. Even though I was impressed at how strong Sam was, I mean he looked it but I hadn't actually seen him in action. Growling Sam dragged us out to the living room where everyone else was looking on, amused and grinning. "Drop her." Sam said, "And I'll give you to the count of three." Our faces were close, too close for comfort and his gaze was unnerving. "You have beautiful eyes." Paul was sniffing me and I was retching at being called beautiful and I'm not sure what Sam looked like but it was probably comical.

"Don't kiss her Paul." He was grinding his teeth like he was physically in pain to see Paul so close. I knew my face was red, a very deep shade of red, maybe the color of beets. Paul leaned down, despite Sam's efforts to pull us apart and brushed his lips onto mine. Like everything about Paul, his kiss was a surprise. I expected him to be rough and demanding, but he was gentle. His lips were soft and he tasted sweet. Sam yelled something incoherent and dropped us onto the floor, ending our kiss. "Hmpfh! Now I have to actually put in an effort to kiss you." Paul yawned dodging the shoe that had been flung across the room. "That makes two people to kiss Amanda, can I be next?" It was probably Jared and I didn't bother to look at who pummeled him. They sure did like to solve with their fists around here.

Like the other night Sam drove me home and greeted my parents, putting up with their questions. "I told you, that you can tell them to go away." I said as we stood on the porch. "You haven't met my Mom yet." Sam replied thoughtfully. Oh yeah, Allison. To be honest I had forgotten about her. "I know. I forgot." I was a little ashamed of forgetting but that was more for Sam than for Allison. I didn't even know her. "Are your parents not okay with it?" I shook my head "No they are, it was their idea anyway. It's just I don't feel the connection you do and so I'm not in a hurry to see her." Sam messed with my hair, "But she wants to see you. Tomorrow, I'll go with you after school." And like that Sam had made plans for me. "See you tomorrow." He waved and was in his truck heading down the road.

As I sat alone in my room, cramming for my test, I thought about Allison Uley and for the first time I realized that I held some resentment for her. She had kept Sam, but had given me away as soon as I was born. Was I the catalyst for Joshua to leave her? And for that had she just chosen to get rid of me in hope of him returning? No, that couldn't be it. From what Emily had told me Sam had taken on the man-of-the-house-figure and had bared much of his father's weight on his shoulders. "I think she wanted to save you." Mom had said one night over dinner. "I think she wanted to give you the best future you could have." Mom was always so positive that sometimes you wondered what sheltered home she had come.

Scribbling a few notes and tucking away the paper into my worn bag I jumped at the sound of a tapping noise. Glancing over I stared as Paul wedged his way through my window. "What are you doing!?" My voice came out in a harsh hiss. "You're parents went to their room, they won't come out." Paul grunted, flinging himself onto the bed, not caring that he was crushing my assignments. "Okay but what if they come to check on me?" Paul lifted his shirt over his head, tossing it some place to be left forgotten. "They won't." "What do you mean 'they won't?" He smirked over at me, wrenching me by my wrist so that I was in his lap. "I come here every night -except when I make rounds-, they're heavy sleepers you know." "I freaking sleep in my underwear!" I half screamed half whispered, feeling the heat creeping into my face. "I know. It's awesome." He was laughing into my hair, causing goosebumbs all over my body. "Well you're not sleeping here tonight." I couldn't believe he had seen me several times in my underwear and bra, and I wasn't even aware of it. "That's a red zone form of stalking. And it is socially unacceptable." He snorted, "You're cute when you sound smart." Was that an insult hidden beneath a compliment? "Whatever, just go home already or I'll tell Sam." "Oh, Sam already knows." Paul went on to explain the mental connection the pack had when they were all in wolf form and I was extremely embarrassed. That would have meant that not only had Paul been seeing me naked on a regular basis but everyone else had too, including Sam. "Please tell me you're lying to me!" I was going to die from embarrassment. Paul hummed, smelling me like he creepily did. "I would never lie to you." He mused, tracing the crook of my neck with his lips.

"Okay stop that!" I snapped, jumping out of bed. "What?" He literally looked confused. Like coming into my room randomly, telling me he had been doing it since we met, and that not only he but everyone else had seen me naked, and that his sudden change in attitude towards me was totally normal. "You want me to be an asshole to you?" Paul asked quizzically, raising his brows. "No! That's not what I meant. It's just that I'm used to you spitting things into my hair, tripping me, and smacking my things out of my hands. I don't know this new Paul!" Paul let his head drop, "I said I was sorry." "I'm not mad about it, I just don't know how to handle it. It's like being room temperature and then some one grabs you and throws you into frigid water." I was sitting next to him now, and was looking away "And Sam wants me to see Allison tomorrow. He's taking me after school. I didn't realize that I was stalling it until just now."

Paul was beside me and pulled me to lay down with him, he was really warm almost too hot to bare. "If you don't want to go, then don't. It's your choice not his." "But I do. I just thought it was because I felt awkward meeting her, I never noticed that I was angry. I don't want to hate someone I don't know. Who does that anyway?" Paul smiled then, "A lot of people actually." I inhaled, breathing in his scent. Leaves, wood, and gum. Fall time and gum, a strange mix but it worked for Paul. I liked it and took comfort in his presence. Our peaceful moments never lasted though, there was always something that made us grind against each other. Like two positive magnets trying to be pushed together. We may have been mates but there were times when we were so incompatible that I questioned the wolf's ability in choosing a mate. "Go to sleep, I'll go with you tomorrow." Paul mumbled, his voice laced with the heavy weight of sleep.


	6. Chapter 6: Allison

**Okay the native name I chose for Amanda, was Nizhoni. Which was Navajo for 'beautiful'. Rayen which means 'flower'. I do not know if Rayen is Navajo, the site I used didn't really give me specifics. It did say Mapuche but I don't know if that is a tribe. I found them here: names/usage/native-american. Also, I can't really see red on a computer screen and may have missed spelled words and such. So I apologize before hand for anything I missed.**

**Allison Uley**

School had been uneventful and I had bombed my test, horribly. Along with Jacob, and Paul. Sam was driving us down the winding road, chewing us out -but mostly me- about getting a good education and going to college. He was worse than Dad about education and that was seriously saying something. "I can't wait till you have kids so I can spoil them into going against you." I muttered, glaring out the misty window. Sam went tense for the briefest of minutes, not taking his eyes off the road "Will you be staying here that long?" I blinked, it never occurred to me that I could stay permanently. "Well, no. I was only planning on finishing high school here. I already have a college lined up in Virginia." Sam's shoulders dropped as if he had been hoping and I felt horrible realizing I had crushed that hope. Paul shifted uncomfortably and was really interested in the trees. Smooth Amanda, I thought angrily. "But I mean I can change it to a local college here." Sam looked grim, "No, there's not much offered here anyway. Don't waste your smarts. If you have a chance take it."

The rest of the ride was quiet and I let my inner self verbally abuse me. As I slid out of the truck, breathing in the cool air of Washington I glanced all around me. Allison's home was small and well taken care of, despite the lack of a male figure. There were small flowerbeds organized neatly outside of the house making the white house appear cheery. "Come on, she's expecting us." We followed in Sam's footsteps, me only because Paul was leading me. "She's not going to bite you." Paul snickered

No, because that would mean she's a vampire and she wouldn't be living here. "Mom! We're here." Sam pushed the screen door back to let us in. Allison's home was neat and organized like the outside, there were very few pictures, all of her and Sam or of just Sam in his younger school years. He was her pride and joy and I fought back some jealousy that ebbed inside me. It wasn't Sam's fault at all and I shouldn't act like that. As I had expected there were no pictures of Joshua. "Sam! I hadn't expected you so soon, I was making lunch-" Allison's voice was cut off when she saw me. She was a pretty woman, with black peppery hair and expressive brown eyes. Like all of the inhabitants in La Push her skin was russet. Her face held age and years of stress. "Oh." She said staring at me with a distant and unsure look. "I'm Amanda." I reply, sticking my hand out to shake her hand. After all Dad said to be polite.

"Amanda? Of course..." Allison blinked not taking my hand, instead she let her hands rest on my face. "You are more than I imagined you to be." She whispered, tucking a lock of hair behind my ear. It was strange hearing her voice. I had never imagined who my real mother might be and so it was like being awakened from a dream, or a deaf child hearing for the first time. I didn't know how to react to her touching me, I wanted to hug her back but my arms were like lead, heavy and stiff. Allison must have realized I was uncomfortable because she moved away. "You must have many questions." Allison sighed, as if the whole world had been weighed down on her shoulders. "Not exactly, to be honest I never thought about you."

The words sounded harsh and even I cringed, I hadn't meant it to sound so mean but I wanted to be honest with her. "I grew up with nice parents, and I figured out pretty quickly that I was adopted. But it didn't bother me. It was mom's idea to come out here." Why was I being such a bitch today? "I see." Allison rubbed her temples and maybe her eyes, did I make her cry? "How old was I when you gave me up?" Allison straightened and cleared her throat, "They took you as soon as I had you." She went on quickly to explain, "I signed the adoption papers before you were born, at the time I did not know that that meant I relinquished all rights to you right then and there. I was not allowed to see or hold you after you were born and I left the hospital not knowing what it was like to hold you. They didn't even tell me how much you were weighed." She sniffed, "If I had known that's what would happen I would have waited." She looked over at Sam sadly, "When I found out I was pregnant I had told Joshua, I thought he would be happy, nothing was wrong in our marriage then, and that's when he just left and also when people started finding out Tiffany Call was pregnant." Allison's voice was bitter and I knew that her love for Joshua had never subsided but she harbored a new-found hate for him and maybe even Embry's mother. "People already pitied me enough and Sam was having a hard time coping with it. We struggled badly, I did my best to provide but it wasn't enough. I decided then that I could not let my baby struggle as we did so I made a choice. I didn't start showing until four months and I started to hide my pregnancy."

I shifted on the balls of my feet. "Nobody would have blamed you for doing it though." I said staring at the older woman, "Nobody would have said anything openly, but our people's belief is firmly ingrained in us and what I did is considered disgraceful. It was bad enough that Sam walked around with a dead-beat father hanging over his head, he couldn't be labeled by me too, a disgraceful mother who had chosen outsiders over family and friends to raise her child." So she had taken Sam and I in consideration, and had been the one to silently pay the price for it. Though I didn't know Joshua, I hated him, after all Paul said people hate others they don't know all the time. Why promise someone to be there forever and more if you don't intend on it? Marriage is a life decision, you promised for better or worse. "Well my 'Grandma' did not want me as apart of the family, so her and my mom got into a fight in the front yard..." Totally lame Amanda. How was that supposed to make her feel better? "She's right. There are plenty of people who give their children up out of carelessness or selfishness." Sam said, gripping his mother's shoulder affectionately. She seemed to not have heard us as she gazed in the distance. Paul held my hand, squeezing it. I had forgotten he and Jacob had been standing there.

"One of the nurses became friends with me." Allison mused, her eyes still faraway as she got up to shuffle around the room. "She took a picture of you and had taken one of the outfits you wore and gave them to me." We followed her to the back of the house, into her room where she crouched to reach under her bed. The room was void of any pictures and anything sentimental, excluding a picture of Sam in his football uniform on her nightstand. "Here we go." Allison pulled out a dusty black shoe box and sat on her bed, her hands clutching it tightly as if she were afraid it'd disintegrate. "I held onto them for so long." She whispered, pushing the lid back. "Sometimes I would see you in my dreams. As a baby or a toddler, and occasionally a young woman on her wedding day." Her weary face pulled into a tight smile. "But I never dreamed I would ever see you in person."

In her hands was a small photograph that was stained with age and sun exposure. A small baby with a little pink wrist band stared back clueslessly. Her hair was thick and stuck to her red face, her tiny fists balled up like she was going to punch someone. "I look like a wrinkly potato." I blurted, ruining the ominous quiet. Allison laughed then, "Yes, you did. But a very beautiful wrinkly potato." In the wrist band you could clearly see a name scrawled out in black ink. _Nizhoni Rayen Uley. _"It means beautiful flower." Allison said, noticing my gaze. "They had allowed me to name you, and even though I knew that whoever adopted you would most likely change it, I put a lot of thought into it."

SAMS POV

They talked for a long while on the porch. They exchanged their life stories, Amanda leaving out Paul's imprint on her. When it was time to go they hugged and Amanda promised she would come by again soon. As we drove, I thought about her leaving after graduating and even though I did not want her to go. I knew it was selfish but I had only just now got to know her and I didn't want the possibility of her not coming back. I stared at Paul through the rear view, he was drawing on Jacob's face who had fallen asleep. As much as I didn't like the idea of him imprinting on Amanda -especially since it turned out he hadn't imprinted on Rachel at all- he was my only hope in her staying.

_"If you keep interfering she'll just start sneaking around." _Emily's scolding voice echoed through my head, _"Beside's Paul visits her every night."_ Oh yeah, which reminded me, turning in my seat I jabbed my fist into Paul's forehead. "Ow! What the hell!?" Paul groaned, waking Jacob who smeared the ink with his sweaty hand. "For sneaking into my sister's room and making me see her naked." Amanda buried her face into her knees. "It's not my fault she's hot." Paul snapped, "What the fuck is on my forehead?" Jacob rubbed his head trying to stare into the rear view. "Yes we get it, you're _gorgeous_ but sit down so I can see!" Pushing him back I continued to drive until we reached home. "Can't you guys just not have sex?" I asked looking at them seriously. "We're not having sex!" Amanda shouted, "No but we will be." Paul wrapped his arm around her waist, "Right now if you want."

AMANDAS POV

I dodged out of the way as the two rolled in the dirt like cavemen. "What's on my forehead?" Jacob asked, striding next to me. "A really blurry penis." He cursed trying to rub the ink completely off. "I have a whole box of colorful sharpies, we can get him back when he's sleeping." We agreed on getting Paul all dolled up when he slept, after all it was the weekend.


	7. Chapter 7: Sharpies

**Okay so I realized the title of the story is 'Incompatible' and I intended the OC and Paul to be just that at least up to a certain point and I haven't really been incorporating that. So I am going to make it more dramatic. After all love doesn't always sail smoothly. And Thank you all for your reviews and inputs, I greatly appreciate them. And a very special thank you to MakaylaLahote for the name suggestion! I will do my best to incorporate this into the story! I'm honestly not sure if I want Amanda to be a wolf, I'm going back and forth on the idea. Let me know what you think please!**

**Sharpies are Evil and Past Loves**

We had a lot of fun drawing on Paul, having a huge array of colors made it extremely interesting too. Jacob had scribbled pretty much every horrible thing he could possibly scribble onto Paul's body. Including **BUTT PUNCHER 1000 **in huge bold letters in an arch on Paul's chest that was borded in small penis's. Embry drew vivid circles over Paul's pecks, giving the impression of misshapen oblong boobs that were blue. They all signed their names under their 'masterpiece' as they called it and fled the scene as if the self-control lacking Paul was too dumb to read. Me? I had just doodled a Frenchman's mustache and beard, a few crappy anime characters and since it was out -He sleeps naked- I glued googley eyes to his wiener.

"He's going to be pissed when he wakes up." Quil snorted, stuffing his mouth with popcorn. "You drew a vagina on his forehead." Jared retorted, his eyes gleaming. "And? according to Jacob over there, he punches butt-holes." Jacob shrugged, "Amanda glued googley eyes to his penis...with super glue." The guys nodded in unison like I had done the most horrible thing of all. "Seriously? Of all the things you guys did mine was the worst?" Jacob nodded, "If my penis grew eyes, I'd cut it off." "I'd have a heart attack." Quil thought for a moment "If it grew eyes, can you imagine trying to touch yourself? It would just look at you and be like: 'Oh Quil, why do you sin Quil?!'."

I choked. Leave it to Quil to take it too far. Shaking my head I got up, "I'm going to bed guys. Thanks for the horrible images." I slipped quietly into my shared room which Sam had reluctantly allowed. Holding back a laugh I crawled into bed, nudging Paul to the other side of it as I made myself comfortable. Stuffing a pillow between us as he was completely naked I started to doze off to sleep, knowing tomorrow was going to be a loud morning.

"WHAT THE FUCK!?" I felt my body being flung off the bed as Paul leaped over me. Already I could hear the guys laughing. The bedroom door flung open and Paul was stomping around. "Like I can't read you fucking idiots!" Paul roared, throwing things, probably trying to hit someone. "Put some clothes on Paul, I'm not into butt punching like you!" They jabbered like hyena's making Paul more upset. I sighed, pulling myself off of the floor and shuffling to the living room where Sam steadied me. Emily was there too, her tiny hands covering her mouth as Paul hurricaned around. "Serves you right for drawing on my head!" Jacob shot, ducking behind the couch as Paul launched a chair at him. "Take it outside guys! Not in the house!" Sam pushed everyone outside where Paul morphed into his silvery wolf form, snapping and snarling at everyone else who in turn morphed. "Well, do you want some coffee?" Emily yawned moving towards the kitchen. Coffee sounded great.

After the noise had died down, Paul was not on talking terms with anyone, especially me. He made a point to sit as far away from me as possible. I told him bad things happened to the person who falls asleep first at a slumber party. He called bull and started yelling at me. So I told him to stuff it and was conversing with Jacob. I guess I could go easy on him, after all I did super glue eyes to his penis. Which had not been fun -for him- to pull off. However I called all truces off when he spilled mustard by 'mistake' into my hair. Nobody used mustard at breakfast, ketchup maybe but not mustard. I absolutely hated mustard. I hated the smell, color, and taste especially. Now as we sat at the table we completely ignored each other.

"Are you sure you don't want to eat?" Emily asked pushing the plate towards me, I felt my stomach turn hungrily. "No, I'm not hungry." I could feel Jacob staring at me. "Are you on a diet?" Emily asked, this was normal conversation for many girls but I felt uncomfortable in it. "She should be." Paul muttered into his plate, I felt my face get tight as I glared at him. "I'm not fat." Paul looked over at me, he seemed to be enjoying his upper-hand, "Not really at your waste." He added, "But your legs are, Rachel's legs were not that big. They were long and slender." I didn't know who Rachel was and I had a really bad feeling from the tense aura in the room about the girl's mysterious identity. I stood up, my hands slamming against the table. I opened my mouth to respond to him, but that's what he wanted, Paul wanted to egg me on and I was not going to give him the satisfaction of watching me have a bitch fit. Grabbing my bag I hurried out of the house, telling Sam I would walk home.

"You seem to be in a bad mood all the time when you come home." Dad swatted my legs off the couch so he could sit down. "I failed my math test." I lied, "Like you care about math." Dad mumbled staring at his newspaper though he wasn't reading it. "Did you get into a fight with Jacob?" Dang. They still thought I was with Jacob. Then again I wasn't really with anyone. Just a girl that shared a bed with naked boys. I felt a little dirty at that eye opening revelation. "No, I didn't get into a fight with Jacob, we're not even dating. It was a bad joke a friend played." If I could even call Paul a friend. "Is this the friend that looks at you like your're a possession?" Dad was casual about it all but I knew he was prodding. "You mean Paul?" "The angry one right?" "Yeah that's Paul."

I was staring aimlessly into the TV. "Yeah that's him. He's bad at pranks. And he stares at everything like that." Dad wouldn't understand the whole imprint thing and I couldn't tell him without revealing the pack's secret or making it seem like I had hit my head. "Do you care about this boy Paul?" Did I care about Paul? I cared about him enough to be hurt by what he said and I cared enough to wonder who Rachel was and that he had compared me to her. "Kind of." Dad nodded, thinking it over. "Well did Paul do something to upset you?" Why did my parent have eyes like Sauron? "He...He likes someone else. I thought he liked me but I guess not..." Dad's face came into clear understanding then and he draped an arm around me "It's not the end of the world, and if he doesn't acknowledge you for who you are then he's not worth it. Or he's just not the one." That was it though, he was the one and somehow he could rub me raw.

Jacob and Billy came over for dinner, and all my Paul based problems disappeared. We played Uno -I lost-, Scrabble -I also lost-, Spades -lost horribly-, and Monopoly -was in jail so many times I got butted out of the game-. Still, I had fun and while Dad drove Billy home, Jacob stayed behind to keep me company for a little while. "You didn't finish eating dinner I noticed." Jacob's voice rang behind me as he fiddled with my computer. "I ate a lot at lunch." Which was true. I had a BLT with extra 'B', chips, and a soda. Jacob continued to stare, "I'm dieting. I was thinking of joining the track team." Nobody ever believed anything I said, "Look Paul is an ass, and he says things just to spite people but don't beat yourself up over it. Besides, after you left Emily made him clean the whole house."

"Who's Rachel?" I looked at Jacob, wanting an honest answer. "She's my sister." Jacob replied awkwardly, sitting at the desk. "He thought he had imprinted on her a while back and they broke up when she went back to college." Something was lingering on Jacob's mouth and I knew there was more. "But?" "Sam isn't just protective of you because you're his sister. He's protective because Paul had believed that he had imprinted on Rachel, we thought so too because we felt what he felt. There's a very small chance that he is imprinted on her, and Sam doesn't want you hurt." I wasn't sure what was more surprising. Finding out Billy had a daughter that he'd never mentioned or that Paul had a past girl he had thought he had imprinted on that nobody ever mentioned.

Why was my life so damn complicated? "We're all positive that he imprinted on you, we just don't know why he hasn't let her go yet." I let his words wash over me and flopped backwards, exhaling my frustrated emotions. "And if it makes you feel better Jared thinks you have really nice legs." It did make me laugh, but still this new piece of Rachel made me feel like someone had burned my insides. "Do you think I have nice legs?" Jake sighed and pushed the chair away from the desk to stare dully back at me. "Why do you ask mean questions?" I smiled softly, "Because everyone gives me mean things to contemplate." Jake was quiet for a long time before he answered me, "Yeah I think you have nice legs."

I felt a little pleased that someone had found me attractive and had said goodbye on a happy note to Jacob. I decided to lock my window and attach some bells to it just in case. I wanted to sleep alone tonight and even though I was positive Paul wouldn't show up, I just needed to be sure that if he did, the point would get across.

The weekend passed sourly, with more arguments from Paul, Sam pestering me to go visit Allison, along with school work, and chores. It had been so hectic and stressful that I had decided to go to school alone. I felt bad not telling Jacob but it had been a spur of the moment decision and I wanted to be alone to clear my head. Paul had not apologized for calling me fat or comparing me to Rachel and had said that it wasn't my business to know about what he and Rachael had had. It didn't help at all when Billy announced that his daughter was coming for a two week long visit. I was on edge constantly and snapped at anyone, including my parents who knew nothing of the matter. So this moment of bliss was like a slice of heaven.

I had only seen Paul once and that was when we screamed at each other in Sam's front yard. I realized that I didn't want to go to school. I hated school, I didn't even care about going to college, I had no plans for it at all except to take courses that my parents had wanted to see me take. I bee-lined for the trees and kept walking, taking in the earthy fall smell and stepping over rotting logs. I knew Allison lived not far from here and today was her day off. There was a possibility that she would send me away and tell me to go to school, but that didn't mean I'd actually go to school. When I broke through the clearing, Allison was tending her garden, turning the soil, not noticing that I was standing behind her.

"Can I stay here a while?" She nearly jumped, yelping a small exclamation as she turned to peer up at me. "You scared me!" She sighed, clutching her chest. "And aren't you supposed to be in school?" I sat down next to her, staring at the variety of flowers. "Yeah but I feel like having a three day weekend today." "Sam used to say the exact same thing you know...so what's bothering you?" I decided to not mention Paul at all, because then I'd have to reveal the pack's secret. So I went on to my meager problems. I told her about how I felt about school and that I had no plans afterwards and I just wanted to live my life. I told her that I missed home, I told her that I just wanted to runaway to avoid everyone and kept accidentally blowing up in people's faces.

"I guess wanting to disappear runs in the family." Allison said slowly her gaze holding steady over me. "Sam did the same thing, he'd gone without a word and we all feared for him. When he came back he offered no explanation as to why he'd gone or what happened. But he had changed so much that I could not call him my boy anymore. But he did find himself, I assume after the long searching and thinking he did." She paused to brush the hair out of my face. "You are young, you are stuck trying to please those around you while trying to do what you want. I might not have a right to tell you this but do not make decisions based off of other's views. It is your life, and who are they to live it for you?"

I learned a thing or two from Allison, how to garden and how to let the world around you fall away. As I gathered my things to go, Allison called after me, "Your boy problem by the way," She stared at me through the screen door knowingly, "If he truly loves you. He'll come back." I continued to look on as she disappeared inside her house not once glancing to see if I was still there. She was a special person that was to stay in my life forever.

I decided that I wasn't ready to go home, and so I trudged through the woods some more until it was late. The cool air felt nice on my skin which was bare. As I made my way to the house, there were the Blacks, my parents, Sam, and Paul. On Paul's left was a long haired beauty, practically glued to him. She had to be none other than Reachel. I should not have come home. I thought mildly my good mood going down the drain. When Mom noticed she pushed past everyone, grabbing my shoulders "Are you okay?!" She gasped pulling me into a tight hug. "Jacob said he didn't see you at school and we were worried because nobody you knew had said they'd seen you!" She touched my face, her hands feeling like ice. "Are you sick? Are you okay?" I moved away from her, aware of everyone staring. "I'm fine. I just didn't go to school today." My parents looked at me quizzically. "What do you mean?" Dad was standing in front of me, his hands on his hips. "I mean I didn't go. I didn't want to go." I snapped back, I didn't want them asking me where I'd been like I'd gotten lost. "You can't just decide that you don't go to school Amanda!" Dad fired his blue eyes becoming livid. "Yes I can and I did! And I won't go tomorrow either!" Wrenching my arm away from my mom I ran past everyone, ignoring Paul.

I had locked my door and was sitting alone, tuning out Dad's furious yelling. I plugged my ears up. I just wanted them to disappear, I was sick of people telling me what to do. "Amanda..." It was Sam. "Amanda, open the door." I growled, chucking a book at the door. "Just go away! Can't you people just take your problems and shove it!?" My face felt swollen while me ears burned. I decided to pull my hair into a messy bun to relieve the heat. I waited for Sam to go away and listened to Jacob try an coax me out of the room, eventually he gave up too. I thought about Paul and Rachael. I thought about ripping Reachel's head off and sticking it on a pike and kicking Paul so hard he would never be able to walk again. Then I shook my head. I had no reason to be upset, we were never officially dating and so he was free to be with whoever he wanted. But he promised, _no he didn't. _I thought darkly. Eventually I grew tired of my self arguing and waited till the house was quiet and slid out the window. Slipping off into the woods, embracing my solitude yet again.


	8. Chapter 8: Regret

Thank you all for reading and reviewing! I will admit that I've been having some minor writers block lol. The next few chapters are going to be a tad bit depressing but stick with me because it does brighten up. Again, thank you MakaylaLahote for your advice! Your interest keeps me writing :)

**Regret & Anger**

The air was frigid in my lungs as I bounded through the forest. My legs pushed on, regardless of the cold nipping at my bare skin making it all blotchy and red. I thought about all that had happened today, and wondered what was wrong with me. I remebered when Sam had told me that the imprint isn't the only one to suffer, but that the imprint was prone to devastating circumstances when it came to seperation. Maybe that is what it was? "It makes us animal like sometimes." Emily had said when we drank our coffee, watching the guys spar in the dirt. "Not just them."

Ever since I found out I was an imprint I felt like my whole world had been put upside down and shaken. I sighed out of frustration. The worst part was all I could do was hang there and watch as all the contents spill to the ground. I really wanted to scream, maybe that's why I trudged alone now, to find a good solitude spot for screaming. I had heard of a place in Japan where you could write all your troubles onto glass plates and go and smash them. I could really use that, but they'd run out of plates if I did.

My thin cotton pants were slightly damp at the bottom and clung to my skin making me shiver, it didn't help too much when I reached a small lake. I wondered how far I had walked, and how long would it take me to get back home. Either way I plopped myself onto a large bolder and stared out, the stars were bright and beautiful. It was amazing how many there were.

"I wish I had never met you, Paul Lahote." I muttered throwing a rock into the water. Why couldn't I have been set to marry an average person and live an average life with an average family? Why did I get a tempermental asshole, who was still holding onto his past? And how was it I was the one paying all the fees and fines?

PAUL POV

I had been on patrol, making my rounds around the forest when a familiar scent caught my attention. I followed it for about two miles when I came to a secluded lake. I was surprised to see Amanda, sitting by herself in thin clothing. She was going to freeze to death if she stayed out too long, her lips were already blue. She hadn't noticed me yet so I decided to inch closer.

"I wish I had never met you, Paul Lahote." My name came out in a vicious slur as if the name was dirty all on it's own. And I felt a horrible burning in my chest. Her face was dark as she looked past me, not even noticing that I was standing just past the trees.

"You call me fat." She spat, "You compare me to Reachel," I'm sorry.

"You are fine one minute and then you're blaming me for your troubles." I don't mean to.

"Then you have the nerve to show up to the house in the girl-who-I-knew-nothing-about's arms." She was shaking her head as she laughed in disbelief, her frustration shining in her watery eyes. "Oh, how I wish I had never met you!" In what had simply been her venting turned into a moment that was probably very private as she screamed curses and began throwing random debris. I burned everything I touched, even Amanda. Turning away and taking one last glance, I left. I too wished we had never met. Because then she'd still have her sanity. Slinking back into the dark I ran away from her, ignoring Jacob's awkwardness. _Make sure she gets home. I'll cover your grounds. _I thought glumly, severing our thoughts.

AMANDAS POV

It had to have been one in the morning by the time I made it home and changed out of my sodden clothes. I was exhausted and drained. But I couldn't sleep on my own. Instead I snuck down the hall and into my parents room where they slept soundly. My gut wrenched as I recalled how I had yelled at them. They had always been good parents to me and I had done my best to be a good child up until now.

It had been years since I had crawled into their bed, and though many would say I was too old to do it now, I felt utterly lost. I needed them more than ever as my world was wrecked into pieces. Crawling quietly into bed I slid underneath the sheets, startling them awake. "Amanda?" Mom croaked, still groggy. I gripped her hand, linking our fingers together. "I don't want to be alone. Don't send me away." I felt like such a child right now but I couldn't stop the sobs. "I'm sorry for earlier, and I'll go to school tomorrow." My voice was strained through my tears and my parent were lost for words. "Don't be sorry." Mom whispered, planting a kiss on my forehead. "Are you okay?" I shook my head, "I really don't know."

I laid in bed, reminded of a time when I held their hands as they walked me through the zoo. We were happy and I had no worries. Why couldn't it be that way now? It was true that the world got heavier as you got older and eventually I drifted into a troubled sleep.

School had gone by painfully, Paul sitting at the back of the class, ignoring me as I ignored him. This being a sign of his single status in which all the girls flung themselves at. Paul did not object to their attention and toyed with their naive emotions. He showered them with charasmatic smirks and snide remarks about their physic. All the while Jacob did his best to comfort me. It didn't help much as Paul's open lecherous ways was like an open jab to my pride. But I kept my chin up and managed to get through the days.

Two weeks had gone on like this and I didn't visit Sam much because of the Paul/Reachel duo, but if I did I stayed away from them and mingled with everyone else. I was pretty good at avoiding them, however occasionally Paul and I would somehow end up in a scream fest. Throwing angry insults at each other. "Why don't you lay off?" Reachel had said, her dark eyes narrowed. "Stop walking around her grovelling at what you can't have. Plenty of people are interested in street trash, I'm sure someone will pick you up." I did not care if she was Jacob's sister at that point, once I felt my fist connect with her nose I was satisfied. Blood gushed out onto her crisp shirt and she cursed at me. Sam had stood between us, saying I should just go and wait it out. Wait what out? Why not Reachel. But I knew why, it was because she was the one Paul was attatched to.

So now that I was sort of banned from the Uley residents I spent a lot of time by myself. Jacob becoming attatced to that Bella girl when her vampire boyfriend dumped her and wasn't around too much. But it was fine, it gave me plenty of time to do my homework and watch movies with my parents.

"Don't you have anything planned this weekend?" Mom asked, while we had put the past events behind us they were more wary and watchful now. "Nope." I replied popping the 'p' as I did. "Well it's winter break, don't you have friends to hang with?" I shrugged "They're busy. Besides I have a lot of homework and I'll probably stop by and see Allison." Allison and I had become closer and when it was just her and I she called me her 'Little Nizhoni.' While Allison knew something was up, she did not pry for answers or cast scrutinizing looks my way. Instead she waited until I would tell her. Mom pursed her lips, "You need to go out and socialize." I did socialize and look where it got me, of course I wasn't going to say that out loud. "I know, I'm trying." I mumbled, pushing my plate away not feeling too hungry.

Mom patted my hand, her eyes going over me with a worried look. I didn't want her to worry so I plastered a smile on my face and told her there was a small chance I would go to the lake with Jacob and Embry. This pleased her and she let her worry ease, allowing me to escape out into the woods where I had been going to quite a bit lately for relaxation.

My favorite spot had been the woods that I had visited two weeks ago and it was always deserted. Here I studied, did homeowork and scribbled chalk doodles on the big boulders. Sometimes I even spent the night here, Mom wasn't exactly okay with it but she let me go on the condition that I had two cell phones and a flare gun with me at all times. Which was ridiculous really, since it wasn't far from civilization. Every once in a while I would let Jacob tag along, and we had loads of fun roasting marshmallows, skipping rocks, and telling ghost stories -evidently I'm a lame story teller- but Jacob hadn't been up here since Bella got dumped, and I made him swear that he wouldn't bring her up here or I'd break his legs. I wasn't sure how, considering his condition but I would.

Finally when I reached my destination I tossed the heavy camping bag onto the ground and started setting up an ugly neon yellow tent -mom said to help me get noticed- and relaxed inside, letting my head peak out from the opening. The sun was barely setting, splashing colors of orange, red, and yellow against a pale blue and gray sky. All my stress was melting away and I started being me, the real me.

Humming as I went through my essays and work sheets, scribbling with pencil and sifting through textbooks I hardly noticed as the day got older, getting dark and chilly. I decided that I could finish the rest tomorrow and shoved the work to the side in a messy pile. Slipping into a sweater that I had stolen from Sam -he didn't need it anyway- I trotted outside, flashlight in hand. It was unusually quiet but I figured the pack was out early and honestly if I were some small critter and a large group of bear sized wolves were prowling through the woods I'd be hiding too.

At night was when things were interesting, if you stayed still enough the forest came alive. The trees whispered and jeered with their limbs, pointing down below as the small mouse narrowly escapes death, and the elegant deer darts through the trees, dancing to it's own tune. I loved it our here, it was truly more beautiful than anything Virginia had ever showed me. As I edged deeper into the forest, I noticed that not even the bugs were out. No centipedes, or spiders, simply nothing. It was still early so I figured they were still asleep and trecked on. Not knowing I was heading towards my impending doom.


	9. Chapter 9: Crisis

**Crisis**

PAULS POV

Two weeks had never seemed like forever to me before. During this time Sam demanded I made up my mind. He had ultimately given me hell when he was forced to send Amanda away after she nearly broke Reachel's nose and had stopped coming by the house. If Sam wanted to see Amanda he had to go to her house, and a lot of times she wasn't home.

It was Jacob who kept Sam up to date on his sister. And would tell us that she visited Allison every day. I felt a fire burning in me every time I thought of them together but I still cared about Reachel. She was my first and you don't forget it no matter how good or bad it was. A part of me resented the fact that she up and left without saying anything, the other part was raging rejection and wished for Amanda. Whenever I wasn't with Reachel I was thinking about Amanda and at school all I did was try to make her notice me by trying to make her jealous like the way she was with Reachel, which only worked for so long before I was left feeling regretful. I wanted a reaction out of her and little by little I got less and less.

As we stood outside of Sam's place phasing into wolves we could smell the leech's stench. She was far, but she was on our land and we rumbled in sync, ready to hunt. Sam bounded out first, and we all followed. _It's definitely not the Cullens. _Seth thought, his wolf nose sniffing the air. No it definitely wasn't. The leech was a woman, and reeked of death mixed with roses and perfume. Whoever she was her ancient feeling illuminated off of her as we closed our distance, and that's when I caught the smell of blood. _Fresh blood. _My stomach flopped as we raced through the trees, I knew that smell. _It's Amanda... _Embry's mind echoed in my head and I could feel Sam picking up his pace. His heavy form crashing through the foliage, destroying anything in his path. My heart was racing and I prayed we weren't too late. The blood wafted into our noses forcing me to gag, it was splattered every where on the forest floor and trees, it felt like an endless trail. Sam let out a rage filled snarl as he launched out, narrowly missing a blonde haired bloodsucker. Her smirk was evil, and amused. "You dogs are ruining the wonderful smell of my prey." The wench drawled, her flawless features twisting as she laughed. I growled, getting ready to attack the stupid bitch when I heard a small cry from my left.

About a foot away was Amanda, a crumpled form hidden beneath a bush. Her body heaved jaggedly as she laid there. I bounded towards her careful not to crush her. When I reached Amanda I saw the gashes on her ribs and neck while her arm was bent at an odd angle. Her eyes were wide as she gasped, barely able to breath. I don't know when I became a human but I was holding her head up as she coughed blood. "Did you get bit?" She shook her head too weak to speak. I huffed out, relief washing over me.

If she had been I would have ended her myself. I couldn't bare to see her become like them, those _things._ To see her becoming something far from human yet deceivingly look it would have been too painful. I kept her body tucked underneath me, ready to protect her if the leech got too close, but the pack was good at keeping her away. Around us there was snarling as the others fought on and I could not help but have a new degree of hatred for those leeches. And I took satisfaction in watching that bitch be torn to pieces, her voice crying out a string of curses in German.

Sam was on me in an instant, shoving me away as he lifted her up. "We can't take her to a hospital." His voice was low and quiet and I couldn't believe what he was suggesting. "Are you saying we should just let her die!?" I barked my shoulders were tense, poised and ready to strike. "I'm saying she's going to phase!" Sam roared back viciously "Do you think it would be a good idea to bring her to the hospital!?" I cussed loudly, kicking at the dirt angrily. "Does Bella have any way to get a hold of the..leeches?" Sam was straining, going over all the possible choices in his head. "No. As far as I know they left without a single trace." Jacob sighed heavily, "We'll take her back to Emily's then. And hope for the best."

My heart dropped, she wouldn't live a normal life after all. I remembered hearing Sam talking to Allison who had been gushing about Amanda's plans. Sam was happy that his sister had wanted to be a pediatric doctor and had announced it over dinner, beaming proudly. All that seemed glum now as I stared at her limp body that dangled helplessly in her brother's arms.

Emily had rushed out when we came into view and ushered us inside. Reachel was there in an instant, ignoring Amanda. "Are you hurt?" She bawled, "Are you!?" I pulled away from her glaring. "No, it's not my blood now get away from me!" She retracted looking hurt, "Why do you act so mean whenever _she's _around!?" I was not putting up with this right now. "Just get out of here Reachel, you're gonna get hurt." Reachel started smacking at me and had to be pulled away by Leah who was pretty blunt about telling her to go home, tossing her out the front door and leading her to the car. When she got back she shrugged at Jacob's annoyed looks.

In her sleep Amanda groaned out, thrashing as she was forcibly held down and already you could see her wolf shape taking form. Good thing the others had cleared everything out. Her wolf was not as big as any of ours, in fact she might be able to pass off as a mutant sized wolf, one that just had freak genes that allowed it to be so big. But it was still unusual by the average standards.

Her eyes were a blazing gold, the right being slightly darker than the left. Her slick black nose was pointed down as she let out a low rumble, warning us away. Like Sam she was black but with splashes of rusty red and dirty blonde, mixed with hints of brown. Almost like a tortoise shell cat. I felt my lips twitch, she was a beautiful wolf and while she did lack in size she made up for agility and had a vicious snap to her jaws despite being in terrible pain.

Her wolf hobbled, leaping over me, bolting out the door. When she landed she whined, her weight baring down on her bad leg. I chased after, taking form quickly and cut her off, distracting her long enough for Sam and the others to form a tight circle around her. Preventing her from escaping. _How do we grab her without hurting her? _Jared thought mutinously. _Easy, pin her down and knock her on her head. _Leah snarled, growing tired of being snapped at. _She's too weak to stay that way, lets see if she passes out and if she doesn't we'll knock her out._ Sam instructed.

Things didn't go exactly as planned, Amanda was still limping around angrily, lashing as she kept up her guard. Sam tried to reason with her and it didn't seem like she was listening. Leah's plan had back fired and Quil had ended up knocked on his ass and was complaining about his head hurting. We tried rushing her on all sides, but she left no openings and I was growing agitated. Growling I reached out, ignoring the scissor fangs that sunk into my shoulder while I gripped the extra fur on her neck, shaking her until she let go. Jacob helped me pin her down, avoiding her head that whipped around violently.

She howled out, heaving and panting, and it went on like this for several minutes until she was calm enough to shrink down into her tiny human body, dead asleep. Emily draped a blanket over her, leading Sam to lay her in the spare bedroom. Her arm and leg would have to be re-broken and we hoped that that was all that needed to be fixed. "What do we do now?" I asked, raking my hand through my hair. "We wait." Sam grunted not in any mood to be talking.

SAMS POV

It had been nearly two and a half weeks since Amanda was attacked, and things were chaotic. Amanda was taking an unusually long time to heal and had remained unconscious while phasing at random moments. Her tent had been found all bloodied up which led to this big search to find nothing. The rest of us had to play it off and help too, but there was nothing we could do. We were not allowed to reveal anything.

It was hard to watch Amanda's parents be ripped apart by grief when the police told us Amanda was 'dead'. Her cause of death? Eaten alive by wolves. It was ironic really that that was their conclusion and I felt bitter about the whole keep-it-secret-keep-it-safe shit. I had wanted badly to explain the truth and tell them their daughter was alive but the elders had forbidden me and forced us to stay quiet. Paul was getting on my damn nerves, constantly pacing around. The asshole still hadn't made up his mind but he stayed by Amanda at all times, leaving Reachel in tears when he refused to say goodbye to her. He and Jacob were constantly fighting about it, bickering at any given chance. Eventually I got sick of hearing it and phased on them. There was too much going on right now and I didn't want more on my plate.

Today we were going to attend the funeral, it was gray out and an eerie silence passed through the cemetery as we gathered around an empty coffin. My mom had pursed her lips, throwing me angry looks. She had found out about the wolf thing when she had stopped by the house and saw Amanda's limp form in the back room. She screamed and smacked and told me I should do the right thing but the truth is, I don't even know what that right thing is anymore. Eventually the elders quieted her and she refused to talk to she had done everything in her power to aid the grief stricken family. She was over their house every day and helped wherever it was needed. Amanda's Dad didn't seem like the person to wear his emotions on his sleeve but small traces of his loss showed on his face. He carried around with him a small clay figure that Amanda had made in kindergarten.

Diana clung to her husband for support as she tossed some flowers into the hole and cried when they began covering it up. Mom had done her best to soothe the sobbing woman and helped lead her away. I knew I hadn't done the right thing, I broke up a family and destroyed my sister's future and for what? A secret that didn't need to be a secret?

AMANDA'S POV

My eyes fluttered open and I was staring at the ceiling in Sam's house. "You're awake." Glancing over I saw Paul, his face tired and sunk in. "What happened?" He shifted his weight and helped me sit up. "A lot." He grumbled "You've been out almost a month." A month? Is he being serious? "I...don't understand." Paul sighed, sitting next to me. He still smelled like fall-time and gum. "Sam should explain." A knot formed in my stomach and I knew I was not going to like what I was about to hear.


	10. Chapter 10: Changes

Okay so I'm not too sure what year the books take place since it never says, I know it most likely goes off of the 'present time' but to make it fit the story I decided to go with 2003 which was when Twilight was published. But it is taking sometime in the beginning of Eclipse. And technically her name has changed to Nizhoni, by legal standards. But she still feels like 'Amanda', so when I do the POV changes I will still write it as Amanda.

Thank you all for your reviews and feedback, it makes me happy :)

**Changes**

I was frozen, literally frozen. I was dead? My parents had buried me? They moved back to Virginia? It was all a tangled mess that was jumbled up in my head. A total of a month had gone by in my unconcious mind and it had only felt like a day. Now I stood face to face with Sam who had filled me in on it all and I wanted nothing more than to punch him in the face. But it wasn't his fault, it was mine. I shouldn't have gone out into the woods knowing what could have lurked there. But why couldn't my parents be told what had happened? To keep the Quileute secret. To keep some stupid secret.

Paul reached out to touch me and I swatted him away "Don't touch me!" I snapped. "Don't you have Reachel to fawn over?!" Storming out of the house I broke away, fuming and burning on the inside, Paul trailing after me. "Stop following me Paul." I said but less forcibly, I had no energy to spare on yelling at him since I had done most of it in the house. "No." Huffing, I continued on and ignored him not wanting company. Paul was just as stubborn as I was, probably more so and if he was dead set on following me around then so be it.

I had found myself at the cemetery after walking aimlessly for a while, staring down at my headstone. I wasn't sure what had lead me here, since I had wanted to avoid the place altogether. I had travelled towards the back of the graveyard and found myself staring down at a pristine stone still adorned with fresh flowers and an unlit candle that had burned down to a nub. Mom and Dad had made sure to put Lilys on it, my favorite flower.

Amanda Fischer

1986-2004

Forever Loved and Missed

The words were foreign to me. My whole life was gone and there was nothing I could do but hop around as a wolf and protect people I had begun to hate. It was a hard thing to embrace and I felt utterly bitter about it. Why should I care about people who didn't have a care in the world if my parents had suffered so long as their stupid secret was safe?

If I had been awake I could have stopped it, I wasn't bound to anything like everyone else was. My heart ached longingly when I thought about the change I could have brought had I not been unconcious. I swore if they ever came back I would show them that I was alive and I'd leave this place forever. For now I had to learn to control myself and keep the wolf at bay. "Did she suffer badly?" I whispered knowing Paul was close by. It took him a long time to answer and when he did my heart clenched, "She started seeing a shrink and had been crying a lot. Your Dad never left her side though." This much I knew and I felt some relief that Dad would be there for her, he was a strong person and had always held us up. I would miss him so much. I wish I had waited for him to come home from work before I had left.

I managed to drag myself away and walked around for an hour, ending up at Sam's place. Allison was outside waiting for me. Paul had filled me in on Allison finding out and I guess I shouldn't be surprised that she was waiting for me. We greeted each other awkwardly and I tried to joke to make the air around us lighter, "You're supposed to get all pale when you see a ghost." That was the worst joke...ever. But Allison laughed and patted my thigh, motioning to sit with her.

"How are you?" It was a simple question, but it held a lot of meaning. "Pissed." She nodded her head, and continued to wait for me to talk. "It's just, I had plans. I was going to go some where. And now I'm stuck here." I let all my emotions roll off my tongue, and spilled the ugly truth about how things had been the past few weeks. Keeping secrets could be one of the most damaging things you could do to yourself.

I told her about how angry I was, about the hurt I was feeling, and the sense of loss that I didn't think I could ever fix. And lastly I told her about Paul. Despite everything this had been the thing that was itching at the back of my mind the most, wanting release. Allison had remained quiet through the whole thing, listening patiently and when she was sure I was done talking she said, "Love can make you or break you." Allison was in a faraway memory as she spoke. Her face distant and clouded. "Don't let it destroy you. Like I said if he loves you he'll open his eyes and see. He will come back if he does."

Allison glanced at me then, "If he can't move on then you are not his imprint and you can wait until your mate does come." Her words made sense and while I oculd say she didn't understand, I knew that she did because she spoke from experience. "I was wondering if you would be okay with me staying with you?" I asked suddenly, "I don't want to be here. I need to be away from everyone." Allison brightened and truthfully I felt happy too. "Of course you can! Sam's room is empty, excluding the bed. Come whenever you feel like you're ready."

And just like that I set a whole new chain in motion. Sam argued that I was taking a risk, and I replied that the only risk was me staying here where I was more likely to blow up in people's face. Besides, I blatantly told him that I refused to be apart of his pack. This upset him even more, and we continued to argue all throughout the house.

"Look Sam, I just want my own space." I sighed, tossing my crap in the back of Allison's truck. It seemed like everyone owned trucks here. "Paul! Say something!" Sam threw his hands up and was glaring at Paul who was unusually quiet. "What do you want me to do? She's your sister." He replied lazily, his bad boy demeanor back on his face. "You're her mate!" Sam growled, whipping around to glare at me. "He's not my mate Sam." I replied softly, heading out the front, feeling Paul rushing behind me. "What do you mean I'm not your mate?" This cat and mouse game was getting so old. I took my time in responding and I could feel his impatience bubbling around him. Turning I looked him in his eyes "You can't decide, and you don't even know. I'm not going to sit around and just hope. I think if I was really yours you wouldn't need to make a decision."

Paul's face was dark as he gripped my arm. "I _am _your mate." He breathed out in a slow hiss that was restraining whatever emotion he was feeling. A part of me wanted to just agree and let go but I wasn't going to let that happen. Not until I was sure. "No Paul. You're not. I think I was just a rebound. But don't worry Jacob said his sister was coming back in a month." Pulling free of his grip I hopped into Allison's truck and we pulled out of the driveway.

When I was alone in my new room which still had traces of Sam I let my body flop against the squishy bed. I let all the events sum up and play through my head like a bad movie. My leg and arm were completely healed and I managed to escape with only a small scar on the side of my neck that curved down to my collar bone. I did admit that the fast healing thing was a perk I liked. With only a few yellowing bruises you couldn't really tell I had nearly been mangled to death. But my physical pain was nothing compared to the emotional pain I felt. I missed my parents and the fact that there was little chance I'd be able to see them again. I never got to say goodbye and this was something that bothered me greatly.

To the right of me was a packet with all my information. The elders had managed to pull some strings and had set up a whole new life for me. Nizhoni Rayen Uley. The name wasn't bad, I liked it and while it was kind of like a jab at the outsider name I had been given I knew apart of me felt a little closer to who I was born to be. "Nizhoni..." It definately sounded strange on my lips and I would have to get used to it. My name was easy to change, but my appearance would take some work. I figured Allison would help me with that and wondered how drastic my looks would be.

SAMS POV

As soon as Amanda had left Paul went into a ballistic frenzy, dashing for the trees as he phased. I didn't really sympathize with him, he had it coming for not making a choice. Still, I didn't like the idea of Amanda refusing what she was. It was playing with fire and she would lose control of it at some point.

Every day I sent Jacob to try and convince her otherwise but he always came back alone. When I went she would refuse to come out of the house. Leah tried dragging her back but that didn't work and Amanda phased, darting away. Eventually I gave up and started telling my mom to urge Amanda to at least get more familiar with her wolf. I worried that she would not have said anything but a few nights later when we were patrolling I saw Amanda. Her wolf was slender and always avoided us with ease. She never allowed me to access her mind and if I did I could still feel her loss burning brightly inside of her and it was too much.

Paul would constantly go after her, trying to reason with her and it never worked. "Just give her space Sam." Emily said one night. "She needs to get better before anything else." Grudgingly I left her alone and when two weeks went by without a word from her or mom I was ready to go back to nagging but she showed up looking not like herself. Everything about her appearance had experienced changes. She wore a hello-my-name-is... sticker with Nizhoni scribbled on it.

"I thought it would be kinda funny." She admitted with a shrug. Her hair had been cut short and dangled just below her jawline with the bangs sweeping across her face, creating a messy layered look. "I can't start school yet, because of the wolf thing. But when I do I'm going to go to Forks Highschool. Billy said nobody would recognize me." And it was true, I hardly recognized her at all.

Now that she didn't need the extra heat from a jacket she wore loose fitted jeans and a plain white tank top. Over it, I guess to hide her scar better, was a green plaid button up-shirt that was slightly too big for her. She no longer bared her scruffy sneakers and had acquired some hiking boots. She actually looked like she was born and raised here.

"After that I'll probably go stay in Seattle and study there at a community college or something." It was a far cry from what Amanda had wanted to be and it made me grimance but I decided not to comment on it and invited her inside.

She declined saying she was stopping by to say hi and that her and Allison/Mom were going out to eat. I was disappointed but at least she came by. As we were saying our goodbyes Paul was shoving past me and bounded off of the porch to greet her.

AMANDAS POV

I was staring up at Paul as he took me in. "Where are you going? Don't you want to come in? Emily's cooking something, it smells good." His excitment was like a kid in a candy story. The only time Paul and I had interacted was when we were changed and even then that was limited. I really didn't know how to respond to him. "Uh, no I was going home." His shoulders dropped considerably before snapping back to attention. He grabbed my hand with this childish grin, "Well, I'll walk you home then."

"Paul I really don't need to be walked home." And I really didn't need to explain why either. I mean I could change into a giant wolf, that alone would scare any sane person away. But Paul wasn't exactly a sane person and even though I was faster he was stronger by a mile. My open statement didn't seem to affect him and he started leading me away.

"What you been up to these past few days?" Avoiding you an everyone else. I thought not answering his question. He glanced back at me "You can talk you know." He was smirking and I wanted to smack it right off his face because I had no idea what the hell he was smirking for.

"That haircut makes you look like a kid." I was glaring at him now, only Paul would try to break the ice by insulting you. "Well my hair isn't any of your business and if you're going to make fun of me go home." He plucked a piece of hair into his fingers, "I didn't say it was bad looking." He was smelling it, "Stop that!" I swatted at his hand and moved away, feeling slightly creeped out.

"Why? You smell nice." Because it's wierd...I thought squinting at him. Even if you do turn into a wolf. You don't just go around sniffing people. "So Nizhoni huh?" He fingered the peeling sticker on my shirt, "Well yeah, I can't be Amanda anymore." Allison's house was coming into view as we talked and I noticed that her truck wasn't there. "I like it, because you are beautiful."

His compliment made me flush and I looked away from him to stare at some deep green moss that hung from the tree's canopies. "You shouldn't say things like that." I muttered, feeling embarassed. "Why?" We were standing at the front door facing each other and I could feel the body heat coming off of him "Because. It's just weird okay?"

Paul looked like he truly didn't understand and this made it so much harder to just slam the front door in his face. "Why is it weird that I said you're beautiful?" Sucking in a huge breath air I sighed loudly. "Because Paul, when Reachel comes back you'll be all over her. Don't get my hopes up for nothing. Just let me accept the fact that you made a mistake and let me move on with my life and have a chance at finding my own happiness."

I had been turning away from him but his hand flew out to catch mine, wrenching me into his hard chest. Paul's arms were like corded muscle that blocked out everything around me, making it impossible to not feel safe. Just this once... I thought sadly, Just this once I'll let myself live in a dream. "I don't know what I feel." He whispered, "But I know I don't want to let you go."


	11. Chapter 11: Friends?

Thank you all for the reviews! However, **THIS IS A LEMONISH CHAPTER AND IT IS NOT WITH PAUL. **NO IT IS NOT CHANGING TO A DIFFERENT CHARACTER/OC STORY. IT IS TO HELP PROGRESS THE STORY. If you do not like it, skip through to the bold/italics to the important parts.

**Temporary Happiness**

His words brought me both joy and sadness. It was nice to know that he wanted me, but also bitter to know that he wasn't sure how much of me he was willing to take. I wanted to let my face sink deeper into his chest, block out the world and just for a moment pretend that everything was okay. _You know better than that..._Mom's voice resonated throughout my head, warning me of the trouble I invited in if I let myself fall too far.

"I don't want to go, but I don't want to be an option. I want to be the one." I pulled myself away, quickly slamming the door shut behind me and sunk to the floor. Things had gotten very complicated indeed and I scolded myself for letting my gaurd down.

Two days after I had let my wall come down, Jacob comes storming over, babbling about Bella having run off to Italy or whatever to save Edward. He was fuming and I did feel sorry for him since he was a dude version of me. Fawning after a girl who clearly had the hots for someone else. " I can't believe she ran off to him after all he did!" Jacob grumbled, kicking a trashcan over while leaving a big sized dent on it. He looked furious with his brows knitted together, grinding his teeth loudly while flexing the mucles in his jaws.

Whoever this Bella girl was she could clearly get Jacob going. "Humpf! All we need is Leah and we'd be forming Team Loveless." For the first time Jacob smiled down at me sliding onto the bench. "I just don't see why she's attracted to him." He sighed, folding his hands in his lap. I shivered, remembering the vampire that had attacked me, her cold red eyes glaring down at me as she shook me in mid-air. I remembered how tight her grip had been and how much it hurt when she struck my sides and broke my arm. " And who wanted to live forever anyway? At some point life had to get boring, no matter how young or beautiful you were. Who wanted to be stuck in a time that wasn't your own and you had nobody to relate to? True vampires could have mates, but they couldn't have kids, or grandkids. And if the ones they loved most did die then they'd be completely miserable _forever_.

I frowned, in actuality anyone could be miserable forever, even if they did not have the long-termness of a vampire. I wondered idly if that would be me. I've lost my parents, the one i felt drawn to wasn't entirely drawn to me like the legends said and i felt sucked into this endless circle. "I'm sorry I haven't been around a lot." Jacob said, his brown eyes looking apologetic. I shrugged not caring too much "It's alright, I'm a wreck right now anyways. I don't even want to be around me." Jacob and I laughed, a heavy weight being lifted off of our shoulders, even if it was only temporary.

"Paul still with Reachel?" "I don't know. She's not here and that mean's I'm suddenly more appealing." Jacob was staring at me, his lips pursed tightly as he thought "He really is confused you know. He wants you, but he can't let go of Reachel." "Well something needs to give because I don't have plans dying an old maid. And at the least this could go the way I wanted. Nothing else did." Jacob made a blegh sound and shoved me away playfully. We grappled a bit in the dirt, it was nice to be able to keep up with him somewhat. As long as I managed to keep away from his iron grip I was set. This went on for several minutes before he pulled me up and we were heading down the road. After a moment or two of silence Jacob finally spoke,

"We should start dating to make them jealous." His words shocked me so much that I face planted into the mud. "Holy crap! Are you okay!?" Jake exclaimed in between laughs. When he pulled me up I knew from the look on his face that I looked ridiculous. "Gee thanks!" I spat, splattering mud onto his shirt trying to clean myself as Jacob pulled the shirt over his head, rubbing at his face while saying, "It was dirty anyway." Eww, did guys really wear their dirty shirts? "Here." He had moved close to me and was dabbing at the mud on my face and neck, clearing the globs from my hair and grinned. His smile was so infectious. _Woah now! infectious...? What the heck. Time to take a cold shower. _I could feel myself blushing , his face was noticably close to mine.

"It would be a shame if you did die an old maid." My heart thudded in my chest as Jake leaned down and brushed his lips against mine. Unlike the first kiss we had shared this was soft and asking. I hesitated, unsure if I should kiss him back. Wasn't I Paul's imprint? Or was it Reachel? Did it matter? It's not like I had anything to lose anyway. I pressed into him, standing up on my toes to reach Jake better. Jacob snaked his arms around my waist, clearly relieved. Our tongues clashed together, battling for dominance. I let my fingers cling to the back of his head, moaning softly as Jake's hands trailed up and down my sides, frantically digging underneath my shirt. We only parted because our bodies required it's oxygen fix.

"Come on." Jacob tugged me along not giving me much time to catch my breath and had led me to his house. When we got inside Jake shut his bedroom door behind us, resuming right where we left off. I felt light headed but not because we had practically run all the way here but because of how much I was enjoying being touched and kissed, I was happy to not think about Paul.

_**I wasn't sure how I had ended up on my back, laying in nothing but my panties, but I was. And I probably should have drawn the line at several articles-of-clothing-ago but I didn't and instead helped Jacob strip down to his boxers. My chest heaved and tingled at the slightest touch and I felt a small noise escape my mouth, causing Jacob to smirk against the crook of my neck. He looked at me, still smirking "Did you like that?" his hand swiped over my most sensitive spot making me stiffen. I was too embarassed to answer while he was too pleased to feel down about my lack of voice and continued on with his mouth and hands. **_

_**I let my fingers glide agaist the taut muscle, trailing until they met with the hem of his shorts. I hadn't realized that Jacob was gazing down at me, his eyes a soft brownish hue. "If we keep going, I won't be able to stop." He breathed, letting his member poke out into my thighs. "I don't want to stop." I murmur, tugging on the throbbing muscle, grinning as Jacob groaned into my breasts.**_

_**While I stroked, Jacob slipped two fingers into my slick pressure was tight and I will admit that it hurt, but hey his finger's were bigger than mine. He hummed into me, his tongue agressively meeting mine as he quickened his pace, deepening the depth of his fingers forcing me to cry out. Jacob's tongue fingered at my nipples, gripping them between his teeth and giving gentle pulls. "Jake..." I sighed, pulling him closer, letting him position himself over me.**_

_**"Nizhoni..." The fact he had used my current name had surprised me so much that it took me a moment to take in the searing pain between my legs, and the fact that Jake had latched onto the crook of my neck, clenching down tightly. My chest rose and fell as Jake rocked and I could fell the tight skin stretching around him uncomfortably. But there was pleasure in the way he moved in me and once I was able to relax I allowed him to thrust harder. My face was heavily heated and I occupied it by kissing Jake. You are really digging into a hole...I thought depite how much I enjoyed the touch I recieved. I wondered if Jake felt the same? His hands tangled into my hair, drawing my body closer to his, and I felt that I'd worry later and enjoy this temporary happiness.**_

There was a light in my eyes and as I stirred from my sleep I took in my surroundings, the night's events flooding my mind. Next to me Jacob was still asleep, snoring softly unaware of how much drama we unleashed. The area above my left shoulder was red and swollen. Dang it Jake! I thought, stroking the tender skin. Why did it have to be in a noticable spot?

The fact that Jacob shared a mental connection with the others had only just occured to me and I retched at knowing that soon everyone would know Jacob and I had done the deed. I buried my face in my hands. Everyone would see...Sam would see..._Paul would see. _The words came out in a harsh hissing voice and I found myself throwing myself backwards into the bed, waking Jake from his sleep.

"Wha-?" He peeked at me and realization crossed his face. "Are you okay?" Jake rolled on his side, letting his hand rest on my stomach, easing the flips it was doing. "Everyone is going to see what happened!" I squeaked, "Well, yeah. You did remember the connection right?" I bobbed my head, of course I did. I just forgot about it in the heat of moment.

"Oh my gosh! Sam is going to see! And-And Paul!" Jacob looked really worried and he held me tightly around my waist. "I'm sorry I should have made sure you were sure." But he had and I was not taking back the fact I had sex with him. I just wish nobody else had to see it. "No! I liked it...it's just it's private." I tucked my hair back, smiling a little at him. I hoped this didn't change our friendship. _Because everyone boinks their friends and calls it a day. _I thought angrily. "Look, I'm not taking back what we did. I just let it slip my mind about the mind thing. And now everyone is going to think I'm a desperate whore."

Jacob sat up, pulling me with him and was staring at me seriously. "You're not a whore." "But we're not dating and we did...the deed." He sighed with a tired smile. "It was your first time. It's not like you run around screaming to be screwed...you did like it though right?" "Y-Yes I liked it!" But I don't think it should happen again. The heat had risen to my cheeks and ears. "Besides, maybe Paul will chase after you. I see him and Reachel all the time." This new information certainly made me less sub-concious about doing it with Jacob but I didn't see how it would make Paul chase after me if he was boinking Reachel.

"Let me explain. You're single and not really interested in anyone other than Paul. This means as a guy he doesn't have to hurry in deciding if he really wants you. If he sees that you and I are interested in each other -and trust me when I say this- Paul would get jealous and start fighting for what he wants."

It made sense when it was carefully explained. There was no doubt that Paul would get upset about it and try to start something, but I didn't want to start unecessary drama in the pack. "Don't worry about what everyone else will think." Jacob pulled me out of the bed, not covering himself at all, and looking like everything had stayed the same.

"So lets just enjoy whatever time we have left and deal with whatever comes." I let Jacob lead me to the shower and we bathed together and some. When we got out I dressed in his loose T-shirt and slipped back into my pants. As we sat around eating breakfast Jacob looked at me, "Why aren't you in Sam's pack?" Shrugging, I downed the last of my orange juice. "Because, I wanted normalcy I guess. But I don't think that's going to happen. Why are you asking?"

"Because, it is dangerous that you're not." He admitted staring past me. "You don't phase often and it increases your chances of phasing uncontrollably. You could hurt someone. Allison is in danger the most." This made me cringe. I couldn't bare the thought of ever hurting Allison. She and Sam were the only things I had left and I could not imagine how I could live knowing I had hurt her and could have prevented it.

Allison had done a whole lot to help me pick up the pieces and transgress into a liveable lifestyle. For the first week of being a new wolf all I felt was the inability to control myself and had locked myself away in my room, and hid underneath my bed. It wasn't easy and I'm sure it wasn't easy for her either. Espcially when I had convinced her to keep her gun on her at all times, just in case. "You better shoot me as many times as you can if it happens and I come after you." I had said with all seriousness in my voice. It definately hadn't been easy for Allison.

"I suppose..." I trailed not really wanting to agree with the truth. "that I could do it...for Allison." Jacob smiled brightly "It's not so bad, I promise!" He clapped my back, grinning his childish grin. "I've been wanting to see you in action since you turned!" We laughed and joked the rest of the time we ate and eventually found ourselves walking towards Sam's place. Maybe just maybe things could remain normal.


	12. Chapter 12: Nightmare

**Wrath of Paul and Nightmares**

My stomach was in knots as we approached the little red house, everyone had gathered outside to greet us. Jacob placed his hand on the small of my back, beckoning me forward to walk in his stride. He looked so assured and confident that I couldn't help but wish me to feel that way too. Paul was pacing back and forth and even from this distance I could see him clenching his fists. No doubt he was watching where Jacob's hands were. Leah sat besides herself looking vaguely amused as if she could sense the scene about to unfold.

"Guess what Sam, little _Nizhoni _is gonna join up with us." Sam looked tense but a pleased look passed over his face. "Finally!" Quil muttered his nose twitching as we got closer. "So I'm guessing you don't like strawberries anymore?" He added, making Jacob snort loudly. "No she still likes strawberries, she was just having a taste of something else."

"I still don't even know what that means." I mumbled, skirting away from the guys and sliding over to Leah. "You're really dumb if you have no idea what is going on." Leah yawned folding her hands behind her head. "It's obvious you two did it." I shushed her, clapping a hand over her mouth, waiting to see if anyone else had heard. "Be quiet! And how do you know?"

"You smell exactly like him." Leah mused pushing my hand away, her dark eyes gleaming. "So? I spent the night at his house." "Mm-hm. So you're saying you didn't fuck?" Her crude response made my jaw drop and I knew my reaction was a dead give-away. "That's what I thought." Leah moved to her side so that her mouth was close to my ear as she spoke softly. "All I got to say is, good for you. Why shouldn't you get laid?" Her words passed over my ears as I watched Paul watch me. His eyes were black with anger But I didn't care, at least that was what I told myself. In any case I did my best to avoid Paul who aimed at getting us alone.

The day had dragged on painfully slow and I was tired. I wanted nothing more than to collapse in bed and sleep but Sam announced that today we were doing rounds as a pack. I felt the dread creeping up in me and it felt like my doom hung over me. Soon everyone would officially know about my deflowering. From across the lawn Jacob smiled to reassure me, beckoning me to him. "It'll be fine. You're worrying way too much." That's because I've never really had to share my mind with anyone.

Trailing slowly behind Sam we phased one by one. Jacob and I being the last to phase. I hated the way my bones stretched and pulled taking on a shape I wasn't entirely used to. Jacob was in front of me, blocking me out of view from Quil and Jared whose sly smirks I could feel. Poor Seth was trying to move further from the group, becoming engrossed in flowers. Paul erupted in a fury, his fur rising on his pack as he turned on us.

_She's not yours to protect Black. Move. _Paul snarled, his heavy paws padding over to us. _Apparently she's not yours either. _Jacob replied curtly not fazed by the threatening aura Paul gave. _Since you didn't want her, I decided I did. _I moved from behind Jacob, trying to coax him away from Paul who looked ready to strike any moment. _And I'll keep doing it so long as she lets me._

Paul hurled himself into Jacob, their large bodies colliding together, tangling themselves in a vicious battle of teeth and claws. I winced feeling the blows that landed on one another. _You need to stop them. _Sam thought, _They wouldn't be fighting if it weren't for you. _This might have been true but I didn't feel it was entirely my fault. Still I was involved and needed to do my part. Whatever that was.

Slinking over I attempted to find an opening but being so small was both my advantage and disadvantage. I wasn't fond on being crushed to death. _Stop it guys! It really doesn't matter. _I thought frantically, not like seeing blood. Paul turned on me, anger flashing in his eyes as he clamped down on the side of my neck, tossing me aside. _You like being a whore? _He growled lividly. _Or are you so desperate to be accepted? _Paul played off of my insecurities, wounding me in a way that hurt more than a paper cut. _You lose everything and you just need to latch onto whatever will take you? _

Howling I ducked underneath his legs, wrenching one out and taking pleasure at how he flailed to regain his composure. Paul pounced fast, his front paws pressing into my collarbone forcing a pained cry as he crushed and clawed me. Sam and Jacob ripped us apart, but not before Paul's teeth crunched against one of my paws. Scrambling away from the three larger wolves I limped over to a deserted tree to tend my wounds. All in which were minor and would heal. But for now they just hurt like hell. _Serves me right trying to fight someone three times bigger. _I thought sourly, wincing as I hobbled back towards the group that had calmed but was shaken. _Are you alright? _Sam thought coming over to sniff me. _I'm fine. _I growled pulling away from him. I didn't feel like sharing my already open feelings.

Some where in the mass of thoughts Jacob apologized. But I just wanted to move past it and pretend it never happened and followed behind everyone. Trying to keep up as best as I could with an injured paw. _Just go. _I thought to Sam, after I had fallen so far behind that I could barely see them. Even with superior sight. _I'll just slow you down. _

Falling into a pile of leaves I decided this was the best place to rest. The cool air felt nice on my fur and eased the throbbing in my cuts. It was a serious effort to breath and I'd come to realize how much blood I had lost. _I'll make it home. _I hummed to Sam whose worry fluttered over to me constantly.

_Dreams flurried all around me. Most of Mom and Dad. We were at home, and I was sitting in their bed as they read a five-year-old-me a story. Mom was laughing, stroking my hair softly, letting me turn the pages while Dad continued to read. "And he ran faster and faster!" I giggled, pointing to the confectionery man running from a mob of people waiting to gobble him all up. _

_Our moment was precious and I wanted nothing more than to keep it forever. But Mom looked up and screamed her face full of terror, pulling me in her arms as Dad blocked us, his arms stretched out wide. "Leave them alone!" He cried, just as he was slashed in half. Before us was the woman who had attacked me in the forest. Her cold hands clawing out to me. "Everything will be okay Nizhoni." Mom murmured, her hands clutching my shoulders. Nizhoni? Why would she say that? _

_"Just find him." I fell into the bed, watching as the vampire's red eyes burned into me while her hands failed to reach me. I kept falling and falling until I crashed into the forest floor._

_My tiny hands pushed me up and I began to run. Fear bubbled inside me as I screamed for help. I could hear the woman chasing me, her laugh rippling through the cold air. "Run, run, run, as fast as you can." She taunted evilly. "Leave me alone!" My five-year-old-self sobbed, tears blurring my vision as my foot caught on a root that sent me flying into the dirt. I covered my head, curling into a ball to block out the woman's laughing and taunting. _

_There was a rippling growl and a snapping noise that echoed through the forest followed by a harsh shrieking and then there was silence. "She's gone now. Don't be afraid." Peeking out from my hands I saw Paul. Around him was a glow of silvery white and his eyes were the gold color of his wolf's. He extended his hand out to me and pulled me up. Making me smell his familiar scent._

_"You found me." He said, smiling affectionately. "And now I'll protect you." He embraced me tightly, keeping me safe from whatever lurked around us. "Just open your eyes and you'll be safe."_

I jolted awake, glancing around. I was still in my wolf form and my nose itched from the leaves. My wounds had ebbed into a dull ache but was tolerable. _What a strange dream. _Shaking my head I trotted off into the trees, trying to take in all that had happened. Paul would never be so kind or loving. Paul would just be Paul.


	13. Chapter 13: Dirty Laundry

Thank you all for your reviews/favs/follows! I really do appreciate them all! And even though I don't msg you individually I take them all to heart :) We are getting at that point where Paul is starting to realize more and more on who he wants and is going to start being more persistent. Please enjoy!

**Confrontation & Dirty Laundry**

PAULS POV

After last night, and finding out about Jacob and Amanda or Nizhoni or whatever she went by. I decided to take some time to myself. It shoudln't have bothered me as much as it did, since I had done pretty much the same with Reachel. But a painful chord had struck inside me at the thought of losing her. My guts twisted at knowing she could be physically attracted to Jacob enough to have sex with him. I growled, fucking Jacob. Taking what was mine. Images of her naked body entertwined with his only made me angrier and I felt my pace pick up as I headed in a random direction though I knew where I was going.

Sam's mother's house was coming into view and though the truck was gone I could see a shadow passing by the windows. Allison worked the mornings so I knew Amanda was home. Bounding up the stairs and rapping my knuckles across the door waiting as the door was cracked open and the girl in question stared back at me.

She wore shorts and a tank top, revealing bruises from the night before. A small pang of guilt ran through me knowing I was the one who caused them. "Are you busy?" I asked gruffly looking away. "No." "Can we talk?" "No." I raised my brow, "But you said you weren't busy."

"I'm not. I just don't want to talk to you." I struck my foot out, blocking the door from being closed in my face. "Well we need to." Her face was incredulous with her brows knitted together. "I had sex with Jacob. You had sex with Reachel. Mine was a one time thing and yours...probably not." I flinched at her loose reference to her sex life and I shifted uncomfortably.

AMANDA'S POV

I really didn't understand why I was having this talk with Paul. I didn't need to explain what I did. In fact up until yesterday I hadn't known about Paul and Reachel's sex acts, even though I had my suspicions and I knew I hadn't reacted the way Paul did. Even though my murdered pillow begged to differ.

"I want to have sex with you too-!" Paull blurted while realizing this sounded pretty horrible "That's not what I meant Amanda." He added quickly. "It's just-" I put my hand up stopping him from finishing whatever he was saying.

"First of all it's Nizhoni now and you might think I'm a sappy-desperate-attention-seeking-whore but I'm not. I had sex because I wanted to and I liked-no I loved it! Don't think for one second that I'm passing myself around. I'm not a saint but I know for damn sure that you are most certainly not. You are the last person who can judge me on what I do!"

Only god knew how much I wanted to slam that door into Paul's face and just be done with him. I was sore and in need of Tylenol and a bed. But he had pushed himself into the house and towered over me. "I don't want our time to be a one time thing." He said seriously. "I miss being with you and...I'm sorry." His fingers rested on the yellow bruises just below my collar bone. I shook my head and pulled away, "No. I know that that's not true because as soon as Reachel comes back I won't matter anymore."

"That's not true." Paul reasoned, blocking my path as I tried to get away. "You always mattered-" I got angry, how could he tell me I mattered when he had been fawning over someone else? How could he say I was the one when there were others? I pointed this out to him and we went back and forth on our arguments. Eventually I pushed him out of the house and commanded him to leave. "If you'll excuse me I need to sleep! I have rounds to do tonight!"

PAUL'S POV

She was more stubborn than Sam and had not relented on hearing me out. "You told me I was your imprint and I found out otherwise!" She had spat, slamming the door in my face. Since the first day I had met her, all I did was mess up. It got harder and harder as the days wore on and I couldn't fix my mistakes as she put distance between us. When Reachel came it was an outlet. Now I realized that this was my biggest mistake and would be harder to fix. "I'm glad I'm not you." Quil chuckled, flipping a card over as we played go fish. It was a childish game but we had nothing better to do.

"Plus if it weren't for Emily, Sam would have ripped you in half already...multiple times." This was true. Emily had made it clear that Sam was not to interfere and while she could control his physical need to pummel me, it didn't stop him from day dreaming about it. Although last night had been his exception. After lashing out on his precious little sister I received a fist-to-face-welcoming. "But seriously man. Get it together." Quil who normally didn't seem to have an ounce of seriousness in him was giving me a man to man talk. "It's not fair to either girl. Choose one and let the other move on."

The day rolled on and eventually Leah and Amanda or Nizhoni -I need to get this down, she was at a point where she didn't even like being called Amanda- came strolling up to the house. Both girls ready to do their shift. Sam came out to greet them. He gave a brief nod to Leah and a sideways hug to Nizhoni.

"Around midnight Jacob and Embry will take your shift." Nizhoni sauntered past her brother, saying she wanted to say hello to Emily before she did. "Sup Quil!" She said, messing with his hair, gliding past me like I wasn't there. "I just combed my hair!" Quil whined trying to flatten his hair back in place. She smelled like vanilla and something spicy, maybe cinnamon? Her open statement of I-see-everyone-but-you hurt.

_Since you didn't want her, I decided I did. _Jacob's voice rang through my head. _And I'll keep doing it so long as she lets me. _There's no way in hell I'm letting that happen. I growled angrily in my throat. I knew I had my work cut out for me, since I was a speck of dust compared to the Sun's glory in her eyes.

AMANDA'S POV

I was absolutely exhausted. Leah and I had one run in with a rogue vampire. Who was apparently scouting for Victoria's army. According to the Cullen's anyway. He had been fast and strong, dodging all of our attacks and tossing large trees to slow us. Carlisle had shouted to us to push him over the border, easier said than done. Eventually Leah cut him off and we took turns tugging on his limbs and tore him apart, letting the Cullen's deal with disposing the body. By the time we had reached home Jacob and Embry were jittery. Their minds prying for answers. Now I was sprawled in bed, my legs tangled within my blanket and my head smashed into the floppy pillow. _Sleeeeeep! _I sighed drowsily as my lids got heavy and shut for good.

The rare sun shined through the window, heating my face. I could hear my drawers being opened and slammed shut roughly. This happened repeatedly until I was blinking myself awake and saw Paul rubbing my clothes against...his pits.

"What the hell are you doing!?" I cried, jumping up to snatch the clean shirt from him. "I just washed these!"

"I'm going to show you that you can by my one and only." Paul was such a deranged wierdo. And it would have been a romantic statement if he wasn't violating my clothes, breaking and entering, and smelling strongly of his rounds. "Isn't there another way you can do it!? Now I have to wash these all over again!" Hissing in frustration I picked up the pile of clothes and tossed them into the laundry basket, glaring.

"No. If you smell like me, people will know that you're mine." His voice was leveled and I wondered how he came up with these ideas and deemed them rational. I rubbed my temples rigorously. It was too fucking early to be bothered with this crap. "That's called _claiming. _And I'm not asking to be claimed. I'm asking to be _loved _and _respected_!" I pushed him towards the window, prodding his chest with my finger "If you can't define the two separately than you can get lost!"

Out the window Paul went, crashing into the prickly bushes below. So much for sleeping in today. With a heavy heart I picked up the basket and headed for the laundry room, ignoring Allison's amused grin that she was trying to hide. "There's breakfast and coffee." She snickered. "Be right there." I grumbled, she would have laughed at me. After all I did look a hot mess and had stumbled out of the room looking all sorts of disturbed.

What a morning. I thought glumly staring into space, mindlessly loading the washer. Somehow I felt Paul would get more annoying, the question was how long would it last?


	14. Chapter 14: Choosing Sides

**Who's Side are You On?**

Since I was part of Sam's pack now I was pretty much at his house all the time. Poor Emily having to put up with all the ravenous pigs -myself included- though she didn't look like she minded. The real problem was how could she afford to pay for all the food that was consumed at an inhuman rate.

"It's so nice you're here." Emily chimed, placing the dirty plates on the counter that I had volunteered to clean. "Sam is much happier with you around. He clucked about like a worried chicken when you ran off." I glanced over at my brother who was debating football with the others. Smiling, I couldn't help but acknowledge how lucky I was to be his sister. "He worries too much." I grunted, passing the plate off to Seth who dried them. "I can take care of myself." Emily gave a soft smile and let her hand rest on my shoulder. "When that vampire attacked you he listened to no reason. You are the only person he was willing to reveal the truth for. He knew it would hurt you to hurt your parents."

To be honest I hadn't thought much about them, and this thought came in a guilt wrapped package. I wondered if they were healing and getting along fine without me. I missed them but I was in a position where I wasn't sure if I'd ever be able to return to them. And even if I could how realistic was that goal? Who knows how long I'd have been 'dead' before I showed up at their door. "He's still a worry wart. But...I'm glad I have him and Allison. I'm not alone and I have him to thank for that."

Once the festivities were done, Sam had brought us all together to speak about the upcoming attack from the newborn army. The Cullens had proposed we joined together and tackle the feat as one. It was logical and maybe Seth and I were the only ones who didn't seem to have a problem with it. We knew that Bella was the reason the woman was coming and in my own personal opinion I felt this could easily be solved but the fact was that the newborns were erratic and prone to uncontrollable hostility. They were far more likely to attack anyone than just any random vampire. This left Sam with little choice but to accept the offer and we were all due to do an 'orientation' to learn how to fight these newborns.

To my right was Paul, who had inched his way closer to me, our arms brushing against each other. I had wanted to pull away but his warmth helped battle my cold intolerance.  
"So it's settled then?" Jared asked, "We will fight with them?" "Isn't that what he said?" Paul huffed, pushing Jared over into the dirt with his toes. He then looked over at me and we stared for a long moment. I couldn't read his face, a cross between readiness and defensiveness.

"I want you to stay behind...when we fight." I looked at him stupidly. "What? Why?"

"Because. You are the least experienced here. And you've been injured the most out of everyone." This was the stupidest reason I ever heard. And I felt my fists ball up. "Those were on completely different terms! And you did some of the damage!" He got up, brushing his shorts off. "You are not entirely in control of yourself. What if you get angry and turn on one of your own?" He tried to reason with me but I couldn't help but feel like he was jabbing at my lack of skills. I looked to Sam who had a thoughtful look on his face.

"I'm just afraid you'll make a dumb decision and get yourself hurt or worse...killed. It's going to be a big fight. You can't deny that much." I whirled on my brother, pointing accusingly at Paul. "Tell him I'm just as good as anyone else! Tell him I can fight too!" Sam was reproachful and stood rubbing the back of his head. "I think he might be right on this one Nizhoni." I felt betrayed to some extent. "It's too risky." I wasn't sure why I cared all that much when not so long ago I could have cared less if all the people in this town met their demise. I felt childish arguing with the two unlikely duo, trying to get what I was told not to have. I rounded on Jake, "Please tell me you have some sense in you!"

"I'm sorry but-" Growling and shouting in frustration I stormed away, -proving Paul's point more- when I phased and dashed off into the forest.

PAUL'S POV

"You started it, you finish it." Sam pointed his finger in his sister's direction. I didn't want to push Nizhoni in staying behind. But I had really felt it was best not because I doubted her skill. Because in the recesses of Leah's mind I had seen how determined she had been to take that leech down. How hard she had fought and the willingness she expressed in taking him was enough to show she was good. But the images of her mangled body still flashed clearly in my head and I didn't want that to happen, it wouldn't be as easy but it was still possible. The fact that she wasn't in total control of her phasing was another factor, while I could care less if she killed any of the Cullens it was not something we could afford right now.

Now as I trotted through the forest I could hear her angry curses and how she imagined biting me into tiny bite sized pieces. My ears flattened as I neared her, her dark claws taking the full force of her anger as she hacked away at it. _Go away! _Her mind sneered.

_I didn't want to hurt your feelings. But you need more training before you go into a fight like that. _Nizhoni scoffed disbelievingly, pacing impatiently, the fur on her back raising. _Then think of it as a lesson! _I moved towards her cautiously. _It's not a lesson if you get killed or kill the wrong person. _

She snapped her jaws and shook her head snarling. _I'm not a little kid I can fight for myself! I'm not that much younger than the rest of you! _I sighed, she really was a stubborn brat. So I felt like we could come to an agreement. Her ears perked just slightly. _If you can pin me down and hold me for ten seconds I'll ask Sam to reconsider. _

_That's hardly fair! _I could feel my jowls pulling back, revealing a pointy-toothed smirk. _But not impossible. If you can't do that then you're not fit to fight._ No sooner had I finished my proposal had Nizhoni hurled herself at me. Her jaws wrapped tightly underneath my neck. The force at which she flung herself at sent me stumbling to the ground. Her small body was just barely long enough to stretch out and pin me down. Her count down started,

_10, 9, 8-_

Tossing her aside a raspy chuckle escaped me. _It's not going to be easy. _Lunging forward I chased her through the woods, letting her know that if I caught her and pinned her she would accept defeat and leave the topic of fighting alone. She did not respond but I felt her silent acknowledgement. This was going to be a fun game of cat and mouse. One in which I would win. _Don't count me out yet. We only just started. _Her voice echoed through the forest and a ripple of wildness enveloped us as we continued our game.


	15. Chapter 15: Glory

Thank you all for your reviews/favorites! I honestly didn't think I'd get this far! And yes I realize Paul is an ass and I'm sort of disliking him myself lol. But I felt that he was kind of an ass in the movies/books so I tried to add it into my own story. Anyway here's chapter 15 hope you all like it. Again thank you so much for reading and reviewing! Also I got my glasses (yay!) so hopefully spelling will be better (It still doesn't help much with the red though)

**The Chase for Glory**

PAULS POV

I was growing frustrated, every time I seemed to get a hold on Nizhoni, she always managed to slide from underneath me and darted away, sending jabs at my inability to hold her. Because she was small, she could squeeze through spaces that I couldn't and forced me to have to take the long way around. When I realized that she had just been stringing me along and forcing me to expend large amounts of energy I howled out in anger. It was a dirty trick. I could feel her amusement and it only made me angrier.

_Nobody plays exactly the same... _Nizhoni taunted darkly. She led me further into the forest, going up hill and zig-zagging through trees. If only I could grab her this whole thing would be over. _Stay still! _I barked leaping in front of her only to crash into the leaves and be left in the dust. _Only if you catch me! _Growling I forced myself to pound after her, snapping at her ankles in an attempt to trip her up.

AMANDA'S POV

This was fun, leading him along with minimal effort. Of course Paul hadn't realized before that I could go faster and when he did he gave a garbled flow of curses. His heavy body pounded behind me, trying to gain in on me and failing. I was coming up at the top of the hill and yelped when I realized it had been a small cliff and tumbled down the side of it.

We landed together, our bodies a tangled mess and Paul took the opportunity to pounce. He used all his force in keeping me pinned. He began to count,

_10, 9, 8..._

Grunting I tried to lift my body, straining underneath all of Paul's muscle and strength. I refused to go down, I knew that I could do it and I would not be forced down.

6, 5, 4...

Howling I ripped myself out, wrenching my limbs and stumbled away, heaving harshly as I put as much distance between us as possible. Paul was glaring, his chest rumbling in agitation and had already started advancing. His shoulders lurched forward as he walked, his paws crushing the earth underneath him. Bounding down the smaller slopes and hopping over fallen trees I broke through a clearing and saw my old tent across the water. It's neon yellow fabric torn and ripped. I could still smell my blood that lingered on the inside. As I inched closer I could see the caution tape strung about all over the place, heading east in the direction I had run in when I had failed to find my flare gun.

I was about a foot from the fallen tent, vaguely aware that Paul was behind me. But the scene had unfolded in front of me, it really had looked liked I had died a horrible death. It looked like I had been dragged from my tent and hauled off into the woods. Which kind of happened, the biggest difference was that I had lived. In front of the tent was a wad of flowers, burnt out candles, and cards from various people. In the front was my old bear, that I had had since I was three. I imagined mom putting it there, hunched over and squeezing it tightly as if it would bring me back.

A sadness rose inside of me as I thought of my parents looking so helpless and lost. _They're strong people Nizhoni. They have each other to get through it. _Paul was beside me, the moon casting shadows over his wolfish face. _It's better if they left anyway. With all the leeches that will be swarming the area, it won't be safe for anybody. _

This bought some comfort to me, knowing they were safe on the other side of the U.S. But still, there was all of my friends who would be in the front facing the danger head on. That's why I had to fight too, every hand counted, including mine. _Stay behind with Allison, Emily, and Billy. Protect them. _I snorted, closing my open emotions then, _That's like telling a child to sit down because that's how they'll be most helpful! _

Paul was grinning from ear to ear which looked strange on a his wolf face. _Well then, I was going to be nice about it but you lost a while back. _I looked down and saw that he had been sitting on my tail. I growled, jumping away from him. _Cheat! _I screeched, _Cheat! Cheat! Cheat! You cheated! _He was chuckling and shrugged,

_Nobody plays exactly the same... _

I was ready to pounce on him when Sam's voice resonated through us. _You lost fair and square. Now get back to us. We have rounds to do. _Feeling an immense anger inside me I fled through the trees, cursing a sailor's curse. Paul didn't even try to hide his smugness and followed in suit.

A FEW DAYS LATER

I grumbled angrily, trailing behind the others as we made our way to the meeting point. Sam still insisted that I go even though I wasn't allowed to fight. And to think I could have slept in. No matter how hard I tried to reason with Sam he would not hear me out. And I begged Paul to do a do over but he refused. I even got desperate and dragged Emily into the whole matter which only earned another person against me.

Now I had no choice but to suck it up and do what my 'alpha' told me to. As we came into the clearing I could see the Cullens and who I assumed to be Bella. While I had seen vague glimpses of her in my head I had never seen her in person. She seemed just as surprised to see me. Perhaps she hadn't been filled in on my existence by her boyfriend. "One of you is not fighting?" The mind-reader asked. _She is not ready to fight. _Sam drawled not liking Edward prodding about me. I rolled my eyes feeling slightly annoyed and decided to busy myself with seeing how much grass I could pull up using my teeth. "You should be paying attention." Edward went on, "Even if you are not fighting it is important that you know how to deal with the newborns."

Grunting I shifted around until my backside was facing the whole group and plopped down. I refused to be lectured by a vampire, mom taught me to respect my elders but his vampirism didn't count in my opinion. _You're acting like a kid. _Leah scolded, _And? Apparently I am one! S_he shook her head and stepped over me to get a better view. _You really should listen..._

I looked like I wasn't listening. But I was, peering through my pack's mind and listening to the instruction Jasper gave I got an idea and feel on what we were supposed to do. Despite being told I had to listen, once everyone was paired off I was left to sit on the sidelines to mope. All the excitement I knew everyone would be getting was making me bitter and the longer the session dragged on the less and less I paid attention.

Eventually I was so tuned out that I was taking in the surroundings that protected us from the naked eye. It was amazing really, how well I could see and hear and how much I could take in all at once. The trees, birds, bugs, and all the other forest inhabitants coexisted peacefully, I wondered why vampires and wolves couldn't. _Because the Cullens are a special breed of vampires. _I thought mildly, my ear twitching to the left as the bushes from fifty feet were moved. Jerking my head I scanned the area, glimpsing a brief flash of wild raven hair and a speck of glossy skin. Jumping up I bounded down the path, breathing in a leech's unfamiliar scent who was vaguely cloaked in the blood of some human that was most likely dead.

_Nizhoni! Don't! _Sam called frantically trying to head after me. Why did he insist on babying me? I could fight for myself. He just couldn't see it. The vampire came into view, it was a woman with sneering blood red eyes and a mean snarl. "Go home puppy!" She laughed, twisting away from my fangs while sending her fist into the side of my face. Her blow sent my hurtling off to the side, going over a small slope that ended up being to my advantage when I flipped over to my feet in mid-air. It had sent me back a few paces but the rest of the way was down hill, and with my body mass being much bigger it gave me a lot of momentum.

SAM'S POV

_Nizhoni! Don't! _I called, but she pulled further away from me, picking up speed as she went. She never missed a beat and continued on, using the area around her to aid her. She was smart and always one step ahead. Still, I didn't want her fighting yet, not yet. She called it 'mothering' and I called it watching her back. Two entirely different things. I set to go after her but Paul stopped me, _She can do it. Just watch. _I growled in frustration and tossed my head at him, _How would you know? _

Paul was staring into the trees, _Because...I just know. _But he was battling his own need to go after her and we listened as the crashing and snarling got louder. "They're circling around." The Alice girl said. We cleared a way, knowing the direction they'd be coming from. Within seconds, the raven haired leech and Nizhoni came bursting out. Nizhoni let out an angry howl, leaping into the air, landing on the leech's back, crushing at the back of her neck. In a blurry movement, pale hands flew out and was tossing Nizhoni in front of her, glaring and cursing. Nizhoni was fast, one of the fastest of us all, rivaling Leah. She was on her feet in an instant, lashing viciously and getting her body leveled with the leech who desperately clawed, griping at fur and skin.

Nizhoni struck down at the vampire's face, throwing all her weight down, pulling as she did. There was a sickening crunch and the vampire screamed, flailing helplessly as she dropped, her face ripped away from her. Nizhoni worked the limbs next, pulling them off with ease, tore at the insides, tossing intestines and chunks of lungs over her shoulder. When she was done her gold eyes met mine. _I'm not a little kid, and I can take care of myself. _She was glaring at me, _And I don't need to be sheltered from what I am. _

_I know that. But you're not ready. _She refused to see reason and scoffed. And I was growing just as agitated. _I'm not asking you anymore. You will NOT go and that is my final decision! _Nizhoni howled angrily and snapped at my ankles, forcing me to snap back. But she never backed down and was prepared to fight me.

_Looks like you're not the only one with alpha balls. _Leah said, while she and the others watched on. With a huff Nizhoni turned and left. Her tail swishing behind her.


	16. Chapter 16: Bonding

Chapter 16! This chapter is going to be taking place 2-3 weeks **BEFORE **the Eclipse battle. And I'm pretty sure this didn't happen in the movies/books but that's what I am doing here. Over this period of time Paul and Nizhoni are going to be doing some bonding :) Also **I let Nizhoni show some Alpha traits because she and Sam share the same genes and I felt that it would make sense. However I don't intend on her taking the role of an alpha, her loyalty is still with Sam. Also these chapters would have been out a little while ago had they not been deleted! . **Thank you all for your reviews/favs they mean a whole lot to me! Please enjoy!

**Bonding**

It was the day after the newborn 101 and I was content on moping around the house until Paul showed up to check on me. Which he didn't need to do, and I had no interest in going out but he had bribed me with lunch and ice cream. An ass he might be but since this whole wolf thing I was hungry all the time and I wasn't going to pass up free food. I could go to Sam's...but I was still mad. I couldn't wait for him to have kids because I was going to spoil them beyond belief and he'd wish he had just let me fight.

Like everything else in La Push the cafe was in walking distance, and since we didn't have a car we were stuck walking anyway. It was weird being with Paul. A part of me just wanted to slink closer to him, and feel his heat melt my coldness. But my coldness was frigid and built a solid wall between us, still hurt over the whole Reachel thing.

"So...alpha huh?" Paul peeked down at me in curiosity as I shrugged. "I guess so. It just happened. But I'll leave that responsibility to Sam. He's got his head on right, I'm still trying to figure everything out." Paul nodded and stared ahead, his dark eyes taking in the road as the small cafe came into view. I loved their burgers, it was to die for. And their desserts never disappointing.

As we pushed back the door to the cafe we were greeted by the smell of coffee and the sight of a display case filled to the brim with yummy treats. How I wished I could afford all of it. Taking our seats, the waitress promptly gave us our drinks and took our order, notably keeping her back to me. Only noticing me when it was my turn to tell her what I wanted. "I will back with your order. Let me know if you need anything." 'Becky' cooed in a disgustingly sweet voice in which Paul took no care in. Letting her hair twirl as she left, the waitress swayed her hips far more than necessary, looking as if she had something wrong with her.

"After all this is done, what do you plan on doing?" Paul's question stumped me a bit. I had planned to go to college in Seattle but my emotions still controlled me a lot and the possibility of a random phase was a constant risk. I don't think I could even go to school yet. "If everything works out. School, job, normal life." I hummed, taking a swig of coke. "What about a family?" Well, that's part of a normal life. There was just one thing.

My periods were having a dry spell. At first I feared that Jacob and I might have to be a little more closer than we'd have liked, but I took a test which was negative. I had decided to do some more and still nothing. Allison took me to a clinic and still nothing. That's when Leah explained that the same had happened to her and because of our wolves we may not be able to bare children.

The idea saddened me a little because I did want kids of my own some day. "Maybe get married, but the kids thing isn't exactly possible." When I explained what Leah had told me Paul was frowning. "You can adopt...like your mom did." "Adopting costs an arm and a leg. Besides our phasing is a secret to outsiders. I wouldn't be able to keep that away from them."

It's funny, Paul didn't seem like a family orientated guy. "Emily and Sam will have kids, and that will be good enough." The whole barren topic put me in a bad mood and I let the subject drop. Paul hovered his hand over mine, letting it rest as he spoke "Having a family doesn't mean you have to have kids. Plenty of families don't have kids and are happy with it."

"Okay what do you want?" I asked bluntly, feeling like he was trying to get to something. "What?" I pointed at him with my finger, "You're being all non-douche-baggy. So what do you want?" Paul looked utterly confused and had raised his hands in defense. "I don't want anything. I'm just saying." Yeah right and guys buy drinks for girls at a club out of generosity.

"I'm serious!" Paul exclaimed at my blank stare, "You don't have to be down because you can't have kids. There's nothing wrong with not having any." I smiled at him, kind of surprised that he was trying to cheer me up. "It's fine. If it wasn't meant to be then oh well."

Becky had come by, shoving her big butt into my face while placing Paul's meal in front of him and carelessly plopping mine onto the table. "Enjoy your meal!" She chimed, dancing away. "She's wearing too much perfume." Paul gagged, swiping at his face. And it was true. Perfume was like a kryptonite to us, especially when added in large quantities. I had figured this out when Allison and I had gone to the mall and had went through the beauty section, thankfully I had escaped without projectile vomiting all over the floor.

As we ate I discovered that Paul and I had a lot in common -freaky I know- concerning music, hobbies, and foods. We both had ordered burgers with lots of bacon. Mine had avocado and his mustard. We scarfed our food down in seconds and ordered deserts, and an appetizer because that's how we rolled. By the time we were done eating, Becky looked pretty horrified and didn't bother shaking her ass in my face this time.

"That was great! I'm stuffed!" Paul burped loudly, patting his stomach. "I wonder what Emily's cooking..." I loved food but I wasn't a glutton. "You're going to get fat if you keep eating the way you do." I said, eyeing his bulging stomach. I wondered just how much food Paul could eat. I then felt sorry for Reachel, she'd be a broke fool trying to feed him. Oh well, not my problem. "Me? Fat? Yeah right. That was me just getting started."

Ugh, that is excessive! Normal people would blanch at the thought of anymore food. But Paul wasn't normal. We were taking our time getting back to Allison's house, talking random garble and I was actually glad that he was here. Spending so much time alone, was making me stir crazy. If it weren't for the fact that Reachel was a constant annoying factor we could make a perfect fit. But as always she was in the way.

"I don't have to do rounds tonight. Do you want to watch a movie?" What was I doing? Don't ask him to watch movies with you! Paul brightened up, "Yeah! That'd be awesome!" Fuuuuccck! I wanted to smash my face into a nearby tree. "What do you want watch?" I asked, continuing my delusional happiness.

"Whatever you want. I don't watch TV much." His physic was proof to his statement. All muscle and no flab, while I had become more toned I had not really changed much. Which was cool, I didn't want to be one of those women with rock hard bodies and a deep-throated voice.

Allison had left a note on the table, saying she would be home late and to not wait up. With that said I popped in choice of dvd here and cooked some popcorn. The entire time we debated the movie, argued for our favorite characters, and -I did anyway- cried when our favorite character died. That always happened to me, my most loved character always died and I was left feeling awful, it was an omen for that person if I said I liked them the most. By the time the movie was over it was getting late and I was exhausted like no other.

"I'll put you in bed and then I'll head over to Sam's." Paul stretched, pulling me off of the couch and leading me down the short hall and into my cramped room. The room was neat and decorated to my taste, my parents having left some of my things behind. Most of my stuff had been given or bought by Allison. She had taken to 'spoiling' me. Saying that she was making up for lost time which I didn't feel was necessary.

Hopping into bed my eyes felt heavy and sore. I didn't sleep much the night before since Sam had told me to do rounds. I told him to stuff it and had ended up doing overtime. "Tomorrow there's a bonfire. Do you want to go?" Paul asked sitting on the edge of my bed, pushing my hair out of my face. The last few ones i had skipped out because I had still been grieving my death, but there was no reason to not go now. "Yeah I guess." I mumbled, feeling foggy from the sleep. "Did you want to sleep over? Allison won't mind." Just stop talking...I thought angrily as I watched Paul go stiff. "You want me to stay over?" I nodded, "Yeah, then we can go to Sam's in the morning." He was quiet for long moment, thinking it over in his head before he finally agreed. "Scoot over." Paul nudged me into the far side of the wall, pushing the sheets back briefly before sliding underneath, tucking the quilt around us. "Night Paul." "Night Nizhoni."

2 WKS LATER

After the bonfire Paul and I had been spending most of our time together. We were almost inseparable, except when I went to shower. Then Sam would force Paul to help Emily do the dishes or clean something that didn't need to be cleaned. We spent a lot of time to ourselves and if the mood was right we'd hold hands. Mostly when he'd walk me home. He said 'I don't want some creep creeping up on you and you murdering him.' We still argued occasionally but it was never as bad as before and was over stupid things like, lasagna was better than spaghetti, or why purple was better than red. Stupid things that didn't matter much to either of us in the end.

I really had come to like his company, and had shoved that dark feeling aside, wanting this to work. While I wouldn't say we were going steady, I would say that we were much closer to it than being enemies. Sam seemed to benefit from it as well as I was over more often other than when I was needed to do rounds.

"Do you have a five?" I chortled, taking pleasure in Paul's annoyed expression, "Go fish." Paul huffed and picked up a card, "Do you have a queen?" With an angry glare he tossed me his queen and muttered about how much he hated this game. "Well it looks like you lost. With only one pair and me having just about the entire deck. Do you want to do something else?" "Yeah." He grumbled, tossing his hand down and standing up. "Cheer up Paul, I'm the master at Go Fish." Not really, just unusually lucky this game.

"Come get it guys!" Emily called, motioning towards the kitchen, moving as we all filed in to stuff our faces. It sure was nice to eat as much as I wanted, and not have to worry about getting fat. The rolls were deliciously warm and the mashed potatoes were awesome. Paul seated himself next to me, throwing his legs over mine, shoving two rolls into his mouth.

"That's nasty!" I laughed, shoving his arm playfully. Things were looking up for us...

SAM & EMILYS POV

We were staring at the assumed couple from the kitchen. Nizhoni's face was bright and illuminated with a kind of happiness that we'd never seen before. "She's happy Sam, why are you so worried?" Emily asked softly, careful not to draw attention. "Because, what if she gets hurt?" Emily gazed over, her lips pursed. "We can only hope that she doesn't. It's her path and she has to walk it alone to fully understand." It made sense to let Paul and Nizhoni figure everything out, give them their space and hope for the best. Still, I've felt the void that my sister sometimes felt, the memory of her parents that she just buried inside of her and forced at bay so she wasn't overwhelmed, and the wanting of a family she had hoped for. This new status with Paul brought light to her, and was healing all that was broken, and I couldn't bare to see it all ripped away from her.

"She is a strong girl Sam, she has bested all that's been thrown at her and has managed to survive against the odds, have faith in her." Emily smiled, placing her hand on my face. Emily and I were lucky to have been so sure, I only wished it could have been the Sam for Nizhoni. It was almost unfortunate that Jacob hadn't imprinted on her. It would have been better. A lot better...


	17. Chapter 17: Couples

Okay chapter 17 is here! Again this stuff got deleted! So sorry it's taken me a while to update! Also there will be **LEMONISH SCENE AND IF YOU DON'T WANT TO READ IT SKIP PAST THE BOLD-ITALICS ** Thank you guys so much for reading/reviewing/and favs! They mean a whole lot to me! And I'm happy to keep writing for you all!

**Couples**

AMANDAS POV

We were trotting through the forest. Paul and I had been paired for the first round of patrol. Things were getting intense since that Victoria-woman had shown up once or twice to try and thwart us. Luckily no damage was done and while the harlot had gotten away, nobody was hurt. _I was thinking after all this, I can finish school, get a decent job and we can have a family together..._My ears flickered and I was staring at Paul from a distance, his eyes expectant. _I can't have kids Paul. _Lately the topic was a sore one for me and I did my best to ignore it. I could feel him smiling at me, how strange things had changed over the short span of time. _So What? Sam and Emily will be doing their part in keeping the wolf blood alive. And I guess when Quil's squirt gets older they could..._

_Ew Paul. He's a lot older than her. She's two! _Paul shrugged, _And? Will it be a problem when she's eighteen or nineteen? Quil will practically look the same. It's the same as Bella and what's-his-face. _I quirked my brow at him. _You mean Edward? _Paul nodded knowingly. _Yeah that guy. He's like her grandpa three times over. He's just not old and wrinkly...or related to her. _

Paul had made his way over to me, brushing his massive wolf head against mine. _Look all I'm saying is there's plenty of others to carry on the bloodline, it's not necessary for you to, so you shouldn't let it get to you. _I sighed tiredly, feeling it seep into my bones. _I could care less if my kids carried on the wolf gene. It's just that I wanted them for myself and it's really unlikely. _Paul sniffed, _It's not a big deal. It doesn't reduce who you are. _In Paul's head he showed me how he viewed me.

A strong, independent, person with a strong back bone and high will power to achieve all that I wanted. He viewed me as sexy fun, and superior to those around me. I snorted, _Why am I wearing a bikini? I don't even wear those. _Paul was grinning, _We could move some where warmer where you could. _

I blanched, fat chance that would happen. Still his gesture was nice, most wouldn't think so but Paul was Paul. He wasn't going to stop being him overnight. His way of showing his feelings were different from others but I wouldn't change it for anything. Jared and Seth came into the clearing, Jared playing my bikini clothed self in his head, earning unwanted attention from Paul who was pummeling him into the dirt. Seth sat next to me awkwardly, _I covered my eyes...you know what I mean. _He was blushing and I felt sorry he had to listen to all the older guys crude jokes. _It's okay, _I laughed. _It can't be helped. Come on Paul, our shift is over. _Paul bounded behind me, brushing against me and started leading the way. _Later dorks. _He grunted hopping down the hill and off to Sam's house.

We were in Paul's room, me sprawled out comfortably on the bed after a hot shower. Paul was rubbing his hair with the towel, almost drying it completely. I kind of envied that speed that he could get his hair dry. I was actually debating cutting my hair shorter but I didn't need to be mistaken as a boy along with being a kid. So I guess I'd have to wait for my hair to finish drying.

"This week is gonna be the battle..." Paul mused, staring at me through the mirror. I rolled my eyes, "Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm to go to Allison's house, and stay there with Sue, Billy, Emily and Allison." Paul was sliding into bed next to me, slinging his arm around me so that my head rested on his chest. "There will be plenty of leeches to kill. Don't be mad." I frowned, "I'm not mad." Paul wasted no time in pointing out that I was in fact mad. "It's just not fair, Seth gets to go!" I whined, my childish attitude creeping up on me. "I just don't want you to get hurt," He had placed his long fingers on my chin, making me look up at him. "You mean a lot to me Nizhoni. I-I love you." His words stunned me and I wasn't sure what to say, but I didn't have to say anything when Pal planted his lips on mine asking for a deeper kiss.

_**My heart thudded in my chest and I racked my brain on what to do. Paul's arms were crushing me, begging for a response. It's all or nothing. I thought, pressing myself into him, deepening the kiss. Our tongues clashed together, but not hungrily like with Jacob. It was more soft and loving, not something I expected from Paul. It gave me butterflies in my stomach and my head was light and fuzzy. When we parted I was gasping for air, my face heated enough to fry an egg. Paul was leaning over me, his eyes a soft chocolatey brown. You would think that having sex a first time would take away from a second time, but maybe that was because it wasn't the same person? Or was it just because it was Paul? No matter what he may have seen from Jacob or even myself Paul has never seen me in person and it made me self-conscious.**_

_**His hands had found his way to my waist and was pushing back the shirt to reveal my navel. Blushing I tried to shoo him away, making him smile down at me. "I like the way you look Nizhoni. You're more sexy than any girl I've ever seen." I felt hot all over, letting my shirt slip over my head and onto the floor. Paul's left hand remained on my chest, rubbing the taut skin underneath his fingers. A soft sigh escaped my mouth and I let the goosebumps ripple through me.**_

_**Our mouths were all over each other, touching every spot on the other's body, caressing in ways that made us feel unimaginable pleasure. Paul's member was stiff against my thigh, with only the thin fabric to keep our skin from touching. My hands roamed all over Paul, memorizing the way his breath sucked in when I stroked him. My embarrassment melted away and I could feel my boldness take over. Moving around, I had pushed Paul back, straddling his hip as I pushed the fabric of his boxers away. Having shed my panties a while back there was no need. My mouth pulled into a thin smirk, positioning myself over him, pressing. Paul groaned, letting his hands grasp my hips to steady me as I took in his member. I liked the way his eyes widened and he stifled a moan -we were at Sams-. His strong arms lifted me, quickly bringing my hips down, and I felt my insides get stretched in a pleasurable way. "Paul!" I gasped, holding onto his shoulders, sinking my nails into them, slightly breaking skin.**_

_**He took this as encouragement and was thrusting harder, the bed squeaking against the wood floors. I really hoped Sam and Emily were heavy sleepers. At least the bathroom separated the rooms.**_

I was laying on my side, a thin sheet of sweat soiling my clean feeling from my shower. Paul's face was resting in the crook of my neck, his arms lazily thrown over my body while our legs intertwined each other. His breathing was slow and heavy but I knew he was awake. "Do you think anyone heard us?" Paul snickered against my skin "Who cares? I hear them all the time." I blushed, but you're not related to either of them. I thought mildly. "I guess not." I mumbled, a slight grin playing across my face. _He said he loved me. _I'm pretty sure I fell asleep smiling.

My questions on whether Sam or Emily heard was instantly answered. Emily had this sly look on her face and Sam was very interested in his eggs. "Did you two sleep well?" He croaked, swallowing his food like it was made of rubber or something. "Yep!" Paul chimed, throwing his arm around my shoulders. "We slept grrreaat!" Imitating Tony the Tiger was not cool and I did my best to ignore that. "Why you-" Emily stalked over, pilling more food onto the plates -Seriously? Where did she get it all?-. Her eyes were dangerously slanted and I'm pretty sure they were sharp enough to fatally wound someone.

"Lets go outside!" I exclaimed nervously, dodging past an angry Sam and pulling Paul away. We were walking in silence partially because Paul was relaxed and I was not. After doing what we did while in a kind-of-relationship. "Sooooo?" I felt my face heating and I was ready to rip it off because I was sick of blushing. "So?" Paul was glancing at me from the corner of his eye. Looking as if I was the only one missing something, "What does last night make us?" I dropped my sentence off at 'us', sounding weird and strange on my tongue. I was used to Paul and Nizhoni, Paul or Nizhoni, but never us. It was something to get used to.

"I said I loved you didn't I?" He said sounding all macho, and looking his usual stoic self. "Yeah." "Then it makes us a couple." Paul was smirking down at me, curse my shortness. I didn't want to ask about Reachel, I wanted this moment to be mine.  
I'd deal with her later. I wondered if Jacob minded being a single child? Even if he didn't I'm pretty sure Billy would mind becoming one kid short.

Feeling brave I snaked my hand into Paul's, lacing our fingers together, smiling as he wrapped them tightly around mine. I wanted this to last forever. I've never felt so happy before and I hoped he felt the same.


	18. Chapter 18: BBB

Chapter 18! Thank you all for your reviews/favs/and follows! They mean a whole lot to me! Also I don't actually know what happened to Jake's mom, but I'm going to say she died in a car crash. **Also a speacial thank you to MakaylaLahote for your advice on Nizhoni saving Jacob and her new-found relationship with the Cullens! Your advice is extremely helpful and greatly appreciated! **

**Battles, Betrals and Babies.**

Billy was sitting by the window, his face grave and ghostly. His chair had been wheeled off to the side, almost concealing him behind the curtains. The same went for Sue Clearwater and Emily, though Emily had occupied herself in the kitchen with Allison, trying to keep themselves busy. The battle would start any minute now and I could feel an ache in my bones to charge outside and go to my pack's aid. But Sam had made it clear that he had not wanted me there.

It was unbarable to be outside, the newborn stench was strong and was like thick, city smog. I didn't want to think about how much danger everyone was in. Not to mention Emily had announced not that long ago that she and Sam were expecting. Couldn't they have waited? So that we didn't have to have another possible fatherless Uley, even if it was for a different reason? I didn't want to think of Emily dealing with that alone.

Huffing impatiently I paced around the house, my boots thudding loudly against the wood floor. "Sit down Niz." Allison said behind her coffee cup, "You are making us nervous." But I couldn't sit down, technically I was on gaurd duty. So instead, I trudged outside and paced around out there, crushing the moist grass beneath me.

My adrenaline was pumping and my wolf clawed for freedom. "Sam was wrong to send you away." I turned, jumping a little, for a guy in a wheel chair Billy knew how to be quiet. "That's what I told him." I grunted, going back to my pacing. "Jacob told me about you, you're a strong fighter." My lips twitched a little, "I don't know about strong, but I'm pretty fast." Billy had a thin smile on his face, somewhat reminding me of Jake. "You have smarts, that's a powerful strength." He said, pointing to his noggin, I couldn't find any humor in his words because his face became serious all over again,

"They need you there Nizhoni. Those vampires are not going to have any interest here. And I have a bad feeling, the same feeling I got when Jake's mother died in the wreck. I don't want that to happen to my boy. I can't lose anymore family. Reachel is gone most of the time, avoids this place like it's the plague. He's all I have really." Billy looked so sad and torn that I felt his pain. I knew what that pain was like too. I had family out there, and I wanted to see them live longer.

"Tell Allison I went for a patrol." I said, making up my mind, phasing into my comfortable four legged-self, bolting down the field. I knew Allison wouldn't buy my story but at least she wouldn't exactly know. Dashing through the trees I could vaguely feel my packs mind, giving me a sense of direction. Even from this distance I could hear the snarling and snapping.

The clearing was littered with varius bodies and body parts. Some of the limbs still twitched and jumped. The only way to kill a vampire was burning the body after beheading it. With my jaws open wide I grabbed onto the nearest newborn, it was a smaller person which suited me as I was not all that big. Despite the leech's small size she was strong, _very _strong. But I was strong, and smart. Wiggling out of her fierce grip I crushed down on the stone-cold neck, ignoring the blows dealt to me. Howling the leech dropped to the ground, allowing me to make quick work of her limbs.

I felt triumph but disheartened at the newborn's strength. It did put me to a slight advantage. I had to make sure they didn't get a good grip on me or it would be the end. All around me was chaos, I could barely single out the Cullens and I could feel Sam's anger at my presence looming over me. _Later. _I thought, not all that sorry. _You can ground me if you want. _

Dodging out of a flurry of clawed hands and fanged mouthes I did my best to throw them down and maul them. It took more effort than I'd have liked but I got the job done, narrowly saving Carlisle from behind. "It is good to see you." He said, patting my head, before letting me saunter away to slay another leech.

Most of the newborns had fallen, Victoria was dead and I barely noticed Edward as I was flying by, _Where's Jacob? _I thought frantically, realizing I had seen everyone but him. "He is with Bella." Edward blocked a feeble attack, jerking his head down a narrow snowy path. Bounding down the path I screamed for Jacob, not feeling his mind. Panic set in and I refused to go back to Billy and tell him I was too late. Crashing around I found the clearing where Jacob stood with Bella. His back was turned and wide open. He was saying something to Bella, holding her face. Behind him was a newborn, a large grisly male. He was charging quietly and I barked out, pushing my muscles to their maximum limit, using ally my strength and power to lunge.

Time had slowed as I jumped in front of Jacob, and I felt fear. Real fear as the monster gabbed me effortlessly, his arm curling underneath my front right leg, clasping with his left that hooked over my neck. "Bella!" Jacob screamed, pulling her away, trying to put in some distance.

I gasped, as the leech shook me like a rag doll, my sides had caved in and I knew I was hurt bad. "Nasty dog!" The vampire sneered, shaking me some more by my neck, I wasn't an expert but I was sure that the cracking sound was not a good thing. When my body hit the ground I felt relief and searched frantically for the chaotic noise. "Nizhoni! Can you hear me?"

It was Bella, she was hunched over me waving her hand in my face. "Don't move her Bella. Her neck is broken." Carlisle was there, crouched low glancing at someone. "Her ribs will need to be re-broken. Her neck too, but that will be difficult. "I'll take her to Allison's. Meet us there." Now it was Sam, hovering over me, he was talking fast but his voice was so far away.

When did I become human? I can't feel my legs...why's Allison here? Doesn't she know it's dangerous? Letting out a soft cry I let my eyes open, I was staring out the open door. There was Paul looking down muttering to himself, no. Muttering to someone. Blinking away the blurs I realized he was talking to Reachel. When did she get here? Her arms wrapped around him. _Pull away you moron. _I thought trying to raise my hand but it was numb like my legs. Reachel leaned in, planting a sloppy kiss on Paul. _What are you doing?! Didn't you say you loved me? _He would push her away...any minute.

But he didn't, he just stood there. My blood was boiling and I wanted to scream but the front door was slammed shut and Carlisle was here again. "You're going to be okay." His voice was all warped and I didn't care if I was okay. I just wanted relief. I would kill Paul, and Reachel.


	19. Chapter 19: Explain to Me

Okay so we're getting towards the Breaking Dawn part one series. And to clear up possible confusion some time passes before the next big things go down, I just didn't really list it.

**Explain to Me**

I was awake, my body tied down flat to a hard surface. Carlisle had fixed my neck and ribs, my neck taking the longest to fix. But nothing fixed the ache in my heart. How stupid I had been to let my emotions control me. And I blamed no one but myself. Paul had come to see me but Sam refused to let him come in. Edward having filled him in on the Reachel-drama. Bella had made it her duty to stay as often as she could and was practically abusing herself over the whole thing. "It's mostly Jakes fault." I croaked, "Besides if I wasn't crippled I'd have killed Paul and Reachel. Which I'm still thinking of doing." She had managed a strained smile then and it made me feel a little better knowing I still had a sense of humor. Allison said when I got better she was going to hit me for being so pig-headed and stupid for running off. But she had been laughing, wiping her eyes so I knew she wasn't serious. I always had visitors so I was never really alone.  
But when I was, I let myself sink into some dark mass and allowed my mind and heart to be swallowed up. Leah was the only one I didn't have to put on a fake happy face for. She knew what I felt and understood it well. So I was always thankful to have her because we didn't need to speak.

Three weeks rolled by and I finally had that blasted cast off of my neck. I was free to do what I wanted, when I wanted. Speaking of which, I had been invited to Bella and Edward's wedding. Jacob had been livid and had stormed off all sorts of pissed. I had my own problems, so I didn't bother to go after him. I needed to get off this stupid reserve, I needed to be away from all these loonies.  
Next thing I knew I was walking up to the Cullen's front door. Alice swinging it open expectantly. I had gotten used to her abilites, even though they still creeped me out. "How do you feel?" Carlisle smiled from his arm chair."  
I moved my hand back and forth "A little stiff, but overall okay." He bobbed his head, "Your muscles will adjust to being off the restraints, if you want I can perscribe you muscle relaxers."  
"That's okay, medicine makes me feel funny." Alice led me through the room, 'formally' introducing me to everyone. Personally I liked all of them, they had their own traits that I liked and it was easy to be around them. I didn't have to feel threatened and they smelled much better than a regular vampire.  
"Nizhoni! You made it!" Bella came bounding down the steps, nearly falling down the last two. "I told you she would!" Alice pouted, brightening considerably when she looked to remember something. "We got you a dress!" My face fell, I hated dresses. She pulled out a silk gown the color of emerald green. It was gorgeous with it's lace sleeves and pearls. But it was too extravagant for someone who was just a guest. "Don't be silly." Edward said motioning to the dress. "If it had not been for you, Bella would not be standing here." Awkwardly I took the dress, thanking them and heading off to an already prepared room, which for some reason had been decorated to my taste. Pushing Paul out of my head I tossed my bag onto the bed, screw Paul.

The wedding was beautiful, and Bella was stunning. Everything was perfectly done and the newly married couple looked so happy I felt happy for them too. Even though I wondered, where was my happy ending? After the festivites I had quickly changed into something more comfortable, sweats and a t-shirt. While Edward and Bella left promptly for their honey moon I went heading back home.  
I hated this void in my chest, like nothing mattered anymore. Like all my life had been sucked out of me. I was so empty on the inside. Allison had respectively given me my space, and that's what I needed.  
Sitting alone had it's advantages, in fact it was doing me good until I heard Allison yelling at someone in the front. "Al? Is everything alright?" Coming around the corner I saw Allison standing on the front porch, holding a lock and loaded gun. Paul stood on the other end with Sam to the left. Reachel not far behind. "You go away! You hurt her enough! Can't be a good honest man!" Allison spat viciously aiming down her sights.  
"I just want to talk to her!" Paul argued, his hands raised. I stepped out, glaring at all of them -excluding Allison-. "There is nothing to talk about, so beat it mutt. I got better things to do." Paul was stepping forward and leaned away when Allison's hand hovered over the trigger. " I know it won't kill you." She warned, her dark eyes were fierce and serious. She would shoot Paul.  
"I want to explain." Stomping down the steps I was in his face, slamming my hand into him. "I said get lost! I had enough of your lies!" I screeched, continuously shoving. "And to think I believed you! All of it!" Reachel was surprisingly quiet and had her hands folded over her chest. I rouned on Sam, "And you! What did you bring him here for!? I didn't want to see him, or her, and you!" Paul reached out to touch me and I wrenched away recoiling from his touch. "Don't touch me!" I growled, my chest rumbling for the first time since I had first phased. He was pleading with me, asking me to listen but I was done making excuses and I was done listening to lies. "Then explain to me who you love! Cause you said me and like your imprint bullshit I found out otherwise!" I pointed accusingly at Reachel, "Tell me who matters most! Tell me the truth! What does she have that I don't!?"  
Reachel snickered then, "Isn't it obvious?" She smirked, "I can have kids, you can't. I can continue the line, you can't. He's told me so." I was practically hyperventallating, "You said that!?" Paul was surprised and had shot Reachel a nasty look, "A long time ago! It was when we were completely seperated! I didn't believe any of it though." Reachel whined stupidly, "You didn't!? That's not true! You said I was the one!"

Things were getting uglier and uglier. "That was when there was still an us Reachel! You up and left! You didn't care who you hurt! And because of it. I always hurt you Nizhoni." Paul was staring at me sadly, but my heart was cold and frozen and I refused to believe the sappy shit anymore. "Tell me who you want." I was glaring, pushing back tears and holding my chin up,  
"Tell me and all this goes away." Paul again attempted to soothe me by coming closer. "Please, give me time." My anger rushed forward and I roared out, "I've given you too much time!" My bones pulled and tugged and I was a wolf, leaping out. My claws were extened, Sam who had seen my phase ahead of time had changed and was throwing me back, but not fast enough for Paul to escape my heavy paw crashing down on the side of his face. It was a single line, curving from the bottom of his eye to his chin.  
"Paul!" Reachel squealed, I was ready to pounce on her but Leah had jumped through the trees and was hauling me away, my teeth barely skimming her skimpy shirt.

Jacob had come back and had informed me that Reachel had left on her own accords. She would be back, she always came back. Like a disgusting mold that refused to vacate the bathroom. I had rejoined the pack, Paul was nothing to me now. I knew now why there weren't any other wolf imprints. Because it was disaster waiting to happen. Two tempermental wolves, prone to unstable violence? Sounds like a fairytale ending. Paul's face had healed quickly and I hated to admit that the scar actually looked good on him. However not one second went by that I would feel sorry for doing it.  
I hung with Jake and Leah mostly. Jake and I had a very bonded friendship. I had saved his life and he was always there for me, saving me from insanity. For that I would always be grateful to him. Sam who refused to divide the pack, did little to comfort me. Which I did not dwell too much on, I just avoided him whenever I could. I didn't need his sypathetic looks or him feeling sorry for me.

** PAUL'S POV **

I hated Reachel, she had done all of it on purpose! She wasn't even supposed to be here with all those leeches running around, and she just showed up randomly.I had wanted to keep her as friend and nothing more. I had explained this to her, and she turned out to be nothing more than a spiteful bitch out to destroy.  
Now Nizhoni had seen all that Reachel had wanted her to see, stabbed her in the most tender of topics and left. Leaving nobody to blame but me. There was nothing left now, my chances with Nizhoni were non-exsistent and I could only sit and watch her from a distance.  
Jacob was her only outlet to happiness, and if I had to deal with it everyday I would. It was the only time she was happy. She was aware that I would watch her, when we were in our wolf forms, but it was the only acknowledgement she ever gave me. I had started sleeping back at my dad's place, my room at Sam's smelled too much like Nizhoni and I'd rather not have to wake up thinking she'd be there and end up severly disappointed.  
I had tried to explain, I had tried to show her, but in the end I always got the same response. Reachel will come back, she always does. And when she's around, you two are like poison to me. Nizhoni had been firm that she was done with me and wanted absolutely nothing to do with me. Damn you Reachel. Don't you ever show your face around here again.

AMANDA'S POV

Since the whole battle, things had calmed down a lot. Every once in a while we got a straggler here and there but nothing the pack couldn't handle. Needless to say it was actually kind of boring and I decided to start school again.I was far behind for what my grade actually was, and I'd start next year and had to do it all over. No senior graduation or college yet. Which was fine, with all my free time I could throw in studying and then maybe a job. I was debating on dropping out of the pack all together. There didn't seem to be a need to stay.  
"Hey." Peeking up from my hair I stared up at Jacob. "Hey yourself." I said, kicking my bag onto the ground so he could sit next to me. "Can I ask you something?" Jacob's voice was strained like his face and while I knew the whole Bella getting married thing had bothered him it didn't cause him physical pain. Then again maybe it did and I was a shitty friend and hadn't noticed.  
"What is it?" Jake sighed, raking his hand through his hair. "What would you do if you know you should do the right thing? But it would go against everything you stood for?" What the hell kind of question was that? Normally the right thing was for whatever you stood for...except the Nazis. They were psyhcos with severe people problems.  
"I don't know Jake. That depends." I stared at my friend who looked hopelessly lost. "I haven't told Sam yet." Jacob's fists were clenching and I leaned away, already knowing the signs of a possible phase. "Because I'm not sure what to do." He was making this really complicated. And not very specific. "Follow your heart Jake." I felt my insides cringe. I followed my heart and look what happened. Jacob must have felt the same because he held a lopsided grin on his face, but I knew he had found his answer.

"See yeah Niz.I'll...talk to you later?" Jacob scrunched up his face and bounded off towards what I assumed Sam's place. I wonder what that was about I thought, plucking up a stray dandelion. Everyone was changing, for better or worse. Nothing we could do about it though. Slipping back inside the house I decided to cook dinner for Allison, she'd be getting back late tonight so it would be nice to not have to make anything after working so hard.  
Shuffling through the cabinets and fridge I decided on steak, shrimp, and veggies. Personally I hated vegetables, but Allison loved them. And since I was making anything for me it made sense. Peeling and de-veining shrimp was the most time consuming thing, the rest came easily. I couldn't be a doctor, but I could be a cook, maybe. Wrapping up the food as I finished the last bit of straightening up Jared appeared suddenly in the kitchen window slamming his hands against the glass, scaring the living fuck out of me.  
"What the hell!?" I snapped, "Don't you know what a front door is!?" Jared had his stupid look plastered onto his face, watching me fumble around to open the window. "Well I could, but I couldn't pass up the chance to scare you." He replied in his giddy voice, squeezing through the window. How was it even possible to fit that much body through such a small space?  
"Again there's still a door waiting to be used, and what do you want anyway? It's Embry's turn to do shifts." Jared's face fell a little and he glanced around the house like it mattered if anyone heard. "Jacob left the pack." He whispered seriously. I felt my face go numb, "He what!?" Jared nodded, his eyes wide as he recalled the events to me. "Bella is pregnant, with a leech baby. Sam is really pissed about it too and he told Jacob we should get rid of it."  
Bella was pregnant? I thought vampires were sterile? "So now Sam wants the whole pack there. So he sent me to get you." I grabbed my over shirt, threw it on and raced out of the house with Jared. Not wanting to believe his story. Jared was a prankster, but I didn't think he'd joke about Jacob abandoning the pack or Bella having a kid.  
When we neared Sam's house, everyone was outside, Sam being the most rigid and angry looking. Nope, definately not a joke. "Good you're here." Sam nodded, pacing in front of us. I stood next to Leah, hoping for some answers but she looked just as lost as I did.  
"The Cullens are harboring a potential danger." Sam said staring down at us like we were school children. His mouth was pulled into a thin line that had pursed so tightly that the blood had flowed away from it. "And Jacob, has decided to protect Bella, and it." My head became clear as I remembered when Jacob had visited me earlier, making me sober and grim. He had known about Bella and the child already. And even though he knew he could never be with her, he would still risk his life for her, and whatever her kid might be. "We can't risk the safety of the people in La Push or Forks. It's time we put an end to this charade."

And just like that, a whole new scene was thrown in motion. And I felt caught in the middle of it all. I liked the Cullens, and I loved Jacob -as a bro- and I started to feel the way Jacob did. Not knowing if it was right. I loved Sam, he was my brother and as my alpha I couldn't disobey him. Paul was beside me, not sure when he got there but I pressed away not wanting him there. "There's nothing we can do." He said, not bothering to reach out to me. "Jacob made his decision. We have to follow Sam." I glared at him, "Is there a reason you're talking to me?"  
"I've tried to tell you!" Paul yelled, his face tight and red "I've showed you what Reachel did!" I was glowering, he had and while this was true, he still asked me to find time for him to decide. When I told Paul this he kept his mouth shut. Sam was talking over us now, I hadn't noticed we were arguing in front of everyone. "We kill Bella. They're the enemy now."

It was a straightforward plan. Rush them, kill them, and leave. But my stomach clenched and was sloshy with something foul, making me want to retch. I didn't feel right at all.


	20. Chapter 20: My Decision

In this chapter, there's a good portion of it in Paul's POV. Because of who Paul is I don't exactly expect him to really know any of the vampires names. So I tried to avoid writing them and gave the best descriptions I could of each Cullen without making it seem like Paul was an overly detailed person. Because lets face it, for all Paul cares they're vampires what they look like probably makes no difference. **Thank you all for your reviews/favs/follows! They mean a whole bunch to me! Hope you all enjoy this chapter!**

**My Decision**

The whole pack had been grim and down since this whole thing started. And it got worse when Seth left, followed by Leah. I had to admit I didn't feel right about it either. Actually I wasn't sure what I felt. My insides were swarmed with conflicting emotions.

Sam stood in front of me, his dark eyes boring into mine as he let his heavy hands fall on my shoulders. "I'm counting on you." I did not return his smile because I knew he must have felt my insecure mind, known about how unsure I was and was trying to reel me in the right direction or at least his direction.

At this moment I was glad we weren't wolves. I didn't want anyone to know what I was thinking, what I felt. I thought about Bella's happiness, and Edward's. Their willingness to keep suriving for a child they didn't know. Bella's bravery to protect her child, even from her family. They had opened a whole new door, revealed new possibilites. Strode into the unknown and even when it could kill them, they accepted it.

I decided, I didn't like Sam's way. I would not rip away what I myself could not have. No mother/father should suffer the loss of their child's premature death. Bella and Edward were happy, something I strongly felt they deserved. Paul and I would always be on the brink of unfamiliarness, never knowing for sure. And it wasn't worth fighting for anymore. But true love was and I would. It was my decision in the end that mattered most.

"I'm sorry Sam but I can't." I moved his hands, stepping back to get a better look at him. "Nizhoni." Sam warned, his face contorted with a fearful look. "I can't let you kill an innocent baby." I replied shortly. "It's not right." Sam growled, pacing infront of me. I was ready to take him, here and now. I wouldn't back down.

"This is different Niz! We don't know what it is or what it could do!" His voice was pitched angrily and I felt my shoulders flex. "People hate and fear what they don't understand! Why can't you give it a chance?!" Sam sneered back at me, "You know why I can't!" I tilted my chin up then. He wouldn't relent on his plans then neither would I, "Then I'll see you on the other side of the battlefield."

I hurried away from their stunned faces, Paul calling after me. Like I'd listen to him. Phasing I pounded through the forest, getting as far away from Sam as I could.

The run was short, and quiet, and as I neared the Cullens home I could see Leah and Seth standing gaurd. Their fur raised slightly upon seeing me but I phased back into myself, standing naked behind a bush. "I didn't come to fight." I said slowly, raising my hands as Jacob found his way onto the front porch. "I came to help."

"You shouldn't have left Sam." Jacob said quietly, knowing my sacrafice. "I won't fight for what I don't believe in Jake." I muttered, "You know that." Jacob nodded avoiding looking at me. "You're a real friend Niz." I shrugged, "I try to be." Edward had come out and his expression was unreadable as he let us file in.

Esme had given me some clothes and I stood near Alice, across from Bella who looked a total mess. Her face was sunken in and shallow. Her lips were as white as her shirt. and she looked like she hadn't slept in ages. "You look like shit Bella." I smiled, trying to cheer her up. "Gee thanks." She snorted, trying to get comfortable on the sofa. Her belly was huge and swollen. Carlisle having filled me in on the rapid growth of the baby.  
"But don't worry pregnancy does the most horrible things to women. Makes them all fat and puffy and they eat a lot. Weird things too, like pickles and ice cream or liver with a side of cake. You don't look as bad as they do." Bella laughed and waved me away, feeling a pain contract around her stomach area. Edward rushed over to her, concealing the rest of her body with his and I felt that it was too private of a scene and headed into the far corner of the room, where Jacob stood glaring outside. "He won't wait much longer to attack."

Of course he was referring to Sam and his pack. Not long ago he had sent Jared -poor Jared- to try and re-claim Leah, calling her his 'Lei-Lei' which was a sore mistake. Leah had phased so fast and was hounding Jared that he had barely escaped her wrath. Once Sam confirmed our firmness on staying with Jake and protecting the Cullens we too would be deemed enemies.

Jake's eyes bored into mine, taking me in. "I need to know. Are you willing to do what's necessary? This won't be a clean fight." I did not want to fight Sam, I hated the idea of hurting him, but I made a choice and I would stand by it. Killing something/someone because you did not understand it was not a good enough reason for me. Not even Sam could redeem his image to me.

"Yes. I'll fight." I mumbled quietly, watching the cool droplets of rain splash against the window. "To the end if I have to Jake." It sounded so melodramtic but it was all real. Not some Shakespeare play where the actors get up when the curtains go down. If we fall we stay fallen, this could literally be our last. I wish I had said goodbye to Allison.

PAUL'S

She was gone. _Really _gone. The disbelief still rocked my core and her fading form never left my mind. We were supposed to attack around midnight, nothing was to stand in our way. If it had been just Jake, or Leah I would have no problem taking them down and Seth could easily be over powered. But of course Nizhoni was the one standing in my way.

I did not want to hurt her, and especially not kill her. Normally I was hyped and pumped up for a fight, but I was fighting my soulmate. I was stupid in asking for more time, I knew who I wanted, and it wasn't that bitch harpy Reachel. If I hadn't been so stupid, things could be different.

_Let's get into formation. _Sam's voice rumbled through us, sending us trotting in a straight line, pushing past the trees in silence. My heart pounded as we inched closer and closer to the leech's home, where three of the them waited for us. Their faces were laced with fear and uncertainty, which they should, it was only right after all.

But Nizhoni had chosen them, cared for them, and even _loved _them. Her mind never registered that they were the enemies. She was fond of their company, and each one had a place in her heart. "I won't let them hurt my family." One of the leeches glared, as Sam led the charge, our paws thudding loudly against the ground.

They were sorely outnumbered and I wondered where Jacob and the others were. Not to mention the other vampires that lived here. The one called Edward was soaked in blood, which had smelled like that woman, Bella. Around the corner the largest of the leech family and his mate charged at us, catching us by surprise in the side. Embry was the first to meet his huge fists and was sent hurling through the air.

And then Anoter two appeared shortly after, taking stand immediately to defend their home and whatever monster they allowed to live. _Paul! Behind you! _Quil cried, giving me a short amount of time before Nizhoni was attached to my muzzle. Her razor teeth slicing deep into the skin as she clenched down on me.

Howling I shook her, trying to get her off of me. She had been clawing her way onto my back, when I knocked her into a row of trees in another attempt to scrape her off. This time it worked and she slumped to the ground, her fur glistening with her own blood.

Jared and Quil went to rush in on her but I warned them away. _Nobody but me fights her. _This gave Nizhoni time to recooperate and she skittered around me, snapping at my legs and neck, while avoiding me all together. Her eyes were mean and murderous but something cautious lingered behind them. She had never been afraid to fight, and even if it was me -and I could imagine she'd have no problem mauling me- she would not have backed down.

As she leaped out I snatched her by the neck, and pinned her roughly to the floor. Nizhoni growled, trying to push off the floor to gain her footing. But her fight was weak, and she avoided exposing herself at all. I shook her some, trying to gain a response but she let herself go completely limp. What was she doing? My confusion was short lived as the pixie vampire sent me flying, crashing onto my side.

As soon as I was off of Nizhoni, she was up and running off, her strength and agility regained as she pounced in front of Embry, protecting one of the leeches. I wanted to chase her down, but Jacob had come out yelling. Not sure what about but I barely caught sight of Nizhoni slipping away unnoticed as Leah took her spot.

SAM'S POV

Jacob had phased revealing his imprint on the half vampire child to me. _If you hurt her, you hurt me. _Jacob said again, his eyes were a frosty cool that were determined to bring us down if I harmed the girl. "It is their most sacred law." The mind-reader said mutinously, "They cannot harm her." And it was true, we could not. But this would mean that Jacob was responsible for any of the girl's actions from here on out. Paul's mind probed for Nizhoni wondering where she had gone. Jacob felt this and closed his mind to me immediately and turned away. _My sister, where is my sister? _I asked quickly, my own curiosity was peaked.

_Gone. _Jacob replied, giving me no further explanation and continued to walk away. _They know something. _Embry said quietly, _And they're trying to keep it secret. _I decided that we would have to worry about it later, Nizhoni wouldn't leave she would have at least said goodbye to Allison. And even then she had no reason to go. No matter what she was always welcomed back. _Maybe she went to Allison. _Jared said as we re-grouped, heading back over the border.

PAUL'S POV

We had practically run to Allison's small house who was already outside waiting for us, along with Emily. Which wasn't strange since that was where Sam had left her. What was strange was that they looked just as confused and lost as we felt. "Did Nizhoni come by?" Sam asked as soon as he and the rest of us had changed and got clothed. Allison nodded, "Yes." Her voice came out in a odd mumble. "She did come by, and said she was leaving to some place far away." Allison swiped at her face, knocking the tears out of her eyes. "But she wouldn't tell me where! She just said she needed to escape!"

Allison was sobbing now and I felt my chest tighten up. "Did you tell her she couldn't come back!?" Allison screamed, looking at her son accusingly. "No, I did not. She left during the fight. Jacob wouldn't tell me anything." Sam looked disheleved and leaned against the wall for support his eyes surrounded by dark purplish circles. Emily placed her hand on his arm, trying to comfort him. "She looked worried, like she was scared Sam."

"I'm going to look for her. Paul come with me, and you too Jared. The rest of you go home and sleep."

We set out to find her, and we searched for hours, her trail always ending cold. Whatever she was up to she made it extremely hard for us to find her. Because it seemed like she didn't want to be found.

It had been a week before I had said screw the treaty line and had found myself storming up the vampire's steps and pounded on their door. I hated asking for their help but I was willing to do it if it meant finding Nizhoni.

The door was cracked open just slightly and before me stood that pixie girl. "Nizhoni is not here." She mused, staring up at me. "I know that." I barked, not wanting to be lead down a string of conversations of what I already knew. "Where is she? I know you freaks know."

Edward appeared next to her. He looked much more clean and "jolly"  
that his whole family shit came through and it pissed me off that he could have such a pleasent look on his face when Sam's family was broken. "Nizhoni has gone, and likewise did not reveal where to, but had forced us to respect her wishes into the reasons as to why she had to go." He replied, I cursed at him in my head, I knew he could hear me, but a little girl stood off to the side, staring at me.

And while I may be a shit-bag as Nizhoni loved to call it. I wasn't going to curse in front of a kid. Who was she anyway? She couldn't be the baby could she? "Was she sick? Did she go back to Virginia? If it's about Reachel I-" The vampire cut me short, putting his hand up.

"The reasons are entirely unknown to you, but she made it clear that she did not want you around. I'm sorry but we cannot explain anymore than what we've told you. Goodbye." And just like that the door snapped shut in my face and I don't know how long I stood outside punching on their door when I finally gave up and trudged home.

Whatever Nizhoni's reasons where I was the one that had drove her away. But I wouldn't give up, I wouldn't. And when I found her she would have a whole lot of explaining to do.


	21. Chapter 21: Escape

**Okay so this is the first time I've done a flashback. Which will be signaled by bold words okay? **Also, I'm going to make Nizhoni seem horrible for a briefest of minutes but bare with me please! This chapter mainly covers Nizhoni's sudden change in behavior from the previous chapter and isn't too long. Thank you all for reading/reviewing/following/and making my story a favorite! It's super awesome to know you all enjoy it! **BTW I realized I got chapters 15 & 16 messed up a little, which I believed I fixed. Thank you WriteAndDream23 for pointing this out to me! **

AMANDA'S POV

I had a backpack filled with some clothes and a wad of cash in my wallet. I wore a jacket and a baseball cap to make myself fit in even though I didn't need it. I had travelled to Seattle. It was about a three hour car ride but I had travelled by foot the entire way and had only phased once to push me further and had decided to walk once I got closer to civilization and the sun started coming up.

By now I was exhausted and had flung myself onto the creaking hotel bed. My eyes were heavy and sore, feeling itchy from the lack of sleep. But still I could not rest with last night's events playing through my head:

**After speaking to Jacob I had wandered around the Cullen's house, appreciating all the ancient and historic things they owned when Alice had cornered me and pulled me off to a secluded room with Rose. "When were you going to tell us?" She beamed excitedly, "Tell you what?" I cocked my head, surely starting school hadn't been all that exciting. "The baby silly!" She giggled, swatting at my arm. "This is wonderful! Rensesme will have a playmate!" Rose nodded happily and I was continuously giving them a blank stare. "What baby?" Rose shoulders fell before Alice who was still too busy being her Alicey-self. "She didn't know Alice." Rose muttered quickly, Alice became tense and she immediately apologized while adding, "That would explain why the vision was blurry." At that moment Jacob came rushing in, telling us that Sam had arrived and we needed to take our places. **

**"I'll deal with it later." I snapped, feeling horrible for being angry at Alice. "I would have gone not knowing anyway so I'll pretend it's not here right now." I pushed past the two girls and had gone around back, listening to the battle rage out of control. Leah and I phased with Seth and as soon as our minds touched Leah was questioning me up and down the wall. **

**I had ignored her, seeking out my next target which happened to be Paul. I charged at him, feeling a surge of anger, and clung onto his fur, resisting his attempts at pushing me off. I had hoped that maybe he would accidentally kill the baby. After all I didn't know what to do with it. This kid ruined everything, all my hopes of normalcy. Who knew what it would turn out to be? There was a reason my periods had stopped, and while Paul and I had been careful nonetheless there shouldn't have been a chance anyway?**

**My mind trailed off and Paul had found his opening, flinging me into trees, crushing my body against them. I slumped to the ground feeling a horrible pain in my back and fear creeped into me as Paul warned Quil and Jared away. I had lunged, throwing my weight into it and was shot down, as Paul pinned me. Again I felt worry as he applied pressure on me and let my body go limp in hopes of Paul easing up, it only frustrated him and he shook me, his chest rumbling. I was thankful that Alice had thrown him away and I made a quick escape, barely jumping in front of Esme, blocking Embry.**

**I looked all around me, all the fighting that seemed to never end. All the unusualness that surrounded the small town of Forks. I may not have been able to have a normal life, but my kid sure as hell would. I was leaving tonight. And I wouldn't go back, ever.**

**Leah acknowledge this normalcy that I strived after, because it was something she wanted as well. Seth wasn't so sure, and tried to convince me to stay. And when Jacob revealed his imprint to Sam I took my leave, barely leaving him with an answer. Using the darkness to cover me I ran away from the scene and fled to Allison's to say my goodbyes and gather somethings. When I left there I had started my run. Alice and Carlisle waited for me on the edges of the forest. Alice forced me to take a ridiculous amount of money, she said she couldn't see my future but perhaps that was because I was so uncertain. Carlisle explained that phasing may cause damage to the fetus and I should do it is little as possible. Which was fine by me, good riddance to my ridiculous life. Like Allison I left my friends behind with a million questions and trecked on a uncertain journey.**

Laying in bed with the knowledge of a brand new life inside of me was eating away at me. I hoped I was a good mother. I didn't need Paul to be here with me, to tell me things would be okay. I was strong and could make it on my own. But it didn't stop me from wanting him to be there. I didn't know if I would leave Seattle. I should, it wasn't far enough from Forks and if I could get here in one night then Paul could too. Or Sam...or the whole pack if they wanted too. _So it's settled. _I thought bobbing my head. _I'll move completely out of state. _Of course the first place that popped into my head was Virginia, but that was a tad bit obvious. _Oh well, I'm making it up as I go along, can't be upset I don't know everything. _I yawned, letting my head roll into the pillows. Sleep was finally letting herself in and getting comfortable. Tomorrow I'd know what to do. Who cares if I slept the whole day away? Not me.


	22. Chapter 22: In My Time of Need

Nizhoni is going to name her daughter **Nayeli which means 'I love you' in Zapotec. Zapotec is a native tribe but not of the US. They originiate from some place in Southern Mexico (most likely past). I did some searching around and could not find much that I liked, and if I did it wasn't catchy or was too long and complicated even for reading. Yet again I ask you to cope with me and make an exception. Her middle name will be Zyanya which is also Zapotec and means, 'forever always' . **Like last time I got the names from this ** names/usage/native-american** This story takes place a few months after the Breaking Dawn Part 2. The estimated number of population in the town Nizhoni settles in was given between 2000-2010

**In My Time of Need**

Kalispell, Montana was a tiny town similar to Forks in a few ways. It's overall population held a measly 19,927 people. It relied heavily on tourist population from skiing, hiking, camping and basically nature fanatics.

Montana was perfect for a freak like me. Wolves were well known around here and if for some reason I needed to phase, well it wouldn't be too unusual. I wasn't as big as the others and could maybe pass as a regular wolf. Either way I ended up renting a small cottage just on the outskirts of the town, away from prying eyes and close to the forest.

I rented from a crotchety old guy named Redd who looked like a walking piece of jerky with how old the guy was. He mumbled a lot too, and was constantly grumbling about me being a single, un-wed mother, with no future ahead of me except to: let-them-babes-suckle-from-yer-breast. But meh, whatever. He could shut the fuck up, nobody asked his opinion. Redd meant well though, every few days he would stop by to see how I was doing and to make sure I hadn't 'farted-yer-kid-on-my-kitchen-floor'. His wife, Martha had knitted some baby blankets and had given me some clothes and other baby essentials -she was also less crotchety- and would constantly have me over for dinner. If I ignored her requests for too long she and Redd were over, cooking dinner.

Life was rolling by slowly and it felt like I was standing on the inside looking out as it passed me by. Not a day went by when I thought of everyone, and Paul especially. By this time Emily would have had the baby already and I'd be following not too far behind. Instinctively my hand went to my stomach and I felt a wave of worry. The baby hadn't been so active lately, barely moving and occasionally all I got was a hiccup or nudge but nothing major.

I had stopped phasing all together and had forced myself to get a job at a nearby grocery store. The stress of work, baby, people, and keeping myself under control was a daunting task and most days it was a constant struggle. But I took Carlisle's advice seriously and refused to phase no matter what. I couldn't see a doctor, my heart rate was at a constant high pushing blood through my body at unhealthy rate that was normal for me, and my temperature was high. Plus a hospital was not a place for me right now. All the bright lights, the high traffic halls, the sick people, the dying people, the injured and the mourning.

I felt it would be better for me to stay away from people. But the longer I worried the more I doubted my decision. Sighing I sat down onto the squishy chair, rubbing my temples to ease the ache. When that didn't help I decided to go for a walk and take in the pretty scenes of Montana.

The roads were smooth and rarely used, making it very peaceful feeling. The fresh mountain air was refreshing and I drank it in, trying to force down the worry I felt. Worrying to not worry was pretty contradictory and an endless circle all on it's own. Pacing my steps I tried to balance myself as I rubbed my lower back which was sore from carrying. The pain traveled from my lower back to around my midsection and shot down my thighs, causing me to stumble and groan. I had to skirt to the side and kneel over to prevent myself from being run over.

"Of all the times." I muttered seeing water pool beneath me. The house was so far now and there's no way I'd make it back in time, so I made due with leaning against a rock. The convulsions in my stomach increased bringing unwanted pain with it and I did my best to suck in deeply and exhale. Breathing did little to soothe me, leaving me more short of breath than aiding so I took to taking large gulps of air. My eyes had squeezed shut so I only heard tires screeching to halt from the road and the door being flung open, creaking as it did. "What are you doing out here!?"

My eyes opened at Redd's familiar gruff voice. "Farting a kid out obviously." I grunted, shifting to my side. "You said not to do it on your kitchen floor." Redd pursed his lips, looking annoyed. "Don't you know what sarcasm is?" I smiled softly as he hoisted me up, letting my weight bare down on him. "Don't you?" Redd muttered something about disrespectful youngin's and managed to stuff me into the cab of his truck and did a frantic u-turn.

Redd blared his horn loudly, and had Martha running out so fast. She was surprised to see me and sobered up quickly when Redd pulled me out, he was strong for an old piece of jerky. "I'll get some water and towels." Martha said, telling Redd to put me in the spare guest room.

By now I was feeling pretty shitty and could barely make sense of things. Martha looked worried as she moved around me, Redd sat to my right with his poker face on and dabbed at my face with cool water. "You're labor is going by too quickly." Martha announced, peeking underneath my dress. It didn't seem like that, it felt like forever.

Gasping I sat up, "It's time to push dear. Redd help her sit up." The push was excruciating and I was biting my lip, tasting copper. "Here, bit down on this if you need it." Redd pushed a moist rag into my mouth. His voice was barely audible and I struggled to hear his and Martha's instruction and push out the baby.

"Don't move." Martha ordered, prodding me with her hands. "The baby is stuck." Panic coursed through me, sending chills through my body, an unusual mix with pain. I said a small prayer in my head for everything to be okay, trying to be calm and fighting back the wolf that clawed to get out.

MARTHA'S POV

The moisture from the water membrane rupturing had dried up, slowing progress even more. Thankfully the baby was unstuck and inched closer and closer at a snail's pace. Which wouldn't have been so bad if it weren't for the fact that Nizhoni's body was trying to accelerate the birth at an alarming rate. There were almost no rests between contractions and with a new sheet of snow forming outside, an ambulance would be unlikely. Besides it was too late to move the girl, it would endanger her already progressed state.

It had been nearly three hours by the time I could see the baby's head and I felt a sigh of relief escape me. "You're almost done, just a little further dear." Nizhoni readied herself, taking in a deep breath as she pushed.

**AMANDA'S POV**

It came with a whoosh and all my energy drained away from me, my body collapsing into the bed. Redd and Martha were clamoring around the room, speaking in hurried voices. "Where's the baby?" It was a normal question for any mother who'd just given birth. "We're just making sure she's healthy." Martha replied from some where in the room, but her voice was off and hid something. I started demanding to see the baby, and became upset when Martha left the room with a small bundle, leaving Redd to try and calm me.

"Something's not right." He told me honestly, pushing my shoulders back into the sheets. "She's not breathing." His words sunk in and hit me like a freight train, "Just wait and see." Redd said, "Sometimes they have fluid in their lungs." From the room I could hear Martha patting the baby. _Whack! Whack! Whack! _This went on for five or ten minutes and the baby never made any sound. "She's just sleeping." I sniffed, trying to make sense of things, feeling a wave of dizziness and nausea as darkness enveloped me, carrying me into an unwelcoming silence.

Nayeli Zyanya Lahote.

12/15/2005-12/15/2005

I Love You, Forever Always.

The words were blurry, and even a bit smudged which didn't make sense because I wasn't crying. In fact I hadn't been able to. I felt absolutely nothing as I stared down at the urn. Was that normal? Is this how people grieved? Everyone was different, but was it normal to feel so devoid and drained? I couldn't even feel my fingers or face. _Just sleep and rest. _Redd had told me, but Redd wasn't here. That must've been days ago and I was just crazy, crazy, crazy. Letting my chin fall into my chest I clutched the jar, cradling it close to me, falling into a numb sleep.


	23. Incompatible: READERS

**TO THE READERS**

**Thank you all so much for your support and reviews! They mean soooo much! And I would not have written this much if it weren't for you all!**

**sarahmichellegellarfan1, MakaylaLahote, WriteAndDream23, Sesshomaru'sCrazygal, samhartmann666, Sam0728, Laura, RebornRose1992, Guest, Affectionate at Heart, The all mighty and powerfulM. **

**XOXO - Spacecake23**


	24. Chapter 23: Going Home

Thank you **Laura, WriteAndDream23, and I Am Switzerland 101 **for your support and reviews! And a special thank you to **I Am Switzerland 101** for the dream idea! I really loved and appreciated it!

So I scrapped chapters 23 and 24. And changed the ending slightly to chapter 22.

**Going Home**

I sat up fast, feeling disoriented and sore. My head throbbed from waking up in such a way and I fumbled clumsily to get out of bed. For the past week I had been having that dream where tihings had taken a sudden turn for the worst and I had lost Nayeli. But she was a little fighter, and had coughed up all of the fluid in her lungs.

I smiled at the memory of waking up for the first time after thinking Nayeli had died. Redd had nearly walked away with a broken nose from me flailing around not understand what was going on. I had barely gotten under control before 'IT' happened. Martha had been patient and waited calmly for me until I was ready to listen.

While the memory was hilarious to look at, the emotion behind it had been real and I had genuinely thought she was gone. And it was not something I ever wanted to feel again. Slinking out of bed I tip-toed over to the crib that Redd had 'bought' for me. I say 'bought' because they don't sell carved cribs anymore. And if you do find a place that does it would be specially ordered, and would take a while to make.

The crib had intricate designs and a carefully sculpted frame. Nayeli's name had been carved in a pretty cursive at the footboard. It was a gorgeous crib and the finish on the dark wood made it look so much more enchanting. Peering down I smiled to myself. Nayeli was already awake, rocking herself back and forth as she gnawed on her blanket as she grabbed her toes. Her hair fell into her eyes and was fun to mold into a mohawk after a bath.

"Come here little buggy." I said, gingerly lifting her into my arms. It'd been four months since she was born and there was no way she wasn't Paul's. From her slanted eyes and pointd nose she nailed him dead on. Her lips and maybe jawline were me but it was too early to really tell. Hopefully she didn't acquire some of his nasty habits. Some she already had, like his short fuse. She was quick to argue if you took one of her toys and would have this super angry-pouty look. Nayeli also had a big appetite for seeing how far she could push your buttons, and loved to see what she could get away with.

Caressing her soft skin I wedged myself into the comforter, bouncing her in my lap. She was a chubby baby and drooled constantly, which would be cute if it weren't for the fact she liked to blow rasberries, causing an unrealisitc amount of slobber to splatter everywhere.

"Stay still." I grumble, trying to wipe at her face. But she fussed and swatted and whined making my clean up job much more complicated. It was barely five in the morning and she was already crankey. "Why are you so disagreeable?" I asked, laying her down to play with her feet. I didn't mind being up so early, I was used to it anyway, spending it with Nayeli made it more enjoyable - on most days anyway-. Still, if I was really honest with myself, being with Nayeli who was nearly exactly like Paul made me a little sad on the inside.

And I tried not to think about him but you can't control everything you think of. I told myself that I left because of him and then I said I was a liar. The only thing I ran away from was being a wolf. I missed Sam, Emily, Jacob, Leah, and Paul. Especially Paul. A few times I picked up the phone, dialed Sam's number and hung up if someone answered. Once Sam asked if it was me and I slammed the phone onto the reciever, accidentally smashing it. Stupid wolf strength.

I didn't know what I was so afraid of, maybe because I had left on a whim and it had been a little over a year now. Emily would have had her baby already, and like the horrible sister I was to Sam, I missed it. Martha had become my closest friend and I could always rely on her when I needed, plus Redd secretly loved Nayeli and spoiled her. A few times I caught him sneaking some confectionary treat to her. "If it bothers you this much Nizhoni you need to find closure and go see your brother." Martha told me one day. "Or else you'll never be happy."

Which was why I had decided that I was going home. It hadn't been an easy decision to come to, but it was best. I knew that if I went back to La Push, I would never come back to Montana. Their world or my world was a vaccum, and once you got sucked in you almost never got out. "We have a big day today Nayeli." I yawned, slumping her in her rocker and moving to get dressed.

I nearly cried as I said goodbye -okay I did cry, horribly but that's between myself and my mirror- and I promised to call everyday and send them pictures and let them know how Nayeli was doing. " Send us a picture of ." Martha liked to tease me about Paul. She said while I was asleep I was muttering about some handsome-jackass in my sleep, who had exceptional abs. Which was ridiculous of course, because I don't mutter in my sleep.

The drive wasn't horrible, Nayeli slept majority of it and it gave me a lot of time to think about what I would say when I met Sam face to face. Then I had to face Allison who I left on a much more sour note than Sam. She'd been in tears when I left and I had refused to tell her anything. Nayeli was cute enough, if I dropped her in Allison's arms and ran away I wonder if she'd forgive me?

Shaking my head I focused on the road. Redd had given me one of his trucks and I had to say this thing hauled ass. It wasn't too old but not super new and was the color of colbalt blue. I only stopped once and slowly the scenery started to look familiar. I knew I was close when a big sign that read: WELCOME TO FORKS screamed out at me. I thought it was stupid for it to sound so cheery. There was literally nothing in Forks, save for the vampires and wolf-changing people. But that was besides the point.

I passed my old house, vines had begun to grow up the side and the windows were matted in dirt and dust. Then I passed Sue Clearwater's house, and then Jacob's place. I doubt he stayed there very often considering who he imprinted on. Either way I made a mental note to go and visit Billy.

The little red house had remained virtually the same. Emily's flowers were still well kept and her porch swept of any dirt. As I closed the cab door quietly, balancing Nayeli on my hip I stared around me. It was 6 in the evening, most likely the pack was getting ready for rounds and Emily was here by herself. Taking in a deep breath I forced myself up the stairs, rapping on the door three times and letting my stomach hitch into my throat.

"Just a second!" Emily called, from inside the house i could hear a baby fussing and smiled softly to myself. Emily's footsteps thudded against the ground and when the door flew open her surprised expression met mine.

"Nizhoni?" I waved awkwardly, "Hey Emily...Surprise!"


	25. Chapter 24: Square One

**Thank you all so much for your review/fav/follow! I really do like this version so much better and am a lot happier with it! I could not have gotten this far without you! xoxoxo!**

**Square One**

Emily was both pleased and upset to see me. _How could you not say anything!? Sam was so worried! I'm so glad you're okay! Where have you been!? And Nayeli is super cute..._

She had swatted me a couple of times, offered me something to drink and rolled out a blanket for Nayeli and her cousin Micheal to play on. Micheal was older by two months and was all chubby smiles. They got along very well and he reminded me of Emily.

"Soo, does Paul know?" Emily asked, sipping her coffee lightly as she eyed me like a hawk."No, nobody but the Cullens knew about it -because of Alice- and I wanted to have a normal life but I felt so...incomplete."

"He just got back you know." Emily said more softly than she meant. "He looked everywhere for you, and no matter where he went or thought you'd be he never found you." Emily laughed a little as she spoke "He's been a wreck. He went to the Cullens every week and tried getting answers, it got so bad that the biggest one -Emmett I think- fought with him. Gave Paul a black eye for two weeks."

I felt horrible, not for Paul's face but for the Cullen's having to put up with him. Still, the fact Paul had been looking for me left a sour tasting film in my mouth and I knew he'd be upset at me for running and even more angry that I had kept my -our- daughter away from him. I just hoped I could explain that I hadn't done it to intentionally hurt him.

"He was the first to make a round tonight with Sam and they will be back around midnight." I didn't want to be here when Paul came back, but I wanted to see Sam. I was still capable of phasing so I could do it if I needed.

Emily and I talked about a lot of things, most of it revolved around babies. The good, the bad, and the downright nasty of it. In fact we chatted so much that time had flown by and before I knew it I could hear familiar voices echoing from the driveway.

I jumped up from the couch, feeling a panic settling inside of me. "What am I gonna say?!" I moaned, pacing back and forth. "Just go in the back with Nayeli and I'll get you." Emily pushed me to the back room, where I waited impatiently.

Emily's POV

I sighed, feeling slightly nervous. It wasn't Sam I was worried about, but Paul. He had hurtled himself into this hole of depression and just deteriorated slowly. When he first set out to find Nizhoni he had been full of determination and hope and had come back less than half of who he had been. He hardly interacted with anyone and was just a shell. He still showed his anger and often expressed his hurt this way. There were so many ways he could react it was just which one was he more likely to be. Paul was entirely unpredictable now, and had become an emotional roller coaster.

"You're still up." Sam asked as he hunched through the door. "I couldn't sleep." Sam quirked his brow, motioning to the empty cups as he did. "Probably because you're drinking so much coffee." Way to go Emily. I thought dryly. Paul had moved to the far side of the room, slumping in a reclining chair. "Well I have a friend over." Sam continued to look over me strangely. "At midnight?" "Well she came over earlier and we've been talking since. She's been wanting to see you."

"I'm sure she can wait Emily, you need sleep. I need sleep." I nodded my head and motioned him to sit. "Yes but she's a very important person. And I need you to hold questions...this is more for Paul than anyone." Sam continued to be confused as I pulled him into the kitchen.

"Nizhoni came back." I whispered, pulling Sam down as he searched the house frantically. "She is? Where?" "Please Sam, she needs to see Paul, it's very important. Everything will make sense soon, just give them their space."

AMANDA'S POV

Nayeli had fallen asleep and I laid her on the bed, wrapping her in her soft blanket. As I finished tucking her in, the door creaked open and Emily motioned me out of the room. As soon as my foot touched the hallway floor I could take in all of Paul's scent. It awakened feelings that I had long ago forced myself to not feel and ignore. Emily had to lead me down the living room since my legs were like lead.

If I could smell Paul, I knew he had to smell me because as soon as I made my way through the entrance he was already standing.

"Nizhoni?" I blushed harshly, his voice sounding so foreign to me. "Hi Paul." I muttered, trying to not move too close. I could already see his chest heaving. "Where did you go!?" He exploded, "I looked everywhere!" He was glaring as he stomped over to me "I thought something had happened to you!" I raised my hands, "Be quiet! You'll wake the baby!" Paul went right on yelling, not catching my urgency. "Micheal can sleep through anything." He snapped still glaring down at me. "I needed to go, to try and make things different, but it didn't work so I came back, and I can show you as long as you're quiet." I replied, taking his hand and giving it a small tug. "But I won't show you unless you're really calm."

Paul relaxed just slightly, and like myself he hadn't changed much. Except maybe he looked more tired and his muscles were more defined. I lead him back down the hall, tiptoeing as I went. Praying he wouldn't freak out.

Pushing the door back , I let Paul stand beside me. Giving him a full view of Nayeli.

"Her name is Nayeli Zyanya Lahote." I whispered, not wanting to look at his stunned face. "I found out during the fight when Jake imprinted. I wanted to make a better life for her. So I ran away."

Paul had moved to the bedside, shifting the blanket so he could get a good view of her. "You didn't think I could give her a good life?" He said in a hurt tone. "Is it about the Reachel thing? Because I told -" I stopped him, I had dropped the Reachel thing long ago. A girl like her was not worth my time or attention. "I never said you wouldn't give her a good life. I just wanted her away from this wolf stuff. It hurt me so bad, and I was afraid the same would happen to her."

I watched Paul lean down, his arms folding around the small baby as he gazed down with an infatuation that was hard to explain. "The elders would make an exception."He replied softly, brushing Nayeli's hair away. "And if not, screw them. They need us more than their secret." He looked over at me. His dark eyes running over me in anticipation. "So you want me a part of her life?"

My breath hitched and I suddenly felt unsure and confused. "I think so..." Paul stood straight, adjusting the blanket. "Then it's settled, you and Nayeli will stay with me until we sort things out. Dad got married to some lady off the reserve so the house is mine."

"I don't know if moving in together is the right step Paul." I muttered looking up at him in the dim light, trying to make sense of things. His gaze was heavy and soft. "I know I messed up a lot. But if you let me start over I can be the best person in your life."

"I trusted you once already," I said looking down, his stare was too intimidating. "and all I did was get hurt." His hands were on my face, tilting my chin so I had to look up at him. I could feel his warm breath on my face, while his fall-time gum lingered around us. It had been so long since I had been so close to him that it felt brand new and in it's own way enchanting.

"I told you, I can make things right." Paul breathed huskily, his voice sent a ripple of goosebumps across my back, making me shiver. "You don't have to hurt anymore."

"Can I have my sister back for a few minutes? And then you can go resume the need to suck her face off?" Sam stood in the doorway, looking impatient and cross. "Fine. But only for a few minutes. We have a lot to talk about." Paul grumbled, moving so I could awkwardly greet Sam. I could have sworn Sam muttered something about sex.

"You're not going to get any peace tomorrow so I figure I hug you and tell you how dumb you were for leaving." Sam said, gripping me tightly "But I am glad you're back." I smiled up at him. "Me too. Micheal is adorable and you're taking good care of him. And Emily's taking care of you."

When Nayeli started to stir I shoved everyone out the door, and moved towards the living room. Around half an hour later, Paul was loading up the truck, carefully buckling the baby in and we headed down the road.

"The house is a mess." Paul said, looking at me sheepishly. "I don't have people over often. Sometimes Emily makes me clean but it's not too bad."

When I got in the house, I wondered what was Paul's definition of not too bad. The sink was stacked with plates, bowls, spoons, cups. Any kind of utensil you could think of it was there. The table was pushed off to the side in an odd angle while one of the chairs had a basket of maybe clean clothes. In the living room was a rumpled blanket, a pillow and a tower of pizza boxes. "What the heck Paul." I gasped, a tiny bit of OCD rising in me. "This place is filthy." Paul rubbed his head, "I can clean it tomorrow. Everything will be done." He glanced down at Nayeli as he spoke. "If I had known, it wouldn't be like this."

"It's fine, lets just get some sleep." Paul's room was the only pristine place in the house. We made a makeshift bed for the night and gave Nayeli a bottle and put her down to sleep. I slipped into one of his clean shirts and burrowed underneath the covers. Feeling Paul beside me was strange and I felt stiff from not knowing what to do. "I'll clear out my old room tomorrow, and we will set up the baby's room in there."

From behind me I could feel Paul's hand resting on the small of my back, hesitantly waiting to see if I moved him away. When I remained still he let it slid over me, curling around my waist and holding me snugly. "I really missed you." He said into my hair, "I promise things will be better this time."

"I missed you too." I whispered back after a long while, staring into the dark and letting subtle silence carry me into the first peaceful sleep I had had in months.


	26. Chapter 25: Adjusting

Sorry this one took a while to get out, I've been a little caught up at home. Thank you all so much for your support! I love you guys so much! It's greatly appreciated! Also, do you guys know who else are the elders other than Billy by name? I'm not 100% on it so was wondering if anyone else knew.

**Adjusting**

Paul and I had gotten up very early, earlier than Nayeli so that we could clean. We dragged our feet, ran into various object, had several brain farts, and somehow we managed to get it all done. Well most of it anyway, the clothes being washed took the longest. And I had to borrow a vaccum since there had been so much crap on the floor that it clogged and broke Paul's vaccum. Seriously? Emily had come over to help us fold clothes and scrub the last bit of grime and together we lectured Paul about cleanliness. It was unacceptable to be this messy.

"Last time I checked you were a wolf not a pig!" I barked making Paul twitch in agitation, "Have you ever even been a wolf's den?" He snapped back. Somethings never changed... As soon as Nayeli woke up Paul was all over her. He literally hogged her the entire day. He passed her around but always made sure she was in his arms again. Nayeli adored him just as much, always laughing and smiling. If I didn't know any better you'd think he'd imprint on her. But that wasn't possible since Seth was practically glued to her just as much as Paul was.

"I barely had her!" Paul growled "You can't imprint on her!" Sam and I stood side by side grinning, "Now you know how I feel." Sam smirked at the annoyed Paul. I didn't mind so much. Seth was a good kid, and was a pleasure to be around. It was an imprint I approved of.

"I just want to hold her a little while!" Seth whined, following Paul into the kitchen, groaning when Paul spat out a firm 'No!'. Since I was banned from the Nayeli circle I moved over to Micheal, ruffling his thick hair. "What cha doing cutie?" I beamed, liftig him from Emily's lap. "I could just eat your chubby!" Micheal pushed me away with his tiny hands, not liking being smothered. Probably because Emily did it so often.

"He needs a nap, too much commotion." Emily sighed, taking a fussy Micheal to his room. "I was wondering when you were going to come and see me." I turned and saw Jake, his face as happy go lucky since the day I had met him. He pulled me into a tight embrace, and told me about Renesme or Nessie. "I bet Alice is having a fit." Jake nodded "She has a whole party set up for you and the baby."

A party with Alice, sounded interesting. "She says you have to come or else she'll come get you." I nodded, not wanting to face the angry pixie. "I'll be there. If I can get Nayeli away from Paul." Jacob snorted beside me "I don't think that's possible." I didn't either but it was worth a shot.

"Paul I need to take Nayeli a little while." He responded with a curt 'why?' not looking away from his play time. "Well the Cullens wanted to see us and Alice threw us a party." Paul went stiff for half a milli-second and a prominent scowl crept up on his face. I rolled my eyes, ready to argue with him. "Fine, but not too late Nayeli has to get her sleep." He grumbled, passing Nayeli to me. It was hard to wipe the shock off my face when Paul was being so un-Paul like. "I'm sure they won't mind you being there." I said, not knowing how to respond. "No, it would just be akward having me there. I'll take you there though."

When I got to the Cullen's house, Paul tore out of the driveway as soon as I was within safe distance of the car with Nayeli. "It's too bad he won't stay." Rose said, though her voice decieved her comment. "Meh, I'm sure there will be other parties to con him into." I grinned at the thought of Paul going to one of the Cullen's gatherings. "Seth adores her." Rose mused, eyeing the bronze boy who kept Nayeli cradled in his arms, talking with her as if she understood and could talk back. "Are you afraid?" She asked looking over at me, "That she will be like you?"

This was something I thought of often and it was unsettling. I didn't want my daughter to be like me. And as I turned the thoughts over in my head several times I still struggled to come to terms with the fact I could not prevent it even if I wanted to. "It is different this time." Edward said not looking at me, having just join our conversation. "Seth is not like Paul, much the opposite. His feelings are genuine and pure. Also, you and Paul are wolves yourselves, the Elders cannot prevent you from knowing what you already know. Therefore you can reveal to her the true dangers of the world without penalty."

Still, I looked over at Nayeli. Hoping she would never change. "I wanted her to live a normal life. And I can't give that to her." "You can give her a life, maybe not normal. But that's better than not having one at all." Then I would try my hardest to give her the best life possible, wolf blight or not.

PAUL'S POV

"Are you sure you trust them?" Sam asked coming up behind me. While the fued had been settled, there was still a rift between the Cullens and wolves, but that would always be there no matter what. "If Nizhoni trusts them...then I have to." I replied, straining to collect myself. I didn't trust those vampires for shit, but they were people that Nizhoni cared about and while I didn't have to be the same way, I'd at least accept her decision and tolerate them.

Sam's face was incredulous, quirking his brow and folding his arms, annoying the crap out of me. "What?!" I snapped, "If I don't then-" "You're afraid she'll go." He finished. Sam was one of the few people who could see through me and I hated it. I liked it better when nobody could. "Yeah." I muttered. Sam gave a soft chuckle, slapping his hand across my back. "Lets go fix up your kid's room."

Emily had done most of the decorating and arranging, Sam and I would just move things were she told us. We stripped all of the carpet, putting in a fresh one and decided to paint the walls a very pale pink. To bring out the "girl" in the room as Emily called it. We hung several paper lanterns from different lengths of ribbons from the ceiling. Not all of the lanterns, but some would glow faintly to keep the room from being too dark, they kinda looked like upside-down ballons. The crib that Nizhoni had bought was placed at the far right side of the room, a rocking chair keeping it from being directly beside the window. A dresser and shelf that Billy had given to us was arranged into the room, completting it. It was ironic that they were the same color as the crib and I felt a sigh of relief, wondering if Nizhoni was one of those girls where everything had to match. Emily added her last touch to the room, a light pink net that feel around the crib and clasped her hands together. "There's so much more you can do with a girl's room than a boy's. Makes me wish Micheal was a girl sometimes."

Sam grunted, disapproving and walked away with his head shaking. "She wanted a boy, she got a boy. Now she says she wishes he were a she! Women!" Emily laughed lightly, "It's a wonderful room Paul. Nizhoni and the baby will love it." With that said, she patted my arm and left after Sam. I decided there needed to be a few more touches before I went to get Nizhoni. Above the crib I tacked a dreamcatcher, Nayeli couldn't have bad dreams. I also put in two small wolf dolls. It was easier to find a silvery/grey wolf than it was to find a tortoise shell wolf but a black one would do. I put them in at the foot of the bed. That way Nayeli would always know we watched over her, even in her sleep.

As I paused at the door and glanced around the room it really hit me how real this was. Things needed to change, starting with me. I couldn't be young and stupid anymore. "I need a job." I sighed, how else was I going to feed them?

NIZHONI'S POV

The blue truck rolled onto the gravel, coming a steady halt and allowing Paul to step out. "Did you have fun?" He asked, taking the carseat and buckling it in. Nayeli was smacking the jingling toys either angrily or out of amusement. She honestly always had a pouty frown on her face, no matter what emotion she was experiencing. "Yeah, I'm stuffed." I yawned, and tired. I was happy to slid into the cab, letting the baby's hand grip tightly at my index finger. I noticed there was some newspapers crammed into the dashboard. "What's this?" I asked, pulling the papers into my lap. Paul hesitated, reving the engine while pulling out. "I'm doing some job searching."

This made me frown, I imagined Paul not liking a rather rude customer, flinging french fries and patties at people and throwing himself over a counter and chomping them in half as he phased. "I don't think that's the best idea Paul." I said calmly, not wanting to offend him. "Yeah, I know." He replied, clutching the steering wheel. "But we need to make changes."

"We will. We'll figure it out but we can't run around wolf style and expect people not to freak out about it." I shrugged, staring down the dark road, "We could, you know hunt for food, and I'm sure Esme knows how to sew so I could learn how to," I cringed at this "Make clothes." Paul snorted and choked on his laughter, what a jerk. "Riight you learn how to be a quaint little house wife?" Yeah, it sounded pretty bad in my ears too. "Okay, okay! Maybe not but we'll think of something."

"The elders want to meet us." Paul mused, his eyes dark. "In a week." Somehow I knew this day would come. I had been very careful to avoid these so called 'elders'. I had told myself that they were the ones who wrecked my life and altered it to their liking, and had turned everything I had held dear to me away. "Can't you go alone?" I scowled, "I don't want to see them." "But you love Billy." Paul pointed out, having been in my mind several times. "Only Billy." I replied curtly. "He was the one who asked me to tell you. He wants you to be there."

I felt myself groan, dang you Billy! "What do they want?" Paul glanced at me looking just as clueless as I did. "I have no idea, we'll find out when we get there."


	27. Chapter 26: Elders

Okay so I haven't incorporated Allison much which is entirely by mistake. It's been a week now and we'll use our imaginations and say that Nizhoni has seen her and Allison is thrilled to have her and Nayeli back. I will be putting her in soon :) It is not the end yet Laura but it is getting close!

**The Elders**

Paul was a baby hog. And Nayeli had seemingly forgotten all about me * sob sob * but she entirely forgot about him when Seth was over, and at least Seth shared. Push came to shove and eventually I convinced Paul that it was unfair to keep Seth away from Nayeli and that she was a baby, he wasn't going to make out with her. Of course Paul had rejected the idea entirely and told me "It's just weird okay?"

"You didn't say that when it was Quil's imprint." I pointed out, using his own words against him. "She's not my kid though!" He retorted angrily, what a hypocrite. "Look, Seth is going to be allowed to see Nayeli as much as he wants and that's final!" I shouted, waving my arms dramatically. This caused Paul to go storming into the trees, his wolf shape flattening a new walking path.

"I'm sorry." Seth mumbled, not liking being the center of an argument. "Don't be, he's an ass we know that." Nayeli had opened up a lot since Seth came around, she didn't frown as much. It was more of a smirk, but close enough. And for some reason she called him 'Babs'.

Now as I stuffed her head through her shirt, Paul came stomping in, donning a fresh pair of shorts. "You're still here?" He grumbled when he saw Seth, "Be nice." I sighed, not wanting a fight. "We have to see the Elders in an hour, so I need you in a chipper mood."

Over the past week, Paul and I had a mutual agreement to not maul each other and at least try to tolerate the other. Well me mostly, Paul was himself in a day. And had simply wanted to pick up where we left off. He wanted us to be loving, close, intimate, and in a relationship.

It was just a little hard when you're trying to figure out exactly where things stood. I had moved past the Reachel thing, I just wanted to take things slowly and not rush into it. Like I had before.

I needed to know that he loved me for me and not because we had a daughter together. "I think the fact he searched far and wide for you is enough to say how he feels." Emily said over coffee, "Yeah but he hasn't said anything." I mumbled watching the babies play. "I think the real question is if you love him."

Emily turned to me, her face serious. "Because you're the one who hasn't said it either. And you're the one most worried. Once you accept how you feel then you can embrace how to live."

"Are you okay?" Paul asked, waving his hand in front of my face. I hadn't realized that I had lost my train of thought. "Yeah. I'm fine." "If you really don't want to go, we don't have to. The elders can stuff it." Paul had come to stand directly in front of me, letting his hands rub my shoulders, trying to ease the tension. His eyes wandered over me, holding worry inside of them. "You don't have to do anything you don't want."

"It's fine, really. Let's just hurry and get this over with. I'm starving." The ride was short, and Paul allowed Seth to come along, making it a peaceful ride. Nayeli preferred to be out and about than in a car. "They better have food there, asking us to go so early in the morning." I grumbled, letting my stomach rumble loudly and not apologizing for it. Paul was grinning as I continued to mutter under my breath. "Not even giving us enough time to eat something."

Billy was waiting for us patiently as we parked the car and walked over to him. Seth had Nayeli balanced on his shoulders, not minding her drooling. I was pretty sure she was teething. "Is there food?" I asked immediately when we reached Billy. "Yes Nizhoni, there is food." He replied, looking unsurprised. "Good, waking us up at ungodly hours." I growled but hugged him regardless of my sour mood.

Paul trailed behind me and we came through the shrubbery, our feet sloshing against the grainy sand. As we reached the shore the elders had greeted us, their faces serious and not exactly welcoming. "Welcome Paul and Nizhoni Lahote." Old Quil said, his eyes lingering over our tiny group. What the fuck was with the Mr and Mrs implications? Paul had caught it too and his face twisted in a weird way. "You must be a lot older than I thought, Paul and I aren't married." I responded, trying to be level. Just because people had children together doesn't mean they were married. And just as equally it didn't mean they were incapable of caring for their children. I've met several single parents who did a wonderful job, maybe even better than a couple at raising their kids. "I mean no offense Nizhoni. It is simply the way of our people." Old Quil said, not looking fazed by my aggressivness. "Then don't imply it." I glared at him, "My apologizes." Quil bowed his head, his writhed skin creasing as he did. "What do you want?" Paul asked more cooly. "I mostly wished to speak to Nizhoni, I knew she would not come on her own and decided to call on all of you."

Sneaky old fart. I thought glancing him up and down. "Okay then enlighten me." Quil glanced over at Billy who rolled his chair in front of me. "We wanted to know if you consider yourself a part of the tribe." I scrunched up my face "You couldn't ask me that over the phone?" "Initiations must be done in person." Billy said, and suddenly I understood. They wanted to make sure that I bound myself to them so that I could not leave, taking Paul, Nayeli, and even Seth with me, hurting their wolf population. "It has come to my understanding that Sam's requests at you rejoining his pack has fallen on deaf ears and while you may certainly choose to never phase again, as many have done so before you. We want a solid answer of you becoming a tribe member. You are the only person here on the reserve who has not had an initiation." Quil drawled, his black eyes never leaving mine. He reminded me of a hawk with a gaze so sharp you felt like it was cutting into you. "Paul has already spoken his oaths and is not as free as you to leave. Nayeli who is his blood is as bonded to him as he is to us." I felt my fists twitch and I hated where the old bastard was going.

"So I'm free to go so long as Paul and Nayeli stay here?" I gritted my teeth staring at these 'elders'. "We do not wish to divide your family, but should you choose to go, Paul and Nayeli cannot follow." Quil continued on like he never heard me "You can choose to be in Sam's pack and be a part of the tribe that way or, "Quil glanced over at me, his mouth a solid line. "You can become Paul's bride and be a member in that sense."

"Oh, well if that's all they want." Paul said looking at me with relief, but when he saw my face he turned around to become preoccupied in Seth and Nayeli. "Can't I just say I want to be a member of the tribe? It's not like I'm not related to anyone here." Billy who had been mostly a silent uncomfortable figure had finally decided to speak up. "You were ultimately raised by outsiders Nizhoni, and our ways are all but unknown to you. When you left the reserve it was like saying you give up who you are, then you came back." I shrugged, "Big deal, people leave all the time." "And they never come back." Billy said softly, "You hold ancient blood inside you that defines and makes you different from anyone here. You and Leah are the only female wolves here, and even more so you were able to bare children. This makes you both dangerous and important. If you were to leave the reservation, raise your daughter and in turn she have children of her own, do you not think that you would spread the wolf population unintentionally and possibly endanger not only everyone else but your children and their children?"

My chest rumbled, and I felt a growl coming up in my throat and for the first time in a long time I welcomed the feel of my wolf stirring inside of me. "You have no business trying to decide my life for me." I sneered, clenching and unclenching my fists "We're not. But your daughter is a different story-" I lashed out, my body contouring, pulling itself into the four legged creature I had fought so hard to not be anymore. Old Quil was underneath me, his hands grabbing out at my jaws as I snapped down at him. Paul had been quick to phase, and was trying to pull me away from the old man. But I was on a mission to rip some throats out.

"What if you gave her some time to think about it?" Seth called from a safe distance. "You can't just spring all this on them and expect them to give you an answer while reacting badly!" Paul had pulled me away and we had phased back into our bodies, standing naked in front of everyone. I didn't care if everyone saw the fruit-of-my-looms, so long as I got the point across that their constant need to butt into my life was unacceptable. "One week!" Old Quil gasped, grappling his way to his feet and glaring at me. "You have one week to give me an answer, and if you shall not give me one then you will leave!"

"You're full of shit!" I spat, trying to wriggle away from Paul's iron grip, "Come on lets go." Paul grunted, lifting me off my feet and dragging me back to the car. Never had I ever wanted to use my shape-shifting to kill someone that was not a vampire but at that moment I did. I wanted to rip that man's face off and if it weren't for the fact Paul had shoved me into the backseat with Seth I would have.

When we got home I had locked myself in the bathroom to sulk. Things were getting complicated when I really didn't need them to. "Is it so hard of a decision?" Paul called through the door, "Yes and no!" I replied, not wanting to talk to Paul. "That's not even an answer!" He huffed, kicking the door as he became frustrated. "Go away!" "No! You're not seven!" "And you're not my mother!" There was a silence and I thought maybe he'd gone away. But alas, he did not and I could imagine a sly look on Paul's face as he talked. "No I'm not. But I'm going to go get her."

He left me to sulk in my own thoughts, commanding Seth to come with him. Maybe I should have stayed in Montana.


	28. Chapter 27: Dilemma

This chapter is short! Also, thank you all so much for sticking with me for so long! There's only a few chapters left and I wanted to tell you that it probably would not have gotten so far without all of your support! Honestly, this might be the first story I've finished :D you guys are awesome! xoxoxo

**Dilemma**

"Come out and we'll talk all about it. Emily is making coffee and cookies, you're favorite." Allison had been trying to coax me out of the bathroom for five minutes now and I could hear Paul's impatient stomping in the other room. "I don't want coffee and cookies." I muttered, folding my arms. "Don't act like that. Billy told me you haven't eaten anything..."

She paused before continuing. "Nayeli misses you." Another long pause. "Did I mention they were chocolate chip?" I inwardly groaned, resist the urge! "Nice and warm out of the oven..." You don't need those delicious, warm, suculent discs of chocolate heaven. _Stop that! _I growled, growing frustrated with my obvious lack of self-control. Man those cookies smelled good. Slowly I inched my hand up towards the handle, unlocking it and cracking the door open. Allison peered at me from the other side, her hands holding a plate with a mountain cookies on top. "Nice and warm, "She wiggled the plate in my face, coaxing me out of the bathroom. My hands flew out and grabbed cookies for each hand. Mmmm, delicious. "Now why don't you tell me all about it?"

Allison had remained silent throughout the whole conversation but by the end of it had a very mean look on her face. "They can't do that, can they?" She looked over at Sam who had been very statue like. "They are the elders, something of our own little governement." He said slowly, "They can if they want to." "But that's basically exile." Emily mused worriedly, she too looked to Sam but more for comfort than for answers. Paul had just come back from putting Nayeli down for a nap and had folded his arms. "What's so bad about joining the pack?" He blinked, looking hurt "Or getting married to me? I'm handsome."

I rolled my eyes, leave it to Paul to be entirely full of himself. "I don't want to join because I'm a mother now, I can't just go prancing off into the woods when Nayeli needs me. And I'm not ready to get married yet, regardless of how 'handsome' you are." Still, I needed to make a decision. And really it came down to which one I felt had the most consequence. Leaving La Push was definetely out of the question, so I was forced to stay and either join Sam's pack or get hitched.

"I need some air." I breathed, heading for the door. "If anyone needs me, I'll be doing things...and stuff." My feet broke into a run as i jogged into the woods, letting my wolf form shape me, trying to find peace in solitude. I didn't want to think so much, I just wanted to exhuast myself, pushing my limbs to their limit as I flew like a bullet. The greens, browns, and even yellows were all a blur to me as I created a distance from La Push, finding myself at the spot that I had 'died' at. It seemed like whenever I needed to think this was the place I was drawn to.

_"We all make sacrifices." Mom had once said to me as she scrubbed some grime off of a glass pan. "We don't always like or agree with it but we do it because it is necessary." She smiled over her shoulder, her blonde hair swaying elegantly as she did. "It can hurt, even others depending on the situation but everything happens for a reason." _

_She laughed then, " In time you can look back on it and smile and say 'I made it'."_

I opened my eyes, this place had changed me so much, and it appeared was deadset on keeping me here. There were so many things at play that it wasn't a simple yes or no or even maybe. I had to make my decision and it would affect everyone. _Time to pay Billy a visit. _I thought, turning and sauntering down the slopes. Enjoying the breeze in my coat.

I slowly transformed back into myself and strut around the forest naked, Paul's house coming into view. I had absolutely no problem being naked, but for the sake of Billy's mind I'd put some clothes on.

"What the heck!?" Sam exclaimed when I swung the door open. He turned abruptly, folding his arms and muttering about 'incosiderate woman'. "I'm just getting some clothes, geez." I snapped, face palming Paul who had flung himself at me. "It's just Sam and Seth. Both who are entirely uninterested in me, everyone else are females."

Tugging my bra and shirt on, throwing on some jeans I grabbed my boots and made my way to my truck. "Where are you going?" Allison asked from the garden. She'd taken it upon herself to plant some nice flowers, I had tried and sorely failed. Probably because I accidentally dropped some roundup on the poor plants. I was positive that all plants wihout a death wish held up a cross whenever I walked by. "I'm going to have a chat with Billy." I grunted, tossing the door back. "Already?" Allison raised her brows as she stared at me, "Might as well." I replied, tearing out of the drive way, leaving her to ponder after me.


	29. Chapter 28: Peace

This chapter is going to skip the scene with Billy, because I am going to add it in a flashback and it gives me an opprotunity to skip boring 'greetings'.

**To Find Peace**

I had decided to travel as a wolf. One it was cheaper, two an airport and my condition was not a good mix, and Paul was going to need it since he was staying behind with Nayeli. I was honestly surprised that the elders agreed to let me go and see my parents. I had been prepared for a fight and would have left regardless. Maybe they knew this and had decided to just give me permission rather than deal with a headache.

_"I don't think you going is a good idea." Billy said for the hundredth time. "You cannot reveal yourself without revealing your secret." I nodded at him mindlessly, having heard this countless of times. "I already told you I'm not going to reveal myself. I just want to see them before I condemn myself here forever." I needed to see if they were doing okay, and I wanted to see them just to see them. "And how do you know if can control yourself?" I glared, growing tired of this argument. "Because I love my daughter, and I plan on being there for every moment in her life. Because people like us are a neon sign for danger. Because while I think this whole secret stuff is stupid, I won't jeopardize anyone else." Finally Billy sighed, "I'll talk to the others, but I can't guarantee they'll say yes." He was wheeling his chair over to me, looking concerned. "If you do this, can we have an answer from you?"_

_"I will not leave the reserve and will stay here all my life. This is my word, I just haven't decided on the options. You will have it when I get back." _

_I had nearly kissed Billy -on the cheek- when he told me that Old Quil had given me permission. "I hope you have an answer when you get back, he wasn't exactly happy." Billy had said, rubbing his temples. I suspected he had an earful from the old asshole -come to think of it, I wondered if he and Paul were related?-. "Thanks a billion!"_

As I thundered through the woods I felt my heart thud in my chest. I couldn't wait to see them again, granted they wouldn't see me but at least I'd have knowledge of how they were doing. I barely stopped to eat and sleep. And by the end of the week I was just nearing Arlington. I had to 'borrow' some clothes back in West Virginia, after all I couldn't walk around in my birthday suit in a heavily populated area. It was nearing springtime and the trees were growing buds. The air was still cool but the sun was bright and the sky clear of dark clouds.

"How I've missed you Virginia!" I sighed, resisting the urge to hug a nearby lamp post. Everything about this place screamed home and I couldn't help but feel a bubble of happiness rising inside of me. Even if it was for a short while, I was glad to be back.

The houses were brick, others made of painted wood. And as I strolled down the sidewalk I counted the numbers. "477, 488, 489, 500..." My parents house hadn't changed at all. It was neatly decorated with a well manicured lawn of emerald green grass. An American flag flapped proudly from the pole that jutted from the side of the house and the curtains in the window had been drawn back to let the sunshine in.

From around back I could hear voices and let curiosity get the best of me and followed it. Ducking behind a bush -man I really hoped nobody was watching me- I watched my mom toss a small ball across the yard. She had cut her hair shot in a bob style, and her face had remained flawless. She wore a plain t-shirt and a pair of beige shorts. I felt my pulse pick up as the ball landed across the yard and a small ebony girl chased after it, her braids bouncing as she went. She looked to be maybe two or three years old. "I'm going to get you!" Mom roared, stomping after the girl, threatening to tickle her. "Nom! Nom! Nom!" The little girl laughed, not paying much attention to her footing and lost her balance only to be swooped up into Mom's arms. "I got you!" The little girl laughed and giggled, kicking her legs happily.

"Diana! Beth! Lunch!" Dad had appeared on the back porch, carrying a tray of sandwiches and lemonade. "Yum! Yum! in my tum tum!" Little Beth sighed, rubbing her stomach. "That's right so we can grow up to be real big and strong!" Mom laughed, setting Beth down at the patio table. "Like Manda!" Beth cheered, snatching for a sandwich and taking a huge -for her anyway- bite.

I felt my stomach roll as I heard that name for the first time. Mom's face softened and she patted Beth's head. "Yes, just like Amanda." Dad had come around the side, and wrapped his arm around his wife, to comfort and console her. "She's watching over us Diana. If she were here right now, she'd tell us to be happy and to not be upset when we thought of her."

I breathed a small laugh, how ironic. But he was right, I was glad they were alive, well, and most of all happy. "If she is looking down on us I hope she knows how much we miss her."

"I miss you too." I whispered, griping the side of the house to gain some balance back. My legs were starting to go numb from crouching for so long and I needed to shift around without being seen. "Do you think she'd be upset? That we haven't gone to see her I mean..." Dad sighed, rubbing her shoulders, "Your doctor said to go when you are ready, and we will. But only when you are." Mom stared off into space for a long while, her lips pursed as she concentrated. "I think I am. I can look back on all the fun things we did together and smile. I'm ready. I want to see her."

It was time to go, if I stayed longer I wouldn't be able to leave. Turning on my heels I dodged out of sight. My chest hurt from the emotions building inside of it and I decided to find a secluded bench to sit on. I felt some regret, that I wouldn't be able to be a part of Beth's life and get to watch her grow up, she seemed like a bright and bubbly little girl. I was happy that my parents had decided to adopt another child, one they would cherish as much as they cherished me. If I could find happiness in Nayeli then they should find happiness to.

"You did not reveal yourself." I jumped in surprise and turned to see none other than Old Quil. I wan't all that surprised to see him either. "Shouldn't you be near the nearest life support machine? I'm afraid the wind my blow you away." The old man smirked, seating himself on the bench as he rubbed the top of his walking stick. "You don't seem to surprised to see me." I snorted, glaring ahead, my happy mojo gone. "Because I'm not. I should have guessed you wouldn't just let me have my privacy."

"Understand that exposing you to your greatest desires could have been potentially dangerous. You could have gone back on your word." He glanced at me, his aged face serious and meaningful. "I did not make the best decision in allowing your parents to believe you were dead. But if I were to let them know, then everyone else would have to know, and then the wrong person would know. And all it takes is for one wrong person to know for things to get out of control." He went on, "I made the best decision based off of the group, as a whole. I did not do it because I felt any ill feelings towards you or your parents. But to protect everyone." Mom's voice sounded through my head as I thought about what the old man said:

_"We all make sacrifices." Mom had once said to me as she scrubbed some grime off of a glass pan. "We don't always like or agree with it but we do it because it is necessary." She smiled over her shoulder, her blonde hair swaying elegantly as she did. "It can hurt, even others depending on the situation but everything happens for a reason." _

I didn't want to admit that he was right, and I didn't want to agree that to protect everyone had come at a price, my price but all that he had told me was true. If the secret slipped to the wrong person, Sam wouldn't have Emily, or Micheal. And the Cullen's would pay too. Jacob would lose Nessie and I would lose just as much. I couldn't imagine my life without Nayeli, and even Paul. To return to my old life could mean to lose them forever. "Yeah, I guess." I mumbled grudgingly. "It still doesn't help me in deciding what I want."

For the first time I'd ever known Quil, he smiled. "I never meant you to do either. I knew you would ask. Choosing against yourself is enough for me to know that you will stay."

Sneaky old bastard. I thought slightly annoyed, trying to not show it. "Well thanks for running that by me before I trekked across the country." Quil bobbed his head, "Did it bring you peace to see them?" I glanced back in the direction of my parent's house. Their roof barely visible from this distance. A small smile lingered on my face as I thought of their new life together. I thought of Beth and the kind of person she'd grow up to be. The healing that my parents supported each other through. "Yeah, I think it did."


	30. Chapter 29: Accidental Proposal

okay guys! Sorry this one took so long to get out. I got the flu and haven't really felt better until now. I wanted to wait until it was 100%. And I looked every where for native traditions on proposal and most of it was gift-giving normally of food, livestock, and clothing. Since it's a moderna age I wanted to apply this and instead of animals, clothes, etc I wanted to use a necklace. I couldn't find much on what Natives use now so decided to go with my best knowledge. I used a hawk's feather which represents:_**The hawk's gifts include clear sightedness, being observant, long distance memory, messages from the universe, guardianship, recalling past lives, courage, wisdom, illumination, seeing the bigger picture, creativity, truth, experience, wise use of opportunities, overcoming problems, magic, focus. - . **_Which I will explain the entire meaning in the story.

**ACCIDENTAL PROPOSAL**

Old Quil and I drove back, mostly in silence and it did take longer but I just needed to rest for some time and recooperate. The roads seemed endless, winding around the mountain sides at a constant slope. I definately preferred travelling as a wolf. I nearly leapt with joy when the Washington State sign flashed by, it's bold lettes so welcoming to me.

"About another two hours and we'll be back in La Push. Tomorrow we will start your initiation ceremony." Quil said as he stared ahead. I didn't say anything and keep peering out the window, letting the waves of trees fly by. Mostly because I didn't need to say anything. "Wake me when we get there then." I mumbles, turning on my side and did my best to get comfortable.

PAUL'S POV

Nayeli had gotten a cold and had been screaming non-stop, her face, ears, and eyes were red and swollen. Nothing calmed her, not even a bath. I tried everythin I could think of, and when nothing helped I took her to the doctors. All they said was to 'wait it out', some doctors they were. Seth had stayed the week to help out, which I wouldn't admit to being grateful for but he didn't need to know that anyway. Nizhoni wouldn't be happy that he'd missed school to do it but she didn't need to know either.

"Soo, are you going to give Niz your necklace?" Seth asked casually, shifting a sleeping Nayeli in his arms carefully. I felt my head get foggy, as soon as Nizhoni left I had started preparing an engagemnt necklace. I orignially had planned on a bracelet but remembered that she had already had one and wanted to do something different. In the old ways gifts of horses, hides, and food was given in proposal to the girl's parents. I was pretty sure if I presented a bag of Doritos as a proposal offering she'd never let it down, so that was definetly out. I also wasn't about to run around skinnning a bunch of animals to ask her to marry either. And I didn't have any horses, nor did I want any. They smelled and shit every where. 'Majestic' animals my ass.

I could go and get a ring like most people did but I wanted to give her something that really showed her that I loved her. I know she didn't trust me and always found herself just slightly less than halfway in deciding that she wanted me. So I decided on making a necklace with leather and beads of various materials. The way a lot of native jewelry was made. I wanted each piece to have meaning, to be a physical symbol of how I felt for her.

As soon as Nizhoni had left I had started making it, I had restarted it so many times that I nearly threw out the window. "You have to be patient." Billy told me, watching me loop the leather, "Patience makes it beautiful, let your heart do the work and it will come out better than you want it." I had growled in frustration, "I don't have a lot of time to make it." Billy had just smiled and said "You won't need it."

Since then the necklace was complete and was neatly packed away in a brown leather box that was the only thing I had of my mom. I had been confident in giving it to her until Seth brought it up. "Yeah, that's why I made it." I replied gruffly. "You don't seem sure." Was this kid trying to lecture me? "Are you afraid she'll say no?" I glared at him from the sink. I didn't like people knowing how I felt. It wasn't right, people shouldn't know how you felt unless you told them. "I haven't thought of it that much." I lied, tossing the last plate in the cabinet. Old Quil had informed Billy earlier today that they'd be here soon, and I needed the place as clean as possible if I was going to win her over. "I don't think she'll choose Sam. She doesn't seem to want to be a wolf anymore." Seth said thoughtfully, which made me wonder what it would be like for Nizhoni to give up being a wolf. I loved her wolf form, how free and open she became. I don't think she realized how much she enjoyed it either, she was entirely different when she roamed around the woods.

"We'll see I guess." I mumbled,

AMANDA'S POV

Paul's house came into view, Seth bounding out happily, greeting me excitedly. "It's about time!" He laughed, his brawny arms crushing my waist. "Ugh!" I grunted, giving a light giggle. "Nice to see you too. Where's Paul?" I had missed him, for the two weeks that I'd been gone, and I had thought more about what Emily had said, and what Quil had said. And I thought, maybe I was holding too much against him? "His inside, Nayeli has a cold and is sleeping."

"My baby is sick!?" I gasped, jogging to the front door and flinging it open, Seth catching it so it wouldn't bang against the house. "I leave you with her for two weeks and she gets sick!?" I hissed at Paul who was standing there looking confused. "What!? Are you serious!?" He exclaimed, "She got a _cold_. I can't stop that!" My eyes narrowed as I jabbed my finger into his chest "You're her daddy, you protect her from _everything_."

"What do you want me to do?! Become microscopic!?" "If that's what it takes!" I shot back, my mommy bear erupting. "Uh hey Paul, wasn't there something you wanted to give Niz?" Seth said awkwardly, lifting Nayeli. "What?" He rounded on Seth, his black eyes darkening as he scowled. "You got me a present?" I asked, searching around for it excitedly. "Where is it?" Paul scratched the back of his head, his eyes quinting as he stared at me uncomfortably. "Uh, well it's in the back but -"

"Neat-o! Let me see!" I trotted to our shared bedroom, which was surprisingly neat. There was a brown leather box sitting by itself on the dresser which I knew hadn't been there before. "Oh goodie! You did get me a present!" I was beaming as I ran to get the mysterious gift. "Wait wait wait!" Paul huffed, leaping over the bed to reach the little box before me. "It's really special, and I want to actually give it to you." He continued, taking his gift in his hands, unclasping the silver lock. His hands retrieved a leather necklace that was the same brown tone as the box it came in. The leather was fashioned to be a chocker with silver and turqoise beads laced around the string. At the end was a small glimmering loop with a single small feather dangling from it. The loop was a dreamcatcher, the webs holding turqoise beads and in the middle was a silver coin with a wolf stamp on the inside. The craftmanship was gorgeous, not a single thread or bead out of place. "That's really nice." I said prodding the dangling feather. "It's a hawk's feather. So you can embrace the past and the present without fear, have the knowledge to overcome the things life throws at you, and to always know the truth." Paul mumbled, having set the box down a while ago and was holding the necklace up so I could look at it better. "...But why the dreamcatcher?" I asked, glancing up at him. Paul blushed a little and stared back at me. "You have nightmares. At first I thought it was a one time thing, and I realized you get them a lot. So I thought always having a dreamcatcher with you would keep them away, and that I'll always be watching over you." He said this as he motioned to the centred wolf. "I have nightmares?" I wondered aloud, "Yeah, about that vampire."

"Oh...well I really like it. Where did you get it?" I didn't think Paul's face could get any more red but it did. "I made it." He replied curtly, looking away from my shocked face. "You made this?" He nodded, "It's...an engagement necklace. I thought it'd help you decide in whether or not you'd join Sam's pack or get married. I know you said you weren't ready but I want to."

Well wasn't this awkward? I should have called to say what was up but as of late things tended to go right over my head. Paul didn't know about the whole marriage/pack thing being called off by Quil himself. "Uhm, it turns out we don't have to get married and I don't have to join Sam's pack." I quickly went on so he didn't unteruppt me, "It was some leap-of-faith-test that Old Quil set up to see if I'd stay." Slowly Paul's shoulders slumped, his face darker than before and he let his lips purse into a thin line. He looked more embarassed than upset and I felt really bad. "So you don't want to?" "I don't know Paul. I really don't."

He moved closer, grasping my considerably smaller hand. "It isn't a no so I think you should think about it." Paul stared down at me, his dark eyes boring into mine, "And I mean really think about it."

He rushed away quickly, shutting the door beind himself quietly. One conundrum after another. I thought with a heavy sigh, flinging myself onto the bed. Would it ever end?


	31. Chapter 30: Behind Reachel's Eyes

**Behind Reachel's Eyes**

Pretty much everyone had found out about Paul's proposal, but it was La Push what did you expect? The females (Allison, Kim, and Emily) had gushed and 'cooed' , yes 'cooed' over the necklace, they badgered me so badly that I had started avoiding them. Leah was my only confident, and by confident I mean the only person who wasn't all googly eyed.

"Too bad you told the old fart you were staying." Leah snorted, shoving fries into her mouth. Nayeli was leaning out of her seat to get a better look at her maybe-future-sister-in-law. Her tiny hands batted at the jingly toys in front of her as Seth rocked her car-seat. "Yeah, I think I sort of regret it." I sighed, brushing the baby's hair away from her face. "Everyone has been nagging me about it. " Leah plucked my fries from the plate, not bothering asking if I was done with them. "And Paul?"

I shrugged, Paul hadn't said anything at all. He went along like he'd never even asked. Although he started doing extra shifts with Sam. Not that it was needed but Emily said that maybe it was his own way of dealing with it. "I dunno, nothing really." "Do you think he meant it?" Leah stared back at me seriously her eyes barely allowing a glimpse of her curiosity to show. "I think so. He told me he made it." I replied, placing the necklace on the table. Seth nodded, "He drove me and Billy crazy the entire time to."

"I just don't know if I'm ready. And how does Paul know he is too? It could just be heat of the moment because the topic was brought up." Leah snorted, her face unmoved. "I admit Paul is a spur of the moment guy, but do you know how many girls he's been with? He's never once even thought of being in a relationship with them. Reachel is an exception but even then I don't think marriage crossed his mind."

"Still..." I bit my lip, it didn't change the uncertainty I felt. "I just don't know if I'm ready." Leah popped the last fry in her mouth, "Then wait. Didn't you want to go back to school?" That was true, I had forgotten about that honestly. "Yeah I guess...well I got to go, Allison wants to take Nayeli shopping and I need to clean the house. Turns out Paul just shoved all the dirty clothes in a closet and dubbed them clean." I tossed some bills on the table and waved goodbye, hauling Nayeli with me. Seth following suit. I wondered if it bother Leah she almost never saw her brother anymore.

Later on, after dropping off Nayeli and narrowly escaping my engagement conversation I decided to pay Jake a visit. It had been a while since I've seen him and had missed his company.

As the front door swung open I nearly scrunched my face in distaste. Reachel was standing before me, her low-cut shirt not leaving much to imagine. "Oh..." She said, her face just as disagreeable. "It's you." I smiled back at her, "Missed me?" Reachel made a retching sound, "No." She moved aside regardless, letting me in. "Jake isn't here but he'll be back in a minute."

I didn't say anything as I glanced around the familiar living-room. Ignoring Reachel as she plopped on the couch to read her magazine. "Daddy is with ." She finally said not looking at me, turning the page slowly. I had a feeling she had something to say other than where her 'Daddy's whereabouts were' because it was more than likely that she didn't care.

"M'kay." I hummed, stuffing my hands in my pockets. Not fazed when she slammed the magazine down on the coffee table and made an annoyed sound in her throat. "I can't believe he chose you!" She scoffed, "Excuse me?" Reachel jumped up from her seat, her eyes flashing angrily.

"You know who I'm talking about! Paul!" She barked as she stomped in front of me. "He proposed to you! I can't believe it! There is absolutely nothing special about you!" Man she had a whiny voice. I felt sorry for Billy. She went on, her face getting blotchy. "And it's not even because of your kid! He was thinking about it way before that!" I blinked in surprise at what she said. I hadn't known that at all and wondered just how long Paul had my hand in marriage in mind. "All it took was the Elders prying like they always do!" Reachel was practically screaming now, pacing back and forth and it made me uneasy. If she hit me, I was pretty sure that I'd phase onto her scrawny ass and I'd have to somehow explain that to Billy.

She rounded on me, her eyes filled with tears. "It's-it's not fair!" She cried, her fists balling up. "It could have been me!" This was really uncomfortable now, I did not want to deal with this at all. "How is it not fair that you dumped him and missed your chance?" I said more out of impulse than want. "Because!" She spat, her anger receding as she looked at the ground. A certain sadness played across her face and I wondered what changed her mood. "He told me I was his imprint, and we were happy. Sam and Emily were happy too, and everyone knew they'd get married. So one day I asked him if we would too." Reachel sniffed looking small and pathetic. "He said he didn't know, that he wasn't sure. At the time he said he really didn't want marriage at all."

A light of understanding played inside of me and I got a glimpse of who Reachel was. "I wasn't intending to go back to college, but after that I did go. I was hurting to know that Paul hadn't seen that future with me. I wanted him to come after me, but he never did. So I decided to make amends and came back to La Push, but he had found you. And I hated how he looked at you, his smile was genuine and I knew that I'd lost him."

Reachel looked so distressed I wasn't sure if I should leave or comfort her. "I tried my hardest to make him see he still loved me, but he never saw it or even tried to deny it. I...I was just a window for him to look through when the things on the inside got ugly."

I understood then Reachel's hate, and her bitterness. Her image became clear to me and I realized that she had been a victim to love just as much as I had. She had tried to squeeze all that she had hoped for only to watch it slip through her fingers and fall into someone else's hands without any effort on their part. "He gave you a necklace didn't he?" She asked softly. I nodded, digging through my pocket as she offered out her hand. Placing the jewelry in her palm I watched as she turned it over and over, running her eyes up and down as she studied it.

"Daddy said Paul was making it. Each jewelry says something about the person who wears it, just as much as the person who made it. I see a lot of Paul in it, he worked hard on this." She handed the necklace back to me. "You are his imprint." Her voice was soft as she stared at me. "He wants you to know it."

"Why are you telling me all this?" I asked finally, not sure how to act around her anymore. "Because I know I'm not his one and only. As much as that hurts I can still say I love him. And I want to see him happy. Being with you, that'd make him happy." She glared at me now, her eyes returning to their fiery look. "I still could careless whether or not you fell in front of a train and got run over." Out of all the things she said, this made the most sense and I was the most comfortable with. "Him asking you to marry him was the biggest thing -to him- and you should think long and hard before crushing him." She was still glaring at me as she talked, "Whatever you say I want you to know that he loves being a wolf, it defines him and he'd give it all up for you whether you ask him to or not." I blinked at her, "What does that have to do with anything?"

"You don't want it right? Which means you'll age and die. He'd give it up to be with you. He won't want to keep living if you're not there with him. He's made a lot of sacrifices. He's stopped being _Paul _to please you. You could at least let him keep this."

I had decided not to stick around for Jake, and had walked home. I had a lot to think about. My hand was clutching the choker. Everything had come to make sense and I figured the hawk feather was doing me some good, even if it put a lot on my plate. I had thought about all that Reachel had said. I had never taken in consideration how much Paul had changed. Everything had been centered around me so I hadn't noticed all the things Paul had done. Nayeli's room was awesome, he did his best to not argue and see it from my point of view, and mostly of all he told me he loved me on a daily basis. It was me who was having commitment issues. I had held onto so much that I had made it hard to make room for anything else.

Slowly I slid the necklace around my neck, clasping it in place. The only thing to do was go forward. I wasn't going to deny myself what I had wanted for so long. Just gonna go with it, I thought trudging the rest of the way home.


End file.
